thelegion | [video]

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[What has no thumbs and is sick to death of gods and sorcerers and magic spears and all the similar crap that keeps popping up? This AI.

Well, actually, her hologram has thumbs, but they're currently not visible behind the equally holographic folded arms.]

Poll: how many of you are from universes where the supernatural is real? Magic, gods, shoe-making elves that aren't just a parable about virtue, whatever.

[Why Grimm's Fairy Tales? Why not Grimm's Fairy Tales? It's all equally nonsense as far as thorough-going materialist Cortana is concerned.]

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[Cap makes a pained face. Thor's like a brother to him, and it's harder now after his death, but... Thor wasn't the brightest bulb in the box.]

Let's just say that Hitler apparently knew exactly what to say for a while. He mainly used Thor for precision strikes and attempts to kill Stalin, not any of the Gestapo tactics that would have offended him or the hammer. It sounded like Thor was convinced Hitler was a devout Viking who was waging a proper war.

He changed his tune pretty quickly once he heard that madman's spiel about Aryan supremacy.

[ Robbie's face settles into a possibly very familiar expression of annoyance. He might not say "The Avengers will never lecture me again", but he's definitely thinking it. ]

So, what you're telling me is... He got involved in a situation without knowing everything there possibly was to know about it, but it's totally okay because he felt bad about it later.

He made amends as best he could at the time.

[And then erased everyone's memory. That part still rankled a little, but different times.]

There are reasons I try to teach people to find out the entire situation before getting involved in things. We were fortunate that he didn't destabilize the war effort or kill Stalin like he'd planned.

I'm sure his Nuremberg defense was amazing. Forsooth, I was only following my role as a war god.

[ He left out the bork bork bork because Nazis aren't funny. ]

When do you teach them that? The Avengers turn down teenaged heroes all the time. You leave them to figure it all out for themselves, unless they've been tortured in an Avengers endorsed program. Then the sane teachers spend half the time making sure they're not getting lectures about the best vibrators or blown up!

Speedball.

[His voice is chiding. Nuremberg was no joke, either. At the rest, his eyebrows raise a little.]

Granted, I know I'm tough on our trainees sometimes, but I wouldn't call the underaged trainee program 'torture'.

[For one thing, he's been tortured.]
If anyone felt that strongly about it, or if any of our members were making inappropriate advances [Which Cap finds hard to believe. Except Starfox.], then they should have said something.

[Because, frankly, complaining to their friends in the New Warriors wouldn't get as much done as a word in Jan's ear. Or his.]

[ There was at least SOME attempt at self editing, and it's not like he laughed. ]

Captain.

[ Ordinarily, the break after the codename would be an imitation, but he legitimately needs the time to put together a response that doesn't involve screaming. ]

It wasn't the trainee program. It was Camp Hammond, and it was torture. I've read their files. The Green Goblin tortured some of them personally. He was trying to enhance their powers. Their lives will never be the same.

[ The rest is an afterthought. ]

And it kind of pales in comparison, but no one was hitting on the students.

Mr. Robbie, he's from before Stamford.

Uncle Steve, stuff like this is why you sort out timeline ASAP.

[If they're gonna fight, Val wants it to be over something one of them actually did.]

[ It figures that, the one time he tees off on someone about that,it's the guy who doesn't remember any of it. ]

Great. I guess we just pretend this conversation never happened, unless Querl has a Time Trapper proof tattoo ink so we can send him home with a full sleeve of notes.

Thank you, Valeria.

[Even if you did just out Speedball's identity. He'll let that slide and try to forget, though.]

If that's what you want to do. I know timelines can be... tricky.

If it's what you want to do, I'm cool with sparing you the ulcer and depression.

[ No one could possibly have a good reaction to learning about the superhero civil war and all that it entailed, including Cap's own supposed death and Thor... was it Thor that killed the Wasp? ... no, it was Skrull Thor or... something. Robbie can't remember much of that part. ]

They put a lot of it in that Legion Legacy show. It's not all of it, but... you'd get the idea.

[Things may be awkward as HELL between Vance and Robbie right now, but that doesn't mean that Vance isn't keeping an ear to the comms. So this isn't entirely a surprise. And especially with Valeria's confirmation that this Cap isn't from their time. Or closer to their time.]

Sorry, Cap. It's been a...rough last few years back home.

[And it's probably easier to tell with Vance that he's at least a good several years past where Steve's from. And his powers don't mean that he sometimes looks older than he actually is.]

[That's just life, really.]

Sounds like it.

[Vance definitely looks older. And sounds more... worn.]

I'm hearing things that sound more like some of the X-Men's claims from a few years back.

[Or any of the other futures that never came to be that Cap had run across over the years.]

If you're still around to keep an eye on things, we can't be doing too poorly.

[It's all been a massive shit show and Vance and Robbie are still dealing with the fall out of it. Robbie more than Vance, of course.]

Mmm. Well, like Robbie said, the Legacy that they did on us covers a lot of what happened. Not everything because neither of us was there for all parts of it, but enough to give you a hint. If you wanted to know, at least.

Wait wait. Seriously?

Every time I think everything in our world is as stupid as it gets, someone comes in here with "yeah and then Thor tried to kill Stalin that one time."

You must be... [Kid Nova really looked a lot smaller.] ...Regular Nova?

[The Adjectiveless Nova.]

Strange things happened in the War.

Yeah, that's me.

[ Hey, he'll take Regular Nova over Mini-Nova. Or Diet Nova. Or...who knows. ]

If they told us about this stuff in US History I totally would've gotten better than a C.

That one didn't exactly make it into the history books. There's a lot of things that never did, but it would have been uncomfortable for Thor if it did, I think.

Yeah, I get uncomfortable when people point out I've acted like a dumbass too.

He did immediately reverse his position when he heard what the Nazis were really after. He wouldn't be the first one to be fooled by that crowd.

I for one have a personal policy to never trust anyone whose mustache looks that stupid.

It used to be quite popular when I was a teen. Charlie Chaplin wore it pretty well.

It's understandable why anyone would hesitate to go for that now, though.

You know what else used to be popular? Parachute pants.

[ WHICH ARE ALSO INEXCUSABLY STUPID as far as he's concerned ]

What's wrong with parachute pants?

Everything.

My-my-my-my music makes me so hard makes me say oh my Lord
Thank you for blessing me with a mind to rhyme and two hype feet
That's good when you know you're down
A super dope homeboy from the Oaktown
And I'm known as such
And this is a beat uh u can't touch

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