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[steelandtemper]

[What has no thumbs and is sick to death of gods and sorcerers and magic spears and all the similar crap that keeps popping up? This AI.

Well, actually, her hologram has thumbs, but they're currently not visible behind the equally holographic folded arms.]

Poll: how many of you are from universes where the supernatural is real? Magic, gods, shoe-making elves that aren't just a parable about virtue, whatever.

[Why Grimm's Fairy Tales? Why not Grimm's Fairy Tales? It's all equally nonsense as far as thorough-going materialist Cortana is concerned.]

Comments

[rokketmann]

Considering this universe has at least 2of those things, if someone were inclined to be a smart aleck, the answer is all of us.

[gonebyebye]

Guilty as charged.

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[ordinarily]

There's a ghost portal. In my basement.

[ He's not making this shit up, okay? ]

[thedreamisdead]

The Justice Department has an entire subdivision that handles magic, demonic infestations, and ghosts.

[steelandtemper]

Very funny.

[She's not from your stupid god-having universe, hdu.]

[hepunchedhitler]

Sorry. If it helps, I didn't entirely believe it until I realized that the Nazis had vampires and Thor fighting on their side.

[rokketmann]

Thanks, Cortana. [ It's nice to get appreciation. He's not even being remotely sarcastic. ] I usually leave the jokes to other Legionnaires.

[steelandtemper]

At least your guns are normal.

[A proton pack is apparently normal by Cortana standards, themoreyouknow.jpg.]

[steelandtemper]

[...sure why not.]

Maybe you need to talk to Dr. Stantz about extermination services.

[ordinarily]

No, see, my parents made it. On purpose.

[ A beat. ]

They're... scientists, technically.

[steelandtemper]

[Don't tell her about Judge Death. She'll stop talking to you.]

Why is that a thing you need a department for?

[She knows why, obviously. She's just expressing her opinion in rhetorical question form, like when she objected to Tucker's kid's existence.]

[steelandtemper]

[You started this avalanche, Rogers.]

Analysis of network traffic indicates Thor's on your side now. What changed?

[Too much to hope she caught him in a lie.]

[thedreamisdead]

You can only set so many things on fire. Some things you need to exorcise, pin down with a soul pike, and then set on fire.

[She's already mentioned Death and Friends elsewhere, but when Beeny hangs out with people named Dredd it's probably easy to assume it's a nickname.]

[walkingballpit]

[ Questioning Cap is surprisingly never getting easier. ]

Uh - I'm inclined to take your word on Nazis, but what? Wouldn't Mjolnir drive itself to the center of the earth before it let Odinso-nazi ever pick it up again?

[steelandtemper]

[She can't decide if going for the exposed throat here is on the level of kicking a puppy or not.

Dammit.]

I refuse to believe any of you are for real.

[hepunchedhitler]

Hitler didn't realize that Thor would be offended by the idea of being used for genocide.

[So Thor took his toys and went home. Regrettable, they could've used him during the war. But it was probably for the best. With him waving a hammer, HUAC might have tried to pull him aside and Lord knows how that would have ended up.]

[hepunchedhitler]

[Cap makes a pained face. Thor's like a brother to him, and it's harder now after his death, but... Thor wasn't the brightest bulb in the box.]

Let's just say that Hitler apparently knew exactly what to say for a while. He mainly used Thor for precision strikes and attempts to kill Stalin, not any of the Gestapo tactics that would have offended him or the hammer. It sounded like Thor was convinced Hitler was a devout Viking who was waging a proper war.

He changed his tune pretty quickly once he heard that madman's spiel about Aryan supremacy.

[rokketmann]

[ He does that to people. ] Oh, I'm definitely real. Most humanoids produce a weak electromagnetic field, and Braal has a high percentage of metal-oxide-based life; we evolved a stronger electromagnetic field as a defense mechanism.   There's nothing strange about it. It's science. 

[prettycoolguy]

I think we're in the minority, Cortana.

[steelandtemper]

Why your basement?

[She is unfamiliar with the standard comic book lack of safeguards.]

[walkingballpit]

[ Robbie's face settles into a possibly very familiar expression of annoyance. He might not say "The Avengers will never lecture me again", but he's definitely thinking it. ]

So, what you're telling me is... He got involved in a situation without knowing everything there possibly was to know about it, but it's totally okay because he felt bad about it later.

[steelandtemper]

There are so many other ways to destroy things than incendiaries.

[She likes massive kinetic overkill, personally.]

[steelandtemper]

Murdering noncombatants is not particularly valiant, no.

[Thor getting in way over his head because he's not paying enough attention is a consistent theme in Norse mythology, she'll give Cap that.]

[steelandtemper]

I guarantee you I know more about Braalian biology than you do.

[She just looked it up so this is now in fact true.]

[steelandtemper]

Only the first person from a given universe counts.

[Trust her, she's made from the brain of a scientist.]