thelegion | Video

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[This day had to come eventually, didn't it? Just another one of those damn Blood Gulch Sim Troops arriving here to crash the party, and predictability a little late like always. But hey, it wasn't like he hadn't been busy saving a planet or being blissfully retired or anything equally as important. Nope.

The video shifted a little as Tucker tried to set it upright, but it soon found itself quickly propped at an angle that said this wasn't his first time recording himself; the purpose of such skills would be left up to the viewer to guess at their own discretion. But hey, have Tucker with that beautiful aqua colored armor looking right back at you, even as he sat back down and tried to appear relaxed, cool, okay with ...well, all this. All this.

Ladies in hot tight superhero outfits definitely helped.]

So, yeah, Tucker here. [It felt like an interview with Dylan. Good thing talking about himself was one of his favorite things to do.] Please try to contain your applause, but ladies, feel free to toss your bras in my general direction.

[No shame, this one.]

You know, I was kind of busy back home. [With Church shit. It was always Church shit, and there wasn't a single damn regret for it; in a way, he hoped it kept being Church shit because that meant that bastard was still around. Tucker wanted to be back there, needed to be back there because--] Those idiots - my idiots - have no one to lead them now unless you count Sarge and no one counts Sarge. Shit, I don't even think the Reds count Sarge. Okay, so maybe Simmons does, but whatever.

[He sighed, rubbing his hand over his helmet before he just waved his hand.] But cool, superpowers, am I right? I mean, if I was getting chicks before, I'm getting triple chicks now.

[Let the record show that he was not, in fact, getting ladies before, and that the triple of "zero" is still "zero".]

Look, I just want to get this shit done and over with so I can get back to being a badass back home and get my shit done. So, you know, I'll do what I have to, I guess.

[There's a sigh, that burden of few choices and responsibility - ew - before he cocked is head up.]

Hey, important final question: where do all the hotties hang out around here? There's the title of wingman up for grabs if you tell me.

[At least the video ends there, and everyone was probably better for it.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh, come on, there's gotta be other questionable super hero names, right? And hey, if she ever goes evil, she doesn't need a name swap.

[He knew so little. Maybe it was for the best.

But he did know about skimpy armored clothes. He went to a theme-strip club once, and he remembered seeing pretty much the same thing on one of the dancers, and it wasn't half bad. Wasn't bad up on stage.]

Dude, if she's hot enough, she can kill me fifteen times.

[Oh, look who showed up, long dark hair falling over her shoulder.]

Promises, promises...

[Tucker could put two and two together, and well, damn. Just...damn.

First off, the name fit. Too damn well. And second...god, show him a platekini.]

Okay, I lied. Twenty. Twenty-five if you say my name while doing it.

Merveilleux.

Though I do hope your stamina holds. Such a rigorous rendezvous with death takes its toll on a man.

I'm a single dad, a war hero, and an alien Chosen One. Pretty sure if none of that killed me permanently, nothing will.

But I'm more than happy to let you beat on me for awhile. Do you come with the platekini I've been hearing all about?

[Interesting qualifications. Maybe she will have some fun with this one.

She propped the omnicomm up and stepped back so Tucker could get a look at her, blue skin contrasting nicely.]

This is what Robbie calls a 'platekini'. Such a silly name.

["Interesting" is one word for him. There were many, of course, and most of them weren't as positive.

And just watch him lean forward, nodding up and down. Yep. He was totally on board.]

Yeah, I thought it was going to be less, like an actual bikini made of metal. You have one those somewhere?

[Please say you do. ]

Not made of metal.

[That would be extremely uncomfortable to wear. But she did have a regular bikini.]

Cool. Rusty bits have to suck.

[What? Metal rusts, and you don't want that happening there.] Maybe I'll get to see it sometime? Like on the floor of my room?

[Some people had a deathwish. This was one of them.]

[Widowmaker got a certain look in her eyes, a flicker in her cool gaze, that would set off warning bells to those that knew her well. It was like a predator having scented blood on the wind.]

That can be arranged.

[Well, that wasn't ominous at all.

But hey, behind his helmet, there was a smile, if not slightly skeptical.]

I think I'm going to like making arrangements with you.

['Come into my parlor,' said the spider to the fly.]

A lady does not make arrangements with a suit of armor. Do you have a face underneath that helmet? It is only fair, considering how much of me you wish to see.

[Look, it was going to happen eventually, with Tucker's need to sleep naked, which made for uncomfortable passing in the hallways at three a.m. for the bathroom. But he also knew that not giving into a woman's request totally built suspense and made them want it more. Scientific fact. After all, they did call him Professor Fuc--]

Oh, I've got a face but it's reserved for dates with platekinis.

[Tucker no.]

We already established my lack of one of those.

[She raised her eyebrows, as they had already decided a platekini was impractical.]

I do not care much for voyeurs, Monsieur Tucker. And fully in your armor, that is all you will be. It must get a bit... uncomfortable from time to time.