[text]

[dungenessmaster]

SO LET ME SEE IF I'VE GOT THIS RIGHT, BECAUSE AFTER AN INFODUMP LIKE THAT MY THINKPAN IS THREATENING TO SPLIT APART FROM THE SHEER FORCE OF HOW BULLSHIT THIS ALL IS.

MY FRIENDS AND I GET DRAGGED SCREAMING AND FLAILING INTO AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS-INDUCING BID TO LEAVE EVERYTHING WE'VE EVER KNOWN BEHIND IN THE HOPES OF MAKING SOMETHING BETTER, GET BLOCKED ON THAT AT EVERY TURN, DIE OR COME CLOSE TO IT A WHOLE FUCKING LOT, SPEND THREE EARTH YEARS ON THE SHITTIEST POSSIBLE ROUTE THROUGH PARADOX SPACE TO THE BIG FINAL SHOWDOWN, COME THROUGH THAT WITH OUR MORTAL HUSKS MORE OR LESS UNSCATHED, AND *NOW* YOU'RE TELLING ME I'VE BEEN SHOOSHED TO YET ANOTHER NONSENSE-INFESTED CORNER OF REALITY?

TO FIX THINGS?

IS THERE ANY END TO THIS OVERTORQUED CAROUSEL OF MADNESS, OR ARE WE ALL SUPPOSED TO HOLD ON UNTIL WE'RE FLUNG TO OUR DOOM OR COVERED IN OUR OWN VILE STOMACH CONTENTS??

((OOC: Karkat hasn't taken the oath yet. Also, anyone who doesn't want to deal with trolltext can opt out here or simply reply with voice/video. He'll match you!))

Comments

[turntex]

[Well. So they are.]

Yeah. I didn't know if anyone else was ever gonna show up, and it seemed shitty to just sit around leeching off the local hospitality while the rest of these assholes actually went out and helped people.

[His head turns just a little to suggest he's looking at Karkat, since the shades make that hard to tell as always.]

Did y'all have superheroes on Alternia? Or like, superhero stories? 'Cause those there a thing back home. I dunno, it just felt like hey, why not? I've got nothing better to do here, might as well pretend to be a goddamn superhero. Not like the universe was ever gonna let me just chill anyway.

[dungenessmaster]

It's not exactly the same, I mean you have to take into account that some of my friends have insane powers even without being smug cape-wearing douchebags.

And besides, human heroes are all about righting social wrongs and helping out weaker people. Troll hero stories are more about kill counts and planets conquered and bullshit like that.

[He still kind of thinks that's awesome -- being super powerful, amazing in a fight, respected by fellow soldiers.]

I didn't tell them yes yet, but let's face it, I'm going to. What the hell else am I supposed to do, sit around the space lounge with my prong up my ass waiting for everyone to come back from adventures?

[turntex]

You could if you wanted to.

[He wouldn't judge. Hell, part of him wishes he could ignore everything else and just stay out of it all, take a break from the fighting at least for a while. And he'd be pretty content knowing Karkat was safe back on this ship when shit went down. But he knows Karkat wouldn't be down for that any more than he can actually stay out of this mess himself, so he doesn't push the subject into a giant "sweet little housewife waiting at home for her husband to come back from the war" metaphor, as he's tempted to.

Instead, he pauses as a thought occurs to him, lips pursing, and he turns to poke at Karkat's cheek. With the hand not busy engaging in semi-accidental hand-holding, of course.]

Did you get actual superpowers here? I heard that's a thing that happens. I mean, I just got my normal timey shit severely nerfed, but we never actually found put what bloody stuff would do.

[dungenessmaster]

Well... yeah. Sort of.

[It's embarrassing, now that he's stuck admitting it. Why can't he ever just get something explosive and cool?]

[turntex]

[Even behind the shades, Dave's stare is so pointed and obvious. He waits a few moments before arching an eyebrow and poking Karkat again, the corner of his mouth twitching upwards.]

C'mon, spill the details. Don't leave me hanging like this.

[dungenessmaster]

Uuuugh, fine.

It's... it's about emotions. I can read feelings and shit off of people if I want to, I guess. And change their feelings if I decide the thing to do is be an extra-invasive douchebag. And I can move faster? I tried that one out coming over here, so it looks like this is a real thing that's happening to me.

[He folds his arms, still sort of grumpy about it. Of all the lame powers. At least Dave didn't get anything really cool either.

Still cooler than his powers, though.]

[turntex]

[He can tell Karkat is embarassed about this, and out of understanding and affection Dave decides to go easy on him.]

Holy shit, you got the full magical girl treatment. Gonna save the day with the power of love and feelings.

[Of course, that doesn't mean Dave won't give him shit. He'll just be a bit gentler about it, with a lightly teasing tone and a grin.]

[dungenessmaster]

[He'd very much like to stay grumpy about this, but it's hard to work himself into a good old-fashioned rage when Dave's not giving him much to rise up against. He knows him too well to cross any lines.

So Karkat just sulks still, arms folded, still leaning back against him.]

Yeah right! Like I'm going to embarrass myself out there by acting like the protagonist of a show for wigglers. I'll be out there literally striking fear into the hearts of whatever mouthbreathing pail stains are threatening all of paradox space this time around.

[turntex]

[He finally abandons the sorta-handholding to wrap both arms around Karkat's torso, squeezing him in a kind of backwards hug and pulling Karkat back up against himself so he can prop his chin on Karkat's head between those nubby horns.]

Hey, I think it's cool. You don't even have to fight baddies to win. You can probably just hit 'em with the feelingswhammy so they suddenly don't even wanna be doing bad guy shit anymore. Make 'em feel feel guilty or something and boom, they just turn themselves in.

man, I need davekat icons

[dungenessmaster]

[Karkat wriggles a little, settling into his usual comfortable spot as the little spoon.]

I guess? I could just wave my arms around like an asshole and act like they were actually scared of me, instead of me making them feel like that.

It's still kind of shitty, but at least it might look kinda cool.

i feel u

[turntex]

Okay, one, who cares how it looks? But two, and I know this kind of runs counter to my first point so shut up, are you telling me it wouldn't look cool as fuck to just walk out like no big deal and just fuckin' look at the guys and have them suddenly wimp out and give up? All the civilian bystanders watching on like wow who's that guy? He must be a badass given they pissed their pants and surrendered the moment he showed up. He is the coolest and I wanna have his weird alien hybrid babies.

[You can't see his face because of the spooning, but trust that he is making a dumb face to go along with the swooning fangirl voice.]

[dungenessmaster]

[Oh, he knows. You don't spend three years of your life seeing someone just about every day without learning learn their dumb quirks.

He can't help but feel sort of weirdly pleased. All the attention and validation he'd wanted so badly when he was younger, handed to him on a silver nutrition plateau. Even though he sort of felt differently about it now, there was a certain appeal in people thinking he was doing something badass.]

Well... okay. Maybe this logic-defying freefall into another sucking pit of disaster won't be a total loss. I mean, at least, if I had to be here with just one other person from home...

I'd want it to be you.

[turntex]

[CRITICAL HIT. IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE.

But no seriously, Dave kinda slumps back at that, arms still loosely held around Karkat while he drops his head back against the back of the couch to stare upwards at the ceiling. It kinda feels like he just tripped facefirst into the lava of LOHAC, and he's weirdly okay with that.]

Me too. With you, I mean. Obviously.

[He kinda feels like a dick saying it, like he's taking a huge shit over his best friends and his sister. But it's kinda nice to say it too, at least knowing Karkat was the only one who would hear it. Relieving, in a way, to actually say something so inherently emotional out loud without anxiety that he'd be mocked or even just given friendly ribbing over it.]

[dungenessmaster]

Obviously.

[Nah, no jokes or teasing here. Karkat's far too sincere for Strilonde-level snark, and even if he were, he's pretty good at knowing where the line is with Dave. Romance-wise, especially where this romance was concerned, he already knew there wasn't a lot of room for trolling.

Not yet, anyway.]

So, hey, I hear everyone who says the dumb oath and joins this blazing trash fire gets an alias. What sort of horrendous bullshit did you end up with?

[See? A change of subject. Your boyfriend cares, dude.]

[turntex]

[You're the best boyfriend possible and he appreciates you more than he can communicate. He settles for a light squeeze around karkat's shoulders before sitting up a little, all too eager to latch onto that subject change. Latgely because he is very proud of his superhero name:]

Justin Time.

[A pause, in which he realizes that the joke is probably not as obvious out loud to an alien not familiar with tradition human names.]

...See, "Justin" is a common whitebread human name. It's a pun.

[dungenessmaster]

Yes, Dave, I know Justin is a name.

[Six letters, after all.]

I just didn't know it was an Earth one, too.

[And then:]

Justin fucking Time? I mean, I can assume you're not just yanking my shame globes, it's too terrible not to be true, but what the fuck, Dave.

[turntex]

[His grin is so fucking wide right now.]

Hey, it was that or Clockblock.

[A beat.]

Y'know, 'cause we cause human male junk "cocks". Did y'all have a concept of cockblocking? Was bulgeblocking a thing?

[dungenessmaster]

I think by this point, I've gleaned every possible slang word and mental image about human male genitalia there is in existence thanks to your neverending diatribes and monologues and one-sided poetry slams. You're preoccupied with the subject the way I am with romance.

[Come on Karkat all you had to do was complain about the bad pun he didn't even use.]

I don't know if we ever came up with a crude word for it the way humans evidently rushed to do, but the concept's familiar enough.

[turntex]

[Mock-gasping, Dave lightly tugs on Karkat's head to tilt it back so they can make eye contact. Well, eye-to-shades contact.]

Are you saying I'm obsessed with dicks?

[He is SHOCKED. How crude! How scandalous! How...not entirely false, to be honest.]