[text]

[dungenessmaster]

SO LET ME SEE IF I'VE GOT THIS RIGHT, BECAUSE AFTER AN INFODUMP LIKE THAT MY THINKPAN IS THREATENING TO SPLIT APART FROM THE SHEER FORCE OF HOW BULLSHIT THIS ALL IS.

MY FRIENDS AND I GET DRAGGED SCREAMING AND FLAILING INTO AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS-INDUCING BID TO LEAVE EVERYTHING WE'VE EVER KNOWN BEHIND IN THE HOPES OF MAKING SOMETHING BETTER, GET BLOCKED ON THAT AT EVERY TURN, DIE OR COME CLOSE TO IT A WHOLE FUCKING LOT, SPEND THREE EARTH YEARS ON THE SHITTIEST POSSIBLE ROUTE THROUGH PARADOX SPACE TO THE BIG FINAL SHOWDOWN, COME THROUGH THAT WITH OUR MORTAL HUSKS MORE OR LESS UNSCATHED, AND *NOW* YOU'RE TELLING ME I'VE BEEN SHOOSHED TO YET ANOTHER NONSENSE-INFESTED CORNER OF REALITY?

TO FIX THINGS?

IS THERE ANY END TO THIS OVERTORQUED CAROUSEL OF MADNESS, OR ARE WE ALL SUPPOSED TO HOLD ON UNTIL WE'RE FLUNG TO OUR DOOM OR COVERED IN OUR OWN VILE STOMACH CONTENTS??

((OOC: Karkat hasn't taken the oath yet. Also, anyone who doesn't want to deal with trolltext can opt out here or simply reply with voice/video. He'll match you!))

Comments

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[wherenoonegoes]

To be honest? It's probably that second one.

[dungenessmaster]

SUPER. GOOD TO KNOW. SO I GUESS I CAN STOP HOPING THIS IS SOME SORT OF FUCKED-UP DREAM OR RANDOM VISION QUEST BY AN ESPECIALLY HATEFUL SPIRIT GUIDE.

DID ANY OTHER TROLLS HAPPEN TO MAKE IT HERE TOO? OR I GUESS ANY OF MY INSUFFERABLE HUMAN FRIENDS, EASILY IDENTIFIED BY THEIR REMARKABLY PUNCHABLE FACES.

[wherenoonegoes]

Does a guy named Dave who writes in eye-gougingly bright red text ring any bells?

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[isthisapidge]

Your capslock function is a friend, not your rented mule to beat whenever you need to carry a thought.
Did I miss a memo and we're all picking stupid font colors now?

[whyarewehere]

you're obviously like a week behind on hot new comm use trends, get with it pidge.

[isthisapidge]

Oh, my mistake.
I guess typing like you're trying to get banned from using a keyboard ever again is cool.

[iamresponding]

Are you sure this is a place you really want to go?

[dungenessmaster]

MY FONTS AND WHAT I CHOOSE TO DO WITH THEM RE A CULTURALLY-SENSITIVE MATTER THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

[isthisapidge]

Except that I have to look at them every time you post.
Not that I buy that "culturally-sensitive" thing to start with.

[text]

[whyarewehere]

okay so what percentage of that was i supposed to be able to understand? because dude.

[text]

[dungenessmaster]

OKAY, SO WE HAVEN'T MET BEFORE AS FAR AS I KNOW SO YOU AREN'T ACCUSTOMED TO MY SPITTLE-FLECKED MISSIVES OF NOISE AND ANGER.

THE SHORT VERSION IS THAT MY NUTRITION PLATEAU WAS ALREADY HEAPED TO THE LIMITS *BEFORE* THE NEW EARTH SPACE HERO INITIATIVE DECIDED TO START RECRUITING FROM THE LEAST FORTUNATE DEPTHS OF THE KNOWN UNIVERSES.

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[frickingguardian]

The whining might get a little more sympathy if people could READ it.

You get hit on the head or something? Cause normal people don't type like that.

[dungenessmaster]

WHY WOULD I GIVE THE FIRST WILTED, GIBBERING FUCK WHAT YOUR CONCEPT OF 'NORMAL' TYPES LIKE?

MY TEXT IS A TRADITION WHERE I'M FROM, AND IT'S JUST ABOUT THE ONLY THING I GOT TO KEEP, SO HERE IT IS! WE CAN ENDURE THIS THRILLING MULTICULTURAL SHITSTORM TOGETHER, YOU AND I.

[AUDIO]

[kingtyrantranger]

Am I the only one not having problems reading this?

[Maybe it's because he's left his omnicomm on the default settings, so the text is darker against a white background.]

At least you've got valuable experience you can give to the rest of us, right? For what it's worth, I'm sorry you're having to go through everything all over again.

[AUDIO]

[dungenessmaster]

Apparently! Are you in charge of these people? Because a good half of them could use some extra training before you let them have access to people's memos on here.

[But this guy is taking a pretty reasonable tone with him, and it's harder to rage against someone who's making sense.]

I mean, I guess? It wouldn't be my first clash with an interdimensional horror, but I didn't exactly say yes yet.

[turntex]

[Oh. Holy shit. If he'd had any doubts about it being Karkat based just on the text, they're quickly extinguished by that distinctive vocabulary. Dave scrambles to send a reply but pauses as he goes to actually type something, because what does one say in this situation? "Oh my god I wasn't sure if I'd ever see you again"? "I missed you"? "Where the fuck are you because I need to come find you right now"?

In the end, he takes a moment to calm himself and plays it cool.]

yo
took you long enough
i was beginning to think i was stuck here alone with the baby justice league forever

[dungenessmaster]

[Whoa. Calm text person up top there hadn't been pulling his connector stump. The red text gives almost nothing away, but you don't spend nearly every waking moment around someone and without learning to read what they're not saying.]

HI AGAIN, IDIOT.

IS ANYONE ELSE WE KNOW HERE? AND WHERE ARE YOU? I SEEM TO BE IN SOME SORT OF OBSERVATION DECK, BUT IT SUCKS AND I WANT TO LEAVE.

[Not that he's worried about you or anything.]

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[iamresponding]

i'm just going to assume the text thing is a thing for a reason, and if it isn't it's fun watching everyone go nuts over it anyway.

so hi. my name is rich rider. i also go by nova prime. all the stuff you said about existential-crisis-inducing bids to change things, and dying or coming close to it a whole lot, is pretty goddamn familiar. a lot of the people here carry around shovels to deal with all the bullshit they find themselves dealing with.

to answer your question, the end goal is destroying chronoblivion. hopefully after we've saved pretty much every universe ever, we might be able to go home. right now, the being that brought us all here, the time trapper, he apparently stuck us to this universe with some kind of quantum whatsit and he might stop trying to keep us here when the threat's gone.

text

[dungenessmaster]

IT IS, AND THEY CAN CONTINUE TO PERFORM ENDLESS BACKFLIPS OFF THE HANDLE IF IT BOTHERS THEM THAT MUCH.

[But this is all useful info, dovetailing perfectly with what he was told after he woke up in that recovery hive. And metaphor he's down with.

Finally, some not terrible people.]

SOUNDS THRILLING.

YOU GUYS KNOW YOU ALREADY HAVE A TIME HERO ON YOUR SIDE, RIGHT?

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[headinjuries]

from all that screaming upthread i was at least expecting some 1337 or something
but yeah, u pretty much got it all up there.
stuffs stupid and then it gets stupider

text

[dungenessmaster]

YOU MEAN WITH THE NUMBERS? NO, BUT A COUPLE OF MY FRIENDS ARE ALMOST ILLEGIBLE SOMETIMES WITH THAT NONSENSE.

OKAY, SO EVERYTHING IS STUPID, THE BIG BAD AT THE END IS STUPID, WE'RE STUPID. GOT IT. BUT I STILL HAVE QUESTIONS.

FOR STARTERS, ARE THEY GODDAMN PULLING MY NUB WITH ALL THE SKINTIGHT SPANDEX? WHERE THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT PEOPLE TO STORE THEIR SHAME GLOBES IN A GETUP LIKE THAT?

video;

[fuckaccuracy]

You forgot the third option over there.

video;

[dungenessmaster]

Which is?

text

[notwithoutafight]

if youve already been through something like this before, why are you acting so shocked about it?

text

[dungenessmaster]

BECAUSE IT SUCKS A SLITHERBEAST'S ENGORGED VENOM SAC, AND ALSO WASN'T ONE TIME THROUGH THIS SHADE OF SHIT ENOUGH?