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[lovernotafighter]

[This day had to come eventually, didn't it? Just another one of those damn Blood Gulch Sim Troops arriving here to crash the party, and predictability a little late like always. But hey, it wasn't like he hadn't been busy saving a planet or being blissfully retired or anything equally as important. Nope.

The video shifted a little as Tucker tried to set it upright, but it soon found itself quickly propped at an angle that said this wasn't his first time recording himself; the purpose of such skills would be left up to the viewer to guess at their own discretion. But hey, have Tucker with that beautiful aqua colored armor looking right back at you, even as he sat back down and tried to appear relaxed, cool, okay with ...well, all this. All this.

Ladies in hot tight superhero outfits definitely helped.]

So, yeah, Tucker here. [It felt like an interview with Dylan. Good thing talking about himself was one of his favorite things to do.] Please try to contain your applause, but ladies, feel free to toss your bras in my general direction.

[No shame, this one.]

You know, I was kind of busy back home. [With Church shit. It was always Church shit, and there wasn't a single damn regret for it; in a way, he hoped it kept being Church shit because that meant that bastard was still around. Tucker wanted to be back there, needed to be back there because--] Those idiots - my idiots - have no one to lead them now unless you count Sarge and no one counts Sarge. Shit, I don't even think the Reds count Sarge. Okay, so maybe Simmons does, but whatever.

[He sighed, rubbing his hand over his helmet before he just waved his hand.] But cool, superpowers, am I right? I mean, if I was getting chicks before, I'm getting triple chicks now.

[Let the record show that he was not, in fact, getting ladies before, and that the triple of "zero" is still "zero".]

Look, I just want to get this shit done and over with so I can get back to being a badass back home and get my shit done. So, you know, I'll do what I have to, I guess.

[There's a sigh, that burden of few choices and responsibility - ew - before he cocked is head up.]

Hey, important final question: where do all the hotties hang out around here? There's the title of wingman up for grabs if you tell me.

[At least the video ends there, and everyone was probably better for it.]

Comments

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[araignee_du_soir]

Not made of metal.

[That would be extremely uncomfortable to wear. But she did have a regular bikini.]

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[lovernotafighter]

Cool. Rusty bits have to suck.

[What? Metal rusts, and you don't want that happening there.] Maybe I'll get to see it sometime? Like on the floor of my room?

[Some people had a deathwish. This was one of them.]

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[araignee_du_soir]

[Widowmaker got a certain look in her eyes, a flicker in her cool gaze, that would set off warning bells to those that knew her well. It was like a predator having scented blood on the wind.]

That can be arranged.

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[lovernotafighter]

[Well, that wasn't ominous at all.

But hey, behind his helmet, there was a smile, if not slightly skeptical.]

I think I'm going to like making arrangements with you.

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[araignee_du_soir]

['Come into my parlor,' said the spider to the fly.]

A lady does not make arrangements with a suit of armor. Do you have a face underneath that helmet? It is only fair, considering how much of me you wish to see.

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[lovernotafighter]

[Look, it was going to happen eventually, with Tucker's need to sleep naked, which made for uncomfortable passing in the hallways at three a.m. for the bathroom. But he also knew that not giving into a woman's request totally built suspense and made them want it more. Scientific fact. After all, they did call him Professor Fuc--]

Oh, I've got a face but it's reserved for dates with platekinis.

[Tucker no.]

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[araignee_du_soir]

We already established my lack of one of those.

[She raised her eyebrows, as they had already decided a platekini was impractical.]

I do not care much for voyeurs, Monsieur Tucker. And fully in your armor, that is all you will be. It must get a bit... uncomfortable from time to time.

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[lovernotafighter]

Hey, I wasn't being picky; I just meant Robbie's version of it.

[Voyeur, huh? He'd been called worse.]

Trust me, after this long I've gotten used to it. [Oh, and his smug little smirk was so clearly audible when he spoke.]

You totally want to see me naked, don't you? Can't blame you; war heroes have that affect on the ladies.

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[araignee_du_soir]

I did idolize such heroes as a child. Then I got older and realized a man is just a man, regardless of their role in war. Some men are just more appealing than others.

[Artfully dodging answering that question directly. A man was certainly vulnerable when bearing it all...]

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[lovernotafighter]

[She wasn't exactly wrong, and he wasn't going to argue. Sure, he was front-lines-leadership-role-fighting, but that wasn't that different then the kid lieutenants that he knew were dying back on the surface. They were all important.]

So, what kind of man do you find appealing, then?

[Please don't say a dead one.]

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[araignee_du_soir]

[Oddly, a hint of a real smile touched her lips. What kind of man did she like?]

An insufferable one.

[Gérard has been so insufferable when they first met. So persistent. But he did it with class. Tucker was not remotely as smooth as her late husband had been.]

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[lovernotafighter]

[Insufferable, huh? That was pretty much Tucker's M.O..

But class? Class was a completely different story. ]

Then lady, you're in luck because it seems like I'm just your type.

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[araignee_du_soir]

Perhaps. [She smirked.] We shall have to see how you endure the cold.

Take your helmet off.

[unrecovered]

Tucker.

Her name is Widowmaker.

Stop it.

[lovernotafighter]

Good thing I'm not married so there can't be a widow.

[Boom.]

[unrecovered]

No, but there can be a corpse.

Just don't.

[lovernotafighter]

Have you seen her, though?

[unrecovered]

Yeah. I have. [Dry as the fucking desert, that.]

Here's a thought: maybe you should trust the word of someone who's been here for months and knows what certain people are like instead of letting your dick get you into trouble.

[Please do not fuck the international terrorist with strong ties to Reaper. Do not do this to him.]

[lovernotafighter]

[Goddammit, Wash, why do you have to ruin everything fun? And why do you have to use the word trust? You know he does, mostly because it's you and less because you've been here longer.

Damn teammates.]

...you make my life super boring, you know that?

[unrecovered]

You're welcome.

[Maui.jpg]

[He really should keep his mouth shut for the purposes of decency, but he's learned a long time ago that he can't close a door in front of his team without opening a window; otherwise they'll break the whole goddamn wall down.]

Look, you're a Legionnaire, which means you're on the fast track to being a celebrity. Give it a month, and people will be lining up to hook up with you.

[araignee_du_soir]

You really know how to ruin a girl's fun.

[She wasn't even going to kill him... despite his offer to do just that. Repeatedly.]

[unrecovered]

It's what I'm good at.

[araignee_du_soir]

No wonder you are so uptight.

[Clearly someone needs to get laid. Widowmaker is not volunteering.]

[unrecovered]

Oh, wow. An insult to my masculinity. How will I ever survive. [Dry as the fucking desert, redux. Wash put up with York during York's jackass phase; Widowmaker is going to need to get a lot more personal to get a rise out of him.]

[lovernotafighter]

You're the worst wingman ever, you know that?