World's Okayest Dad | Video

[lovernotafighter]

[Tucker looked...well, it was hard to tell because his helmet's on, but there was something annoyed in his movements. Behind him was a room that seemed mostly barren and militaristic aside from the tossed about mess, a room that might seem familiar to his Chorus friends really, and the camera shook a little as he plucked something off a wall. It was turned over in his hand before he pointed it at the camera. A photograph, one with five human kids holding basketballs, and one that's...a little different.]

Since someone brought it up and now we're talking about it, yeah, I've got a kid. His name is Junior and he's amazing and I'm super freakin' proud of him. He can kick anyone's ass in basketball, is a freaking diplomat and on a scholarship, he knows at least ten different words for "dick", and he hasn't bitten a person in at least three months. He got a ribbon at school for that one.

[He pulled the picture back and put it on the wall again; there was one in his wallet, too. He was, in some few and far between ways, like every other dad out there, just with better jokes.]

He's the best goddamn thing about being a Chosen One. [There was a momentary pause, because--]...Okay, so maybe he's tied with the sword.

Don't ask specifics. Just know that childbirth sucks, I don't want to talk about that, but I'll tell you how damn amazing my son is if you want to listen. And I know I'm not the only one with weird families, so come on and spill it.

Comments

[legionnpcs]

You bred?

[lovernotafighter]

Hey, don't sound so shocked. This sort of gift DNA always wants to make more. Evolution and shit.

[legionnpcs]

I'd ask for the returns desk.

[lovernotafighter]

Pleeease, this shit is worth some money. Grade A material right here. I bet we appraise real high on black market DNA shit.

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[nofortunateson]

Wow.

[North had been pretty sure he'd gotten the staring and blinking out of his system before he hit 'reply,' but his brain keeps hitting and bouncing off of the things that you probably shouldn't say or ask about someone's kid.

Turns out there are a lot of those, when someone's kid looks a lot like what you were trained to shoot at when you were barely grown yourself.]

So, uh. Does he go to a boarding school-?

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[lovernotafighter]

[He expected wows. He was used to them, preferred them over to Holy fuck what is that? Kill it! reaction he often got. But North asked a good question, a normal question, and shit, he'd take that any day.

You just earned some Tucker Respect, for whatever that's worth.]

Yeah! He's there on a basketball scholarship because who knew that being a war hero still didn't pay for shit? Plus, you know, it looks good for the school since he's a diplomat and all. I hear he's taught all the other kids the Sanghieli swear words, which is pretty much a Tucker trait.

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[nofortunateson]

Hah. Well, if I ever wanted some solid evidence the war really is over for you guys . . .

[Basketball team. Jesus. If that isn't a crushingly normal childhood detail right there.]

So he's got some friends at school, then?

[The whole conversation feels so profoundly surreal, but he's at least decent at forcing all kinds of conversations into approachable shapes.]

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[lovernotafighter]

[God, North, you're his new favorite person. You're asking all the right questions, taking it all the right ways, and it was all the shit he didn't get back home, really.]

Yeeeah. People were scared of him for awhile until he stopped a bully from picking on one of the smaller kids; now he's pretty popular. [And that? That was the first bite at school, but the kid had it coming and it wasn't even that bad. Like three stitches, max. So, he just got detention for two days once the story cleared, and his son? His son was a good. Protector of the weak.]

Besides, his dad's a pretty famous guy, so that' helps, and that Tucker charm always wins people over.

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[justice_from_above]

[She knew she heard the words coming out of Tucker's mouth when they were talking and she knew the kid wasn't entirely human but this is not exactly what she was expecting. She does, however, appreciate the passion he has for his kid (possibly even a little jealous), and smiles as she replies.]

Good job, Tucker. You sound like an amazing dad.

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[lovernotafighter]

[Considering their more recent conversations, Tucker couldn't help but take that as a high, high compliment. He smiled, and while it was impossible to see it, it showed in his body language, in his tone, in the way he laughed.]

Thanks. I mean, I'm pretty damn good. [Better than his own.] But he's a good kid, and when the teachers stop screaming because they're assigned to him, they know it, too. His grades are pretty damn impressive for a kid that prefers to talk primarily in honks.

[prettycoolguy]

[ The flat stare when the Chief sees this is one for the record books. ]

Things have gotten interesting since the war ended.

[ He's trying. He's trying so hard. ]

[lovernotafighter]

[Valiant effort, Chief. You get a gold star for that one.

And he'd take "interesting" in the same way he took "wow": it was still better than most reactions.]

Yeah, I know, I know. I, uh, didn't exactly go out looking for that to happen.

[prettycoolguy]

Does this happen?

[ He's trying to figure out if this is a widespread universal distance. Maybe he'll ask Wash about it. Do aliens on their side of the fence just do this to people?

His home universe, he's starting to understand, seems horrible by a lot of standards. But at least it mostly makes sense to him. ]

[lovernotafighter]

Well, pretty sure it does happen considering I now have an alien son.

[Really, Chief, get with the times.]

Look, he's a good kid, okay? Like, a really good kid. Don't jump to conclusions because of what he looks like and the shit you've been through; Junior deserves better than that.

[steelandtemper]

[The Chief is trying.

Cortana, on the other hand...]

What the hell is going on with the biology in your universe?

Private to Cortana

[unrecovered]

Sometimes it's better not to ask. Trust me.

private

[steelandtemper]

That's a Sangheili!

[thedreamisdead]

I don't know. Aliens impregnating humans, regardless of gender? Reminds me of the Incubus.

[steelandtemper]

That's a Sangheili! They're not interfertile with humans and no human, much less an anatomically male one, could carry a theoretical pregnancy to term! They're not even viviparous!

[This is it, this is what sends Cortana rampant.]

[lovernotafighter]

Incubus? Aren't those the sexy devil things that college chicks dress up as for Halloween and free drinks?

[That's a succubus, Tucker. And no. No.]

[lovernotafighter]

[You get an E for Effort, Cortana.]

Look, I said don't ask about that part! He's awesome, he's my kid, I've got a badass scar, and that's all the sciencey part of it.

[steelandtemper]

And they just let you enroll a Sangheili in prep school?!

[If Cortana goes down a list of everything wrong with Tucker's life, he's gonna die of old age before she hits the end.]

[crossfading]

Man! I'd sign him on to be the center on my team, any day.

[ No judgement, man. No judgement at all. Guy's proud of his kid, that's the most important thing. ]

[lovernotafighter]

[Fuck, you are just a happy person, man. And...that's all strangely sweet.]

He'd love it. Just, uh, don't laugh if he accidentally takes a bite out of the ball. Old instincts, blah blah.

[Alien instincts. Not Tuckers'.

....okay, maybe a little Tuckers', too.]

[crossfading]

That's why they keep spares around.

Little guy's enthusiastic, huh? I dig it.