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[steelandtemper]

[What has no thumbs and is sick to death of gods and sorcerers and magic spears and all the similar crap that keeps popping up? This AI.

Well, actually, her hologram has thumbs, but they're currently not visible behind the equally holographic folded arms.]

Poll: how many of you are from universes where the supernatural is real? Magic, gods, shoe-making elves that aren't just a parable about virtue, whatever.

[Why Grimm's Fairy Tales? Why not Grimm's Fairy Tales? It's all equally nonsense as far as thorough-going materialist Cortana is concerned.]

Comments

[rokketmann]

Considering this universe has at least 2of those things, if someone were inclined to be a smart aleck, the answer is all of us.

[steelandtemper]

Very funny.

[She's not from your stupid god-having universe, hdu.]

[gonebyebye]

Guilty as charged.

[steelandtemper]

At least your guns are normal.

[A proton pack is apparently normal by Cortana standards, themoreyouknow.jpg.]

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[ordinarily]

There's a ghost portal. In my basement.

[ He's not making this shit up, okay? ]

[steelandtemper]

[...sure why not.]

Maybe you need to talk to Dr. Stantz about extermination services.

[thedreamisdead]

The Justice Department has an entire subdivision that handles magic, demonic infestations, and ghosts.

[steelandtemper]

[Don't tell her about Judge Death. She'll stop talking to you.]

Why is that a thing you need a department for?

[She knows why, obviously. She's just expressing her opinion in rhetorical question form, like when she objected to Tucker's kid's existence.]

[hepunchedhitler]

Sorry. If it helps, I didn't entirely believe it until I realized that the Nazis had vampires and Thor fighting on their side.

[steelandtemper]

[You started this avalanche, Rogers.]

Analysis of network traffic indicates Thor's on your side now. What changed?

[Too much to hope she caught him in a lie.]

[walkingballpit]

[ Questioning Cap is surprisingly never getting easier. ]

Uh - I'm inclined to take your word on Nazis, but what? Wouldn't Mjolnir drive itself to the center of the earth before it let Odinso-nazi ever pick it up again?

[prettycoolguy]

I think we're in the minority, Cortana.

[steelandtemper]

Only the first person from a given universe counts.

[Trust her, she's made from the brain of a scientist.]

[actionishisreward]

I'm from a universe like Cap's? Thor and Loki are real, although neither of them teamed up with the Nazis. Also there's a guy with a flaming skull for a head over on the West Coast.

[steelandtemper]

Oh, I bet he's a charmer.

[She knew an AI who used a flaming demon skull as an avatar. He was every bit as obnoxious as you'd think.]

[rushing_by]

Do an eternally reincarnated couple with magic wings count?

[steelandtemper]

I hate everything about that sentence.

[unrecovered]

I'm from a universe where it's possible for a human to breed with a Sangheili.

[He is absolutely being a little shit right now.]

[steelandtemper]

I'm not convinced Tucker didn't just get blackout drunk and steal a Sangheili.

[I mean you've met him, right.]

[calibrates_big_guns]

Ancient, genocidal bio-machines with delusions of godhood, but actual gods ...? Not so much.

[A beat before he adds:]

At least none that actually walk around. People still have religious beliefs, but that's another story.

[steelandtemper]

Technology so advanced people give up and call it magic doesn't count.

[Religion doesn't count any more than people believing they have a system to win at slots does.]

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[captainbuzzkill]

[Congrats, you've stumbled onto Dipper's favorite subject to talk about, so he's going to talk about it at length and with no regard for how much anyone else wants to hear.]

There's tons of supernatural stuff back home. I mean, you all met Bill.

[He starts ticking off a list on his fingers.]

Back home we have ghosts, cursed wax figures, evil triangles, manotaurs, unholy horrors from outside of time and space, gremloblins (they're half-gremlin, half-goblin), little tiny golfball people, gnomes, spider people, barf fairies, and magic size-changing crystals that are just naturally occurring, I guess? Also, things just don't work the same as they do in other words, like in my universe peanut brittle has preservative properties that can keep someone in stasis without dying for like a hundred years.

Also my sister punched a unicorn once? They apparently bleed rainbows.

And that's just stuff I've seen personally, and not even all of it. My Great Uncle Ford filled three giant journals with stuff I still haven't seen, like the Kill Billies.

[steelandtemper]

[Just this lineface.]

[headinjuries]

What Cap said.

But the Thor and Nazis thing is totally news to me, what the hell?

[steelandtemper]

Thor's existence isn't a problem, but Thor hanging out with the Axis is?

[She's not sure about your priorities, kid.]

[letsgohurtpeople]

[Kyou just gestures to himself.]

The whole demonic ninja thing pretty much speaks for itself.

My clan has enclaves around these weird permanent portals to a hell dimension that we use to hide from the rest of the world and keep an eye on so nothing gets through.

[steelandtemper]

For all I knew, you were just an alien.

[They grow 'em really demonic-looking where Cortana's from.]

[lovernotafighter]

I've been told that my dick is pretty magical. Does that count?

[It especially doesn't count when you tell it to yourself.]

[thedreamisdead]

[Guess who's using her lie detector on that statement.

Go on. Guess.]

[unspeakablyevil]

Magic is indeed real in my universe. And before the vast majority of my powers were ungraciously stripped away, I was the most powerful magic user my universe had ever seen.

[Alright, he might be exaggerating a little about that last part but still probably not as much as the guy who posted above him. Also, for what it's worth, parts of his face are literally on fire. What besides magic could explain that?]

[steelandtemper]

[Hey, Cortana can make herself look like she's on fire if she wants to.]

You got any corroboration on that claim, buddy?

[She doesn't disbelieve him. He just seems fun to harass, based on how he acted when he introduced himself to everyone.]

[hallaifyouherd]

Is it only shoe-making elves that are meant to be supernatural?

[steelandtemper]

All elves are fictional where I'm from.

[There're probably a bunch AIs out there who use elf avatars, but those hardly count, and anyway she's never met one personally.]

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[orbislife]

My world most likely fits that category.

[ There may also be an ethereal, glowing arm waving hello at the camera. ]

[steelandtemper]

[Whatever, she can play holographic tricks, too.]

You realize I'm a hologram, right?

[Tell her about Hanzo's ult.]

Voice

[araignee_du_soir]

Only if you count omnics becoming self-aware as supernatural. Otherwise, it is all science and technology based - religion aside.

[steelandtemper]

That doesn't count.

[Says the self-aware machine.]

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[mirror_soldier]

I'm from some variation of this universe, so yes for me as well.

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[steelandtemper]

"Some variation?" Are we talking as bad or worse, here?

[There is, of course, no possibility of "good."]