[video]

[sickhacks]

Yo yo, check it!

[The vid opens up with a shot of what appears to be a young teen in a black full-ninja mask. Except he's wearing a red baseball cap. Backwards. And a gold chain around his neck.]

[Don't look nervous. Don't look nervous. He sketches a quick bow to the camera.]

My name's Dark Smoke Puncher, and it's a mad pleasure to make your acquaintance. Just got checked out by the docs a while ago and took the Legion oath, picked up my equipment, and I gotta say it's tight.

[He still can't believe this is real. And even with the revelation of the whole 'the universe is danger' thing, it's a welcome distraction from the damper on things back home. He'd be vibrating in his seat with excitement if he weren't trying to play it cool. These are superheroes he's talking to.]

[So instead, he crosses his arms in front of his chest and throws up a devil horn gesture, showing off his flight ring to the camera. It's placed over his glove, because of course it is. It's very shiny and gold against his outfit.]

From what I've heard, this Chronoblivion sucka's no joke. But I've got some nasty ninja skills of my own to bring to the table, and I'm - pretty good with robots too.

[He coughs.]

So yeah. See me around. Or don't. Because I'm a ninja.

Comments

video

[ordinarily]

Please tell me that's your codename.

[ And not your real name. ]

[sickhacks]

What? Oh! Yeah, that's my superhero codename. But it's also my name. Sorry for the mix-up, dawg.

[ordinarily]

It's also your name.

[ Oh my god. ]

Like, your parents call you that?

[sickhacks]

Yeah, of course dude. [Have a side glance like whaat?] Why wouldn't they?

[ordinarily]

... Because it's not a normal name?

[ Did Danny really have to explain this??? ]

[letsgohurtpeople]

[Dark Smoke Puncher is greeted by...another ninja. He definitely isn't human, judging from the blue skin visible around his eyes, two white horns, and orange glowing eyes, but otherwise, he's in a pretty generic ninja outfit.]

[Those eyes are narrowed because he is judging him. He is judging him so hard.]

Why do you look like you got chewed up and spat out by a kidz bop rap compilation?

[sickhacks]

[Another ninja? And it looks like he's around his age too! Oh #%$&#* Sean, play it cool. He looks so awesome. But glowing eyes, oh wow.]

[He clears his throat, not nervously.] That's not any way to greet a ninja brother, yo. And while I get your sick reference, that ain't me. I wouldn't get chewed up for anything, I'm mad tough gristle.

[letsgohurtpeople]

[Kyou facepalms and drags his hand down his face, though he doesn't do it hard enough to unmask himself.]

[His hand only has four fingers, instead of five.]

[What did he do to deserve this? Only one other ninja shows up and it's this clown. Kyou's just shy of being enough of a dick to say that out loud, but only just.]

What clan are you from? I'm from the Red Frog clan, descended from the Kōga clan.

[sickhacks]

[Sean's eyes tracks the motion of the hand down. Dude. So cool.]

I'm from the McNinja clan. Descended from... the McNinja clan.

[His gaze flicks back up, slightly wide-eyed. He probably sounded like an idiot, didn't he?]

But we've got a crazy long history.

[letsgohurtpeople]

A long history of what? Dressing up in costumes and playing pretend?

What kind of clan name is McNinja? That sounds Irish or Scottish.

Video

[gonebyebye]

Did you say something about a ghost wizard?

[The figure that comes on screen looks an awful lot like Dan Aykroyd in a khaki flight suit.]

[sickhacks]

You bet I did. It-

[Hold up.]

Woah, woah, hey, hold up, brother. Are you... [Sean grabs his omnicom and brings it closer to his face, squinting at his screen.] Are you Ray Stantz? Are you serious?

[gonebyebye]

Guilty as charged. Are you from a dimension where a version of me exists, or a dimension where I'm a fictional character?

[sickhacks]

Uh bro, should you be... saying that as casually as you are? You're not freaked?

[Is he not weirded out by the thought that he might be fictional? Dude.]

[gonebyebye]

Not really. I have a dimensional doorway in my basement, and tt's a big multiverse. Also, I'm pretty sure my friends and I caused those movies to happen in the first place when we stopped Gozer the first time.

Private

[actionishisreward]

Okay look, no offense, but one teenage nerd to another, I feel like I should say something here. I know you're probably trying to make yourself sound cooler, especially now that you're on a space station full of superheroes? But...talking like that actually makes you sound dorkier.

[sickhacks]

[Sean looks a little wide eyed at the message.]

Um. Bro, what? You're lucky I'm not taking some mad offence at that, if you're gonna be throwing them fighting words down at my feet. I don't sound dorky. Dorks are lame. And I ain't lame. You're lame.

[actionishisreward]

Come on, you just said you build robots. That takes, bare minimum, serious math, engineering, and programming skills. Depending on how complex they are? You start getting into physics and metallurgy too.

[sickhacks]

Look, geekazoid. I don't know anything about some lame math stuff nobody cares about. I only said I was good with robots. That could mean anything.

[His eyes flicker to the sides, and then he sighs. @#&#. His parents aren't even here anyway. He reaches out and taps away at the omnicom's keypad for a while in silence, just double checking that it's secure. Then he shoves it back onto the desk, re-centering the view.]

Okay, yeah you got me. I build robots. Happy?

[hallaifyouherd]

Another ninja?

This is turning into a very popular profession, isn't it?

[sickhacks]

[Sean answers blithely without looking at his screen properly.] Yo, I know right? There aren't really that many ninjas anymore in your homie's crib of the US of A, so this is actually pretty dope. I've never really met -

[Wait a freaking second.]

What are those? [He gestures a finger in a loop at his own ears, eyes a little wide.] Are you a real elf?

[hallaifyouherd]

That depends on who you ask. Apparently I'm real enough for some, but not others.

Personally, I think I'm very real. But I could be unfairly biased on the matter.

[earlgay]

[Gaelio finds himself quirking an eyebrow at the name and bizarre getup. Thankfully, his expression evens out by the time his video response begins, accompanied by the tone of casual interest.]

Robots, huh. What kind of work do you do?

[sickhacks]

[People taking a casual interest in his robotics? Oh man.]

Robots are dumb lame and a major chore for me, but I build some boring stuff like security and surveillance systems for our home. I usually disguise them as animals so they blend in with the local fauna, and they're armed with some wicked hidden deterrence so fools don't be sneaking up on us.

[earlgay]

[Listen to this. He's not convinced that the guy actually thinks robots are silly.]

If they're meant to serve as security, should you really be sharing those details? Well, I suppose it doesn't matter. You may call them boring, but they sound rather impressive.