World's Okayest Dad | Video

[lovernotafighter]

[Tucker looked...well, it was hard to tell because his helmet's on, but there was something annoyed in his movements. Behind him was a room that seemed mostly barren and militaristic aside from the tossed about mess, a room that might seem familiar to his Chorus friends really, and the camera shook a little as he plucked something off a wall. It was turned over in his hand before he pointed it at the camera. A photograph, one with five human kids holding basketballs, and one that's...a little different.]

Since someone brought it up and now we're talking about it, yeah, I've got a kid. His name is Junior and he's amazing and I'm super freakin' proud of him. He can kick anyone's ass in basketball, is a freaking diplomat and on a scholarship, he knows at least ten different words for "dick", and he hasn't bitten a person in at least three months. He got a ribbon at school for that one.

[He pulled the picture back and put it on the wall again; there was one in his wallet, too. He was, in some few and far between ways, like every other dad out there, just with better jokes.]

He's the best goddamn thing about being a Chosen One. [There was a momentary pause, because--]...Okay, so maybe he's tied with the sword.

Don't ask specifics. Just know that childbirth sucks, I don't want to talk about that, but I'll tell you how damn amazing my son is if you want to listen. And I know I'm not the only one with weird families, so come on and spill it.

Comments

[prettycoolguy]

Does this happen?

[ He's trying to figure out if this is a widespread universal distance. Maybe he'll ask Wash about it. Do aliens on their side of the fence just do this to people?

His home universe, he's starting to understand, seems horrible by a lot of standards. But at least it mostly makes sense to him. ]

[lovernotafighter]

Well, pretty sure it does happen considering I now have an alien son.

[Really, Chief, get with the times.]

Look, he's a good kid, okay? Like, a really good kid. Don't jump to conclusions because of what he looks like and the shit you've been through; Junior deserves better than that.

[prettycoolguy]

[ He's a little surprised by that response. He has to clarify the question. ]

I mean does this happen often.

[ As for jumping to conclusions, he's not even sure how to respond. If aliens work the way these people say they do, they're not ones he knows. Better to just leave that alone. ]

[lovernotafighter]

Ooooooh!

[There was a little shrug of his shoulders.] I haven't met anyone else in my boat and unless Locus has some illegitimate bullshit that he hasn't told me about, I don't think so. Fuck, now I want to ask him.

yeah he's been watching this whole thing

[agnominal]

No.

[prettycoolguy]

Good to know.

Stalker.

[lovernotafighter]

"No, I can't ask" or "No, there isn't a little Locus Junior running around out there with a sniper rifle in it's tiny alien hands"?

you knew what he was.

[agnominal]

"No, I did not reproduce."

run away

[lovernotafighter]

Um...

[There's a long pause, before-]

Did Felix?

[What? He had the sword for awhile!]

[agnominal]

No.

[lovernotafighter]

Thank fucking God. Alien and Felix? Felix raising anything?

...Who am I kidding? He would have killed it the second it was out.

[agnominal]

Entirely likely.

[lovernotafighter]

Yeah, let's just forget about that potential horror show, okay?

[agnominal]

Already forgotten.

The trials the sword had provided before I arrived her were...far less involved than giving birth to a hybrid.

[lovernotafighter]

[A hybrid. He almost corrected him, but let it go; this wasn't a semantics fight he wanted to get into with Locus, of all people.]

What did you have to do?

[What? He was curious on what he missed out on.]

[agnominal]

You don't know? You've had your sword far longer than I.

[ He didn't really look into what was entailed? Granted, that's not entirely a surprise, but still.

Really, Tucker? ]

[lovernotafighter]

...Well, been kinda busy since at least one of us had a kid. Wasn't exactly running off and finding shit to do because everything kept coming to me. Even the aliens in the desert didn't exactly give me maps or lists or anything.

[Sorry he was busy saving planets from you guys, Locus. And then being retired. So much retirement.

The fact of the matter was, he didn't know where to start. Or how to start. Or what starting looked like. Being a level one lovable rogue wasn't so bad, right?]

[agnominal]

Hm.

[ That's reasonable as answers go, actually. ]

There is a path to take, similar to the religious pilgrims on Earth. As you prove yourself worthy, more tools are made available to you.

[lovernotafighter]

[Kinda surprised a reasonable answer would come from him, huh?]

Fuck, sounds like work. Is it worth it? I mean, I already have a sword; how good can it get?

[agnominal]

I don't know.

I am not taking the journey for what tools it can provide.

[ Pause. ]

Though I will not refuse them. I am not in a position to.

[prettycoolguy]

For us, it doesn't.

[ Simple. Cortana can get into the hows and whys of this being impossible, and he's happy enough to leave her to it.

Plus, the longer he's in this discussion, the more likely it is that someone's going to ask him a personal question he doesn't want to deal with. ]

[lovernotafighter]

Trust me, I thought it wasn't a thing, either. I mean, who would? I'm a guy; getting pregnant shouldn't be possible!

[Sigh. It sure felt impossible; fuck, that hurt.]

But, fatherhood isn't as bad as I thought it would be, because I seriously thought it would be shitty. Having a legacy, though? That's pretty cool.

[prettycoolguy]

[ The Chief nods, just a little uncomfortably. A "legacy" isn't something he sits down and thinks about much. What's happening right now has always been more important. The future is vast and unpredictable, but he knows the mark he leaves on it won't have been in any way that personal.

But he supposes that doesn't matter, does it? ]

I think I understand.

[lovernotafighter]

[Maybe Chief did understand, maybe he didn't. Tucker wasn't one of those You Won't Know Unless You're A Dad people; folks were smart enough to figure shit out. He wasn't that different than anyone else, other than the Chosen One thing, but even that was really bullshit when Locus was carrying around a sword, too. Let's be real, here.

Being a dad didn't make him more important or different than anyone else. His kid was just cool. That's it. End of story.]

You want a kid?

[What? Totally reasonable question to ask.]

[prettycoolguy]

[ And here we are. The personal-questions-he-doesn't-want-to-deal-with train, right on schedule. ]

Too busy.

[ Not really an answer, but hopefully sufficient. ]