thelegion | [video]

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[Somebody's kid got hold of an omnicomm...or at least that's the logical assumption, until the small human girl in the video starts speaking.]

Hi, I'm Valeria Richards. Since everything's still a mess from the latest supervillain attack, I'm going to be picking up some of Mr. Brainy's [yes she absolutely just called him that] workload to help stuff get back to what passes for normal.

[Did she check with Brainy before announcing this? Well, unless he shows up to contradict her, can you prove she didn't?

Val recognizes that being betrayed, discovering you have a kid you never knew about, and then being assimilated by your evil borg queen great-grandchild is going to knock anyone for a loop and she really is trying to help. It's just that her social skills are questionable at best when the scenario isn't "lying to get out of trouble."]

I'm not entirely up to speed on this reality's physics yet, so don't ask me to alter any universal constants before next week sometime. [Unless she has the best poker face known to science, that does not appear to be a joke.] Anything else, no problem.

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...knowing how Brainy is, I'm guessing you didn't bother to inform him of that before you decided to announce this. Not to mention the fact that I don't think he'd allow a three-year-old to take over his work, even one as obviously intelligent as yourself.

He understands how boring [finger quotes] "age appropriate" activities are.

[For once in her life, Val genuinely isn't trying to pull something. She's just the absolute worst at asking permission. (Forgiveness is easier, especially when you're this cute.)]

[Highly intelligent, but still emotionally three. Ray could work with that.]

That may be, but permission is still important. How would you feel if someone was messing with your work without even bothering to ask you first?

If you need something to do that badly while you're waiting for Brainy to be available to ask permission from, I could use some help working on better ways to capture any potentially non-corporeal Heralds.

[Val rolls her eyes.]

I'm not touching his personal projects, jeez.

[What kind of monster do you think she is, Dr. Stanz.]

But if I'm in danger of falling behind when the stakes are this high? Yeah, I want someone on my team backing me up.

[She's emotionally closer to a middle schooler than her physical age, fortunately.]

[His first reaction is to sincerely hope that even the Legion realizes that there's a problem recruiting this young. Because he hasn't exactly spent a lot of time around human children, but there's no way this one is older than five.

[Then again, he's never heard a child say the words "universal constraints" before either, so maybe there's something more going on here. Certainly wouldn't be the first time.]

Does he know that?

[Seems like a pretty valid question in his mind. There's an certain drawn-out quality to his words - like he's not quite sure how to talk to her. Super-intelligent kids are a new one for him.

[Or super-intelligent people who just happen to look like kids, because he's not sure and in this place that's a genuine possibility.]

[She shows no reaction to Garrus's appearance, having already read the personnel files.]

Ugh. It is impossible to do you people a favor.

[It's not an answer, but Val might respond with that much exasperation even if she had asked.]

[He blinks.

[Rude, and that did absolutely nothing to answer any of his questions. But, at least she didn't freak out on him like the last new arrival he talked to.]

I'm sure he's grateful for a hand, but from my limited exposure to the guy he's pretty hands on. You understand.

[He's trying to sound completely on-the-level, but he can't quite manage it all the way considering he's talking to a child, and he's never exactly been the best at subtlety.]

[Val's perceptive enough to read a turian on thirty seconds' acquaintance, especially since Garrus's voice is plenty expressive.]

Don't humor me, Mr. Vakarian. I missed my nap today.

[She's a kid on the edge.]

[...

[How did his life get to this point? Really?

[He just sighs, lets his shoulders sag, shakes his head, and looks back into the camera.]

Honestly, I'm ready to deal with just about anything at this point. Whatever your story is, just give it to me straight.

My story? The same as everyone else's. I had the intelligence before I arrived, so I'm fully capable of managing multiple cognitive tracks and all that advanced neural processing stuff, and I was already an expert in mathematics, engineering, and the hard sciences.

[It sounds more like reeling off a lunch order at the drive-through than bragging.

Val shrugs.]

My whole family is supers so it's not like this is a change of pace. I don't like to sit idle, and we can't afford it, anyway.

[Oh yeah, the thing that always comes up.]

And yes, I'm three. Yes, I'm human. Yes, my intellectual development is extremely unusual for a three-year-old human. It's hereditary.

Alright. [He says flatly.] I can work with that.

[Is it still weird to him? Yes. But he's been backhanded by something claiming to be the Wrath of God in the past week. Once he's reminded himself of that fact, he's ready to just take this in stride.]

[Deadpan:] So glad to hear it.

[Don't get in her way, buddy.]

[At the moment, Vance is caught about half way between, "She's not actually a Legionnaire, right?" and "The Time Trapper pulled in Valeria Richards, we're in worse shape than I thought".]

[Well. It's not Franklin. They don't need a reality warper yet, then.]

[He runs a hand over his face before turning on his omnicomm, leaning back a bit.]

Hi, Valeria. I'd say it's good to see you, but given everything, I'll just say I wish your mom was here, too. And your Uncle Ben.

[Look, Vance likes Sue. He'd definitely been to the Baxter Building enough over the years that he's a fan of her cooking -- thanks, Nita -- and generally a fan of her. But Ben is still Vance's friend in the Fantastic Four.]

Hi, Mr. Vance. I'm sure Uncle Ben would've asked me to say hi if he'd known I was gonna be seeing you.

[She really is a pretty nice kid if it's not something she can be intellectually condescending about.]

I got some of Mom's powers. I'm not sure if it was something I would have developed down the line anyway or not.

[Apparently she just didn't think that was important enough to mention before now.]

['Mr. Vance' is still a lot nicer than 'Mr. Astrovik', honestly. He'll probably never get used to being called that, so he's definitely not going to correct her.]

I'm sure he would have, too. I'll have to make some time to drop by the Baxter Building to see him next time I'm in New York.

[As long as they haven't dropped the mountain in the middle of the harbor again.]

It's an interesting question. A lot of people have ended up here with powers they didn't have back in their own universes, or some powers being...throttled, so to speak. Which of your mom's powers do you have?

The force fields.

[She levitates her juice box to her hand by way of illustration. It looks like TK, since the fields are perfectly invisible.]

I'm probably not as good as she is, but it's not like there's a Kree armada or a Celestial around to test that on.

[He knows enough to know the difference. Mostly because he's never met a teke who could keep their powers completely invisible.]

No offense, but I'd kinda like to keep it that way. Not that I don't think you could handle it, but I think we've all had enough of potentially world-ending problems for at least a week.

I already have a plan for Kree, anyway. They're a conventional military with generally unimaginative tactics. Not trivial, but not exactly a challenge, especially with a galactic-scale civilization to stage from.

Celestials are harder.

[This is the kind of thing she falls asleep thinking about. You could blame Doom's influence if her father weren't the exact same way, just quieter about it.]

[ Robbie has seen enough of the other responses to know that it's that little blonde Richards - namely, Vance's responses.

It does not stop him from internally freaking out that this whole "The Time Trapper takes young teens" thing is now on steroids. She's, like, 4. ]

Heya Valeria. Did you get sucked up with your mom or Uncle Johnny?

Nope, just me.

[Which doesn't seem to bother her too much.]

Of course, given the degree of temporal instability involved, that's not a particularly meaningful observation.

Hi, Mr. Robbie.

Hi.

[ He can't help scrunching his nose a little at the 'Mr. Robbie'. It's not entirely out of displeasure. Sure, it makes him sound old as dirt, but she's a shrimp. It's kind of cute. ]

That's... almost like English. Well done. [ Better than trying to understand her dad, anyway, and he's not going to ask why or how. He's less concerned with temporal physics and more with where are your parents.] Uh - two questions. Did they let you join the Legion, and what are they doing for you for a home?

["Mr./Ms. Firstname" is her compromise for adults she doesn't think fully qualify as senior to her. Cute, but also kind of an insult.]

No, I'm "too young."

[As disgusted as only a small child can be. What even is the point of having no parents if you can't do fun things?]

And I think I'm getting quarters. I didn't ask. It's not like I have any of my stuff here.

[Shrug. If falling asleep in the lab is good enough for Dad, it's good enough for her.]

[ That is a 100% fair assessment, although Robbie would beg to differ. He can physically put her on top of a fridge, ergo there is seniority. ]

You... might be a little short for the transuits.

[ It's amused, but he's not making fun of her. Robbie's got that dopey sort of 'awww talking to the precocious child' smile that adults get when they have no idea what precocious kids are capable of. At least he's not baby voicing her - she's articulate and Reed Richards' kid. ]

Your own quarters? [ That seems like a bad idea, vastly intelligent or not. ] Well... we can get you some new stuff, for now. We all get stipends. What're you missing?

Trivial problem. I think they're just worried about their PR.

[Because it couldn't possibly be wanting to protect the small child who thinks she's immortal.]

Uh...everything?

[Robbie she fell through a hole in spacetime onto a hell planet.]

Hey, PR's important, and they have a really bad turnover rate in the department.

[ It's definitely about protecting her, but if he couldn't tell his fifteen-year-old self that and expect it to be taken seriously, he can't tell her. ]

Yeah, I know everything. I just don't know what everything means so I can't decide what stores you need to get taken to. Clothes and toys and a step stool are obvious. Other things... not so much.

[ DO YOU NEED DIAPERS Y/N ]

Oh, I don't need a step-stool. I have Mom's powers now.

[BE VERY AFRAID.]

[ HE IS FUCKING TERRIFIED ]

... the invisibility or the force fields?

Force fields.

[She's judging him, because how would invisibility eliminate the need for a step-stool?]

[ She could have had both! Also, force fields shouldn't eliminate the need for step stools either, Marvel, and he wouldn't put it past her to figure out a way to use the invisibility to eliminate the need for a step stool.

He feels weirdly judged though, and withers in opposition to someone too young to really tease. ]

... come on, I put in a requisition for transport to Earth. I'll take you to the mall if you promise not to hide in the clothing racks or leave with a stranger.

Delivery is more efficient.

[She holds up a datapad with Space Amazon loaded. It seems to be the search results for some variant of "pink teddy bear."]

[ Of course it is. ]

Delivery doesn't let you touch stuff before you buy it. What if Teddy has scratchy fur or smells funny?

Hi Valeria. I'm the Easter Bunny. Good onya for helping out.

[If she's smart enough to believe she can be of help to Brainy, then what the heck, she probably is. One glance in the lab told Bunny everything Brainy was up to - even the branches of science he's familiar with - are way above his head, but that doesn't mean it's above a precocious enough child's head.]

[She raises one eyebrow.]

The Easter Bunny.

[It's not skepticism, not exactly. More like she doesn't know why he thinks she'd care.]

[Two can play at this game of eyebrows.] Did I stutter?

[Sigh.]

Is there something I can help you with?

[She did offer, after all.]

Just one thing. How old are ya?

[In the meantime, her too-cool-for-this demeanor isn't lost on him. One might think this sort of dismissal would cut him in some way.

But kids moving on from him is nothing new. It's not even anything tragic to him. Kids growing up is a fact of reality. His power may be bound up in their Believing, but not here. And one child's lost belief isn't inherently tragic or hurtful. It's not his business to convince her of anything.

It IS his business to make sure she's not left out when the rest of the space station's kids get his Sunday rounds of candy, though. Disbelievers don't get left out.]

Other'n that, nothing. But I'll keep you in mind if I need a genius.

Edited 2017-09-11 03:44 (UTC)

I'm three.

[Despite her parents' best efforts, Val never really got more than a few months of childhood. Circumstance and her own exploding intelligence conspired to remove anything that could be called innocence early on.]

Right. Got it.

[Three is so young for that level of assumed responsibility and his figurative hackles have officially been raised over this child and her small amount of implied backstory. She might get more than three Sundays of Easter gifts because of it.]

You know how to reach me if you've ever got a candy emergency.

[Or any other emergency, but she doesn't have to be at that level of trust with a stranger, even if the stranger is him.]

[Okay, "candy emergency" is pretty funny, and Val loosens up slightly.]

There's never enough candy.

[Not strictly true, but she's not cutting off a potential candy supplier.]

[He chuckles a bit over that.] The Tooth Fairy'd have my guts for garters if I agreed with ya, so -

Just don't tell her I did.

I'm not going to be losing teeth for several years, so there's no reason to involve any other tutelary spirits.

[Val.

But yeah she absolutely believes in magic, so why not weird holiday mascots? Sure.]

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