thelegion | Video

[This day had to come eventually, didn't it? Just another one of those damn Blood Gulch Sim Troops arriving here to crash the party, and predictability a little late like always. But hey, it wasn't like he hadn't been busy saving a planet or being blissfully retired or anything equally as important. Nope.

The video shifted a little as Tucker tried to set it upright, but it soon found itself quickly propped at an angle that said this wasn't his first time recording himself; the purpose of such skills would be left up to the viewer to guess at their own discretion. But hey, have Tucker with that beautiful aqua colored armor looking right back at you, even as he sat back down and tried to appear relaxed, cool, okay with ...well, all this. All this.

Ladies in hot tight superhero outfits definitely helped.]

So, yeah, Tucker here. [It felt like an interview with Dylan. Good thing talking about himself was one of his favorite things to do.] Please try to contain your applause, but ladies, feel free to toss your bras in my general direction.

[No shame, this one.]

You know, I was kind of busy back home. [With Church shit. It was always Church shit, and there wasn't a single damn regret for it; in a way, he hoped it kept being Church shit because that meant that bastard was still around. Tucker wanted to be back there, needed to be back there because--] Those idiots - my idiots - have no one to lead them now unless you count Sarge and no one counts Sarge. Shit, I don't even think the Reds count Sarge. Okay, so maybe Simmons does, but whatever.

[He sighed, rubbing his hand over his helmet before he just waved his hand.] But cool, superpowers, am I right? I mean, if I was getting chicks before, I'm getting triple chicks now.

[Let the record show that he was not, in fact, getting ladies before, and that the triple of "zero" is still "zero".]

Look, I just want to get this shit done and over with so I can get back to being a badass back home and get my shit done. So, you know, I'll do what I have to, I guess.

[There's a sigh, that burden of few choices and responsibility - ew - before he cocked is head up.]

Hey, important final question: where do all the hotties hang out around here? There's the title of wingman up for grabs if you tell me.

[At least the video ends there, and everyone was probably better for it.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Kiss my ass, Blue.

You know, I think your sister said that to me, too. Bow chicka bow wow.

Bow chicka bow wow? Your game is weak, bro.

[ Robbie shakes his head. ]

Being a dog about your life doesn't help.

Um, my game is awesome. Pretty sure I was the only one out of us who got laid.

[Well, until the Temple of Procreation went off, and then everyone had a little fun...]

If you think this is a dog, I'm scared for later.

Congratulations, your species has evolved to include sexual reproduction. You are at least is amazing as mayflies and some species of plankton. Hooray!

Dude, you're talking about getting it on with someone that Grif's related to. Do you have any idea how uncomfortable it is when someone tells you, like, your mom is hot?

My mom was awesome. Where do you think I got all my good looks from? [ There was a note of pride thick in those words, a fundamental truth. If it went beyond those questions, there would be issues, but the ground was still safe here. Temporarily.

His mom was pretty cool, though.]

Besides, it's not like Grif doesn't know; both of us told him, and I'm pretty sure he heard us from over back on Red Base. This is just how shit is.

[Which is, for the record, a mess.]

Dude. You're wearing a helmet.

[ It's a very pointed statement, because his first thought was to make an ugly joke. ]

Aaaaaand now the whole team knows. Great job!

[ Two thumbs up! ]

I wear it so I don't make other people feel all inferior over how fucking awesome looking I am. Trust me, it's safer for everyone.

[Lies. Lies. So many lies.]

It's not really a big deal that everyone knows. If she was here, she'd tell you the same thing.

[I.E. they're all really bad at shutting up. Sorry...?]

That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

[ Robbie rubs his chin in thought. ]

Second stupidest - third. Let's go with fifth, but it's still something you should never repeat, ever, because if it catches on the actually hot people will never see sunlight again.

[ Grif just groans. ]

[ Sometimes, just sometimes, a little flicker in the back of his mind misses these losers. And sometimes, just sometimes, one of them shows up to remind him he's a goddamn idiot for it. ]

[Look, if you expected anything else then your memory must be worse than you thought. This is it. These are the stupid Blood Gulch idiots.

And whether you want to admit it or not, you're one of them. Somewhere down there.

Tucker? Tucker just flips him off and laughed.]

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