thelegion | (no subject)

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[This isn't the first time there's been a video post on Legion's network made by a rabbit, but it is the first time the rabbit making it is six feet tall, with an accent thick enough to cut with a knoife.]

G'day, mates. I'm the Easter Bunny.

[This would be the place to insert a punchline, if this were a joke. Bunny does not insert one. Actually, by his smug smile, he seems pretty proud of the title.]

I'm gonna need to get down to Earth sooner rather than later. Gettin' dragged out here did away with most've my powers, and I need to get down to a real bush to figure out what I've still got. Who's headed planetside when?

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I expected someone fluffier.

[Oh well.]

Don't act like a tourist, don't cause trouble.

[Basically, don't embarrass her.]

[He snorts with disbelief.]

What were you expecting, an angora?

[Why, even? He's plenty fluffy. Any more fluff and it'd just be a hassle to keep clean.]

I cover the whole planet once a year. I haven't been a tourist anywhere on Earth in centuries. Exactly what are people saying about me that makes you think I'd cause trouble?

[Did some of the tales of his misspent youth make it this far into the future? Those were supposed to be laid to rest. Maybe Anansi's still alive in this time for him to have words with.]

No, but I don't think I was expecting tall and lanky.

[More something small and puntable. This one looked like if a coyote came at him, someone would be having canine for dinner.]

Nothing. I just hear your name brought up a lot whenever discussion brushes against Santa Claus. [Generally in a 'Oh God, I don't want to think about it' context.] If you're good, then I won't have a problem with sticking around while you get a handle on your powers.

I never can understand how mortals can think about a rabbit able to cover the whole planet in one day and not come up with lanky. D'you realize how fast I need to be able to run?

[How fast he can't run anymore, frustratingly enough. He chuckles at the mention of North, though.]

I'm guessing y'don't have much of an accurate picture of him, either.

[Of course they know each other. Of course.]

Thanks heaps, Sheila. It's a bodgy job this Time Trapper did with my powers, but there's no sense complaining about it until I find out just how bodgy.

If I needed to cover the planet in a day, I'd look into teleportation or robots.

[Work smarter, not harder.]

I could pull up his mug shots if I wanted to know what he really looked like. Never saw the need, though.

[Note to self: The new member associates with known criminals.]

Judge Beeny. [Not Sheila. Then again, Ozzies weren't exactly right in the head. Maybe she should cut a little slack.] I'm guessing you got tuned down about as much as most of us got tuned up.

Never had much of a head for machinery m'self.

[IT'S GOT NO SOUL DARNIT.

The thought of North's mugshots makes Bunny snort. He wouldn't even argue against America if he knew she were thinking of him as associating with known criminals. North is entirely a known criminal. He's a known criminal. And that's without even getting into the trespassing, the vigilantism, or the hooking kids on caffeinated, sugary cacao derivatives.

This is certain to be a far more fun field trip than he knows.]

You'd be right about that. Judge, ah? High up in the world, ain'tcha?

[It's not quite patronizing, the way he says it. His instinct is honestly to be happy for her. That's a lot of responsibility and a hard job . . . though he doesn't know even the half of it.]

[She shrugs at the camera. Guess a rabbit wouldn't be. She doesn't comment on the snort.

Fortunately, she's pretty good at reading tone. Even in an Oz accent.]

Fairly high up.

[No need to mention the Council of Five. It won't mean much to someone unfamiliar with her world, and she's not sure what governments he's used to to compare her position.]

Of course, that doesn't mean much to people here.

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