Video

[lovernotafighter]

[This day had to come eventually, didn't it? Just another one of those damn Blood Gulch Sim Troops arriving here to crash the party, and predictability a little late like always. But hey, it wasn't like he hadn't been busy saving a planet or being blissfully retired or anything equally as important. Nope.

The video shifted a little as Tucker tried to set it upright, but it soon found itself quickly propped at an angle that said this wasn't his first time recording himself; the purpose of such skills would be left up to the viewer to guess at their own discretion. But hey, have Tucker with that beautiful aqua colored armor looking right back at you, even as he sat back down and tried to appear relaxed, cool, okay with ...well, all this. All this.

Ladies in hot tight superhero outfits definitely helped.]

So, yeah, Tucker here. [It felt like an interview with Dylan. Good thing talking about himself was one of his favorite things to do.] Please try to contain your applause, but ladies, feel free to toss your bras in my general direction.

[No shame, this one.]

You know, I was kind of busy back home. [With Church shit. It was always Church shit, and there wasn't a single damn regret for it; in a way, he hoped it kept being Church shit because that meant that bastard was still around. Tucker wanted to be back there, needed to be back there because--] Those idiots - my idiots - have no one to lead them now unless you count Sarge and no one counts Sarge. Shit, I don't even think the Reds count Sarge. Okay, so maybe Simmons does, but whatever.

[He sighed, rubbing his hand over his helmet before he just waved his hand.] But cool, superpowers, am I right? I mean, if I was getting chicks before, I'm getting triple chicks now.

[Let the record show that he was not, in fact, getting ladies before, and that the triple of "zero" is still "zero".]

Look, I just want to get this shit done and over with so I can get back to being a badass back home and get my shit done. So, you know, I'll do what I have to, I guess.

[There's a sigh, that burden of few choices and responsibility - ew - before he cocked is head up.]

Hey, important final question: where do all the hotties hang out around here? There's the title of wingman up for grabs if you tell me.

[At least the video ends there, and everyone was probably better for it.]

Comments

[video]

[thedreamisdead]

You didn't hear that a vow of chastity was part of the Legion Oath?

[It probably wasn't, but there's no reason she can't have a little fun with seeing how carefully he actually reads fine print.]

[video]

[lovernotafighter]

[No one ever reads those contracts, ever. Have you seen the one for an iPhone? Have you read it? Apple probably owned half the world's first born sons by now.]

...Okay, I'm out.

[Chastity? Deal breaker right there. Unless--]

Wait, are there kinky belts involved because maybe I'm back in?

[video]

[whyarewehere]

Oh my god it's you. Of all people, why is it you?

[ Grif is amazed. And it has to be Grif, that helmet and voice could belong to no one else. From the neck down, though, he's out of uniform (by Blood Gulch Crew standards) and in uniform (by Legion ones), the frame catches a stretch of black and orange future spandex. ]

[video]

[lovernotafighter]

Fuck you, I get to ask that question way more than you do.

[Because you bailed on them, Grif. You bailed on Church, on the Blues, and whatever; Tucker wasn't surprised by that even if he considered you a friend. But you bailed on your own team and that was a whole other level of messed up, dude. Whole. Other. Level.

Tucker held up one aqua middle finger.]

What the hell are you doing here?

[walkingballpit]

[ Have a lazily appraising blond dude who has nothing better to do tonight. ]

Wingman, huh? I already have two and a half. What are your qualifications?

[lovernotafighter]

[He'll take it.

Tucker smirked and brought out his sword and with a single minor movement of his wrist, let it power up. The blue light brightened the room a little, reflecting slightly off his armor.]

Um, just the most badass sword in the galaxy. Chicks dig war heroes, you know, and if you have a big sword, it means you have a big sword. Get it? Bow chicka bow wow.

Besides, I'm a single parent of the cutest kid who's working on his basketball scholarship, and ladies love a guy who cares about his kid. Makes them think we're good nurturers or something. [And while he wasn't adverse to admitting it, Tucker did love his son more than anything else in the world. He just didn't shout it from rooftops.]

And I'm a total hit with chicks. Ask anyone.

[whyarewehere]

Not being trustworthy with anyone's sister.

[ Not that he can personally verify these qualifications or anything. That would be silly, right? ]

[unrecovered]

[Wash is stunned.]

[More Reds and Blues arriving here has always been an option, and he knows that. That doesn't stop that premature swell of hope and relief in his chest - the idea that they're alive, that they made it out the other side of the battle he has yet to experience. He hasn't felt that since he first arrived here and saw Grif, the split second before learning that Grif's last memory is years into the past as far as Wash is concerned, and...well, Tucker hasn't actually said anything specific, has he. No pointers as to where he is on the timeline.]

[Well, shit. Time to be cautious and vague his own damn self, at least for now.]

Explain "no one to lead them."

[Because last time he checked, he was the leader of Blue Team.]

[...shit, please don't tell him he dies in that rescue mission.]

[lovernotafighter]

[Wait. Fuck, that's --]

Wash?

[What was more surprising at this point: Wash being here or Grif? Was Caboose around, too, because it really would've saved Tucker a headache and an early aneurysm; he knew the Reds would look after Caboose, but their idea of "looking after him" was letting him be in his own base which wasn't usually the best per any local fire marshal. Fuck.

But if Wash was here and Tucker was here, then that left Carolina, but she hadn't lead them, not really. Not like Wash had. Shit. Shit.

Unless she was here, too. J-Fucking-Christ, it was like a family reunion.]

Dude, why aren't you with Carolina? Or is she coming out of door number three?

[Don't mind him, just ignoring your request for a minute. Like usual.]

[video]

[prettycoolguy]

...Freelancer?

[ It's a simple question in a flat intonation. This man is certainly no Spartan, not behaving like that. The Chief knows how this goes by now, he's expecting another state name any minute. ]

[unrecovered]

Blue Team.

[video]

[hallaifyouherd]

What's a bra?

[video]

[lovernotafighter]

[How is it so obvious that he was checking her out when he was wearing a helmet?

But seriously, what's a bra? That was the question she asked? Fuck, man, he liked her.]

It's totally not important and just gets in the way when it's time to get down, that's what it is. [The excited tone in his voice projected the smile there; he hid nothing.] Guess I found out where the hotties are.

What's your name, baby?

video

[iamresponding]

[The man that replies has a faded vertical scar down the right side of his face.]

Hell, I'm not even from your world and I don't count Sarge.

[He waves a hand vaguely and there's a glint of metal because it's a robotic prosthetic.]

There was this alien hivemind that linked up some of our brains once and I saw one of Grif's memories -- you were in it. It was the bit where that idiot wanted you and your friends to line up in single file to get shot at, and then he suggested shooting Grif out of a cannon.

video

[lovernotafighter]

[Tucker opened his mouth to ask if Sarge was here - because who wanted that headache, really? – but then quickly shut it. Hivemind brain linkup sounded like Star Trek shit (TV show, not reboot movies, not that it really mattered to Tucker), and then came the more important question of all:]

Does shit like that happen a lot?

[Because some things were better left…quiet. Unknown. Viewable only to himself.

But really, this guy saw that? It took a minute to drag up the memory itself; it was fuzzy at best because so much shit had happened it was difficult to keep track of it all. Blood Gulch felt like so long ago, but it was still his favori—second favorite place. The moon he just left was pretty damn cool, too.]

Yeah, if Sarge didn’t want to use Grif as ammo, he wanted to use him as target practice for ammo. I mean, whatever, their team is crazy and pretty much about as ineffective as you can get, so it just made my job easier. [Says the guy that gave birth to an alien son and has a fellow Blue Team member who had a keyboard shortcut CTRL+F+U based solely for his team kills. But sure, he was on the “normal” side.]

[whyarewehere]

Wait, you actually remember that?

[ Grif just showed it to Rich in an effort to haul him out of that self-deprecating... thing Rich was doing at the time. He hadn't expected it to stick in the guy's head at all. It's a pretty normal scene from the life of Grif. ]

Video

[justice_from_above]

Certainly sounds like you've got your priorities straight.

[Fareeha is being sarcastic, if you couldn't tell. You could probably totally tell.]

Video

[lovernotafighter]

[Oh, he could tell; he was fluent in sarcasm, probably moreso in that than in English itself. It was a default mode he was comfortable in, and it showed in the smile...that she totally couldn't see because he wearing a helmet.

It was, however, obvious in his voice.]

Hey, no one said that I couldn't do the whole superhero gig and get laid at the same time. Unless it's in some fine print like the other person said...

What about you, huh? Mind if I'm one of your priorities tonight?

video

[muroieda]

I'm a hottie!

[He's either completely missed the insistence on chicks or he's just doing this to see if he can make Tucker uncomfortable. It's the latter, definitely the latter.]

In fact, I'm so hot that I'm always on fire!

[He gestures to his hair. Said gesturing hand has a awfully familar ring, except his is blue instead of red.]

See?

video

[lovernotafighter]

[It worked, but it worked because the dude was on fire. Fire! Fire, like he was hanging around Donut and his damn scented candles and--

He seemed proud of it. Was that...more disturbing? Less? Tucker didn't know. ]

Um, o-okay, but always? Even in the shower? When you're in the pool? Like, what happens if you're in a paper factory; do you just burn the whole thing to the ground? Do you sleep sitting up so you don't set the sheets on fire?

[So. Many. Questions. So many.

And...so that's her husband? Good to know she likes them hot. Well, hot and a little crazy.]</small

[rushing_by]

I take it you know Grif? I'm Barry Allen, the Flash. I've been teaching Grif how to use his superspeed.

[whyarewehere]

I already knew how to use it!

[ Kind of! He only ran into a wall one time! ]

video

[ordinarily]

... This is weird.

[whyarewehere]

This is pretty normal, actually.

voice

[savinglives]

[ He's laughing. Man, he's laughing so hard. ]

Good to know the Legion's standards are so high.

Video

[lovernotafighter]

[It totally wouldn't be the first - or probably the last - time someone laughed at him. Today, or you know, ever.]

Oh, I'm sorry, am I supposed to care what you think?

[He doesn't, not exactly, because he's used to people acting like that around him. Thick skin comes in handy. Years in Blood Gulch with a bunch of assholes came in even handier.]

video

[captainbuzzkill]

[The boy on the screen looks...infinitely too young for this stuff. Dipper has been faking that he's 14 to be allowed on the team, but he's only 13, and he's small even for a 13-year-old. And 14 is pretty damn young for life or death catastrophic struggles, anyway.]

I'd be careful about being super gross about girls, because I think there's a certain point where the team's no-kill rule would just stop applying.

[A pause.]

Also, you're an adult who should understand boundaries and basic consideration for other people's feelings. Seriously, man. Don't be that guy.

video

[lovernotafighter]

[God, kids? They're freaking recruiting kids for this shit? For a minute, Tucker frowned in the safe confines of his helmet; this reminded him of his son, back home probably studying between the basketball games.

He imagined Junior being stuck in this, and--Nope. Nope, no way at all.]

Yeah, but have you even had a girlfriend yet, kid, or are you still sleeping in your Superman sheets?

[Two could play this game.]

Do you even know what chicks like?

[video]

[short_changed]

[If not for the armour Connie might have skipped over paying the message too much attention. If she had to guess, Tucker sounds more like the kind of soldier from around her neck of the woods rather than Chief's. At the moment there's little more she can say than a single, unimpressed word.]

Wow.

[video]

[lovernotafighter]

[Well, of course she'd notice the armor: it was the best color in the whole military. Only a special kind of person was allowed to wear aqua (or so he liked to tell himself). ]

Yeah, I know: I'm pretty impressive.

Video

[4starsaviour]

They're giving away chickens here? All right! I haven't had real meat since that time when they served bacon!

Oh, or is your superpower to make chickens? Can I cook up one of 'em? Pleeeease?

Video

[lovernotafighter]

Wait, I thought they were vegan! How were they serving bacon, unless it was that facon stuff. [Fake bacon. Facon. Gross. Insult to tastebuds everywhere.]

Nah, dude, I don't-- that's just a stupid power! How would you even do that? Lay them? You think I lay chickens?

[Now he's just curious.]