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[He's had days to think about this. Spent a lot of time cooped up and moping. But the medicine is working and the words are coming back and sometimes he actually has the energy to move. He went to his Hab space the other day, slipped off his shoes and laid in the grass, the same way he had when he first got to Legion World and had reveled in the feeling of still being alive.]
[He's not sure if he's glad to be alive now, but he's at least glad that if he is alive, he's not there. He's glad that he never has to go back - that there isn't even a back to go to. The Cancerverse is gone. For good. ]
[And he's talked to a few people, and has had a lot to think about.]
[Robbie promised him a penthouse room in Mt. Wundagore and... he's ready to go home. He's ready to go home and do a lot of things differently. He's ready to take what he's learned from being in the Legion, not the least of which was to lean on his friends again instead of taking it all on alone.]
[He's still jittery and on edge and he doesn't like being seen that way, so his message to the rest of the team is in text. It's just easier to talk to people that way. For someone who tries to be kind when others are at their weakest, he's never been comfortable with anyone seeing him that way.]
Sorry it's taken me so long to talk to everyone. I needed some time to myself. My memories of the Cancerverse are still all jumbled up in a way where I can't really tell where I was first - here on Legion World or there.
Anyway, I want to say I'm sorry for what I did while I was under the control of the squids. It felt like something was wrong but I didn't know what and anytime I thought about talking to someone, I just...didn't want anything to be wrong. And it got all hazy whenever I thought about doing something about it.
But I should've tried harder to tell someone.
And if I said anything weird or nasty to anyone, I'm sorry for that, too. I can remember things better now and it was like two conversations were always going on, one where they were talking through me and a fake one they made me remember. I always walked away thinking I'd said something else. I think they were trying to isolate me and push people away. I swear if they said something awful, I didn't mean it. I remember saying something else.
As for how I'm doing, since I know a few of you might ask: Dr. Ry'kerr says I have PTSD now. I've always been pushing close to it, with the war and everything back home, but this pushed me right over the edge, I guess. She says it's better if I talk about it instead of pretending it's not there. I don't know if that's true but some of the other stuff she's done has helped so far.
I'll be honest, I'm kind of a mess right now. But I'm not there, that's what matters.
It's bad enough, though, that I don't know if I'll be able to help the team for a while. I think if everything goes to hell with Chronoblivion, I can maybe step up, but right now I just need some time to work through some things. Kid Q says I should take it easy and that if I get cleared for duty again, we'll try some easy missions first. Baby steps.
A lot of people helped me in the Cancerverse - and Peter and Worldmind, too, and I want to thank all of you. Dying wasn't an option but you all could've wound up stuck in that place, and trust me, that would've been worse. I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for you. I'd either be dead or stuck there again. Forever. Which I don't even want to think about.
I don't know how I feel about being here right now, but I know how I feel about not being there. The time I spent there made it so I was barely a person anymore. Just instinct and misery. I could've been trapped in all that again, but I wasn't thanks to some of you. So thank you.
I guess that's all I wanted to say.
[He's not sure if he's glad to be alive now, but he's at least glad that if he is alive, he's not there. He's glad that he never has to go back - that there isn't even a back to go to. The Cancerverse is gone. For good. ]
[And he's talked to a few people, and has had a lot to think about.]
[Robbie promised him a penthouse room in Mt. Wundagore and... he's ready to go home. He's ready to go home and do a lot of things differently. He's ready to take what he's learned from being in the Legion, not the least of which was to lean on his friends again instead of taking it all on alone.]
[He's still jittery and on edge and he doesn't like being seen that way, so his message to the rest of the team is in text. It's just easier to talk to people that way. For someone who tries to be kind when others are at their weakest, he's never been comfortable with anyone seeing him that way.]
Sorry it's taken me so long to talk to everyone. I needed some time to myself. My memories of the Cancerverse are still all jumbled up in a way where I can't really tell where I was first - here on Legion World or there.
Anyway, I want to say I'm sorry for what I did while I was under the control of the squids. It felt like something was wrong but I didn't know what and anytime I thought about talking to someone, I just...didn't want anything to be wrong. And it got all hazy whenever I thought about doing something about it.
But I should've tried harder to tell someone.
And if I said anything weird or nasty to anyone, I'm sorry for that, too. I can remember things better now and it was like two conversations were always going on, one where they were talking through me and a fake one they made me remember. I always walked away thinking I'd said something else. I think they were trying to isolate me and push people away. I swear if they said something awful, I didn't mean it. I remember saying something else.
As for how I'm doing, since I know a few of you might ask: Dr. Ry'kerr says I have PTSD now. I've always been pushing close to it, with the war and everything back home, but this pushed me right over the edge, I guess. She says it's better if I talk about it instead of pretending it's not there. I don't know if that's true but some of the other stuff she's done has helped so far.
I'll be honest, I'm kind of a mess right now. But I'm not there, that's what matters.
It's bad enough, though, that I don't know if I'll be able to help the team for a while. I think if everything goes to hell with Chronoblivion, I can maybe step up, but right now I just need some time to work through some things. Kid Q says I should take it easy and that if I get cleared for duty again, we'll try some easy missions first. Baby steps.
A lot of people helped me in the Cancerverse - and Peter and Worldmind, too, and I want to thank all of you. Dying wasn't an option but you all could've wound up stuck in that place, and trust me, that would've been worse. I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for you. I'd either be dead or stuck there again. Forever. Which I don't even want to think about.
I don't know how I feel about being here right now, but I know how I feel about not being there. The time I spent there made it so I was barely a person anymore. Just instinct and misery. I could've been trapped in all that again, but I wasn't thanks to some of you. So thank you.
I guess that's all I wanted to say.