AUDIO: Whoops.

[kingtyrantranger]

[Whoops. That'd been a thing for a while.

His voice snaps onto the omnicomm, filled with good humor. Jason's still not comfortable with the omnicomm's video function, especially since he's still having to dot his face with anti-fungal cream.]

I'm gonna start this off with a warning. Doublecheck to be sure that the mail you're opening is actually yours. I had to figure that out when I accidentally picked up something meant for Brainiac 5. The good news is that I'm now out of quarantine and the med techs are pretty sure I'm not going to grow any more mushrooms.

Thanks, guys. I don't know if I can look at a pizza the same way again, though.

[He'd spent most of the past few weeks trying to learn the Interlac alphabet on his own, without the earpieces translating for him. Might keep those mix-ups from happening again.

His voice takes on a wry tone, almost apologetic.]

So it sounds like I missed some action and a few new romances. Sorry about that, gang. For the new guys I missed, hey. I'm Jason, from Angel Grove, California, and I don't really do anything exciting. Nice to meet you all.

Comments

[kingtyrantranger]

What, like Prince or Dio?

[You're no Prince, Parker.]

How am I the one making it weird?

[leverageintceo]

Sure, why not?

[Parker has no idea who he's talking about, but presumably they're also people who use only one name.]

Well, I'm not making it weird. Why are you calling me 'Ms. Parker'?

[kingtyrantranger]

Be...cause you're an adult?

[A scary adult?]

[leverageintceo]

...Huh.

[Silence, as Parker considers this answer for a moment.]

Okay, if it's really important to you to call me 'Ms. Parker', you can, even though it's weird.

[kingtyrantranger]

...Did your parents never tell you to call people that?

[Oh man, don't tell him she's an orphan or something. He'd probably feel way too guilty.]

[leverageintceo]

My...well, the closest thing I have to a father told me to use "sir" and "ma'am", and not to stick around long enough to trade names. My foster parents told me a lot of stuff, but none of it actually useful.

[...Sorry Jason.]

[kingtyrantranger]

[The guilt. Augh.]

Uh.

[He is really not sure how to respond to that. Should he apologize? Would she care? Maybe a subject change?]

Um.

[Fantastic subject change, there.]

[leverageintceo]

You don't have to feel bad about it. I built myself a new family later.

[She sounds completely sincere about that, at least.]

[kingtyrantranger]

[Feel bad? Jason is a teenager! With attitude!

Unfortunately, that attitude is 'huge sap', so.]

Well, that's good. Sounds like a happy ending overall.

...Except for the guy whose office you burned down.

[leverageintceo]

I didn't burn down his office. He burned down his company's vault. I just stole a potato.

For justice.

[kingtyrantranger]

Justice needs its starch, I guess.

[leverageintceo]

...Now I want french fries. Do you want french fries? I can bring you french fries.

[kingtyrantranger]

I haven't had french fries since I got here. Space fries must be awesome. I'd totally be happy to split some fries with you.

[leverageintceo]

Cool. Are you in the medbay still?

[kingtyrantranger]

Yeah.

[Aw, man. That's going to take the wind out of his sails a bit.]

I hope they don't have to decontaminate it before I get to them.

[leverageintceo]

It'll be fine, I can come through the ventilation shaft.

[Doors? Proper protocol? Pffft. There are fries to be shared!]

[kingtyrantranger]

That seems like an awful lot of work just to deliver some fries!

[leverageintceo]

Not really. I spend a lot of time in the ventilation shafts anyway.

[kingtyrantranger]

I tried crawling in ventilation shafts, once. They're a lot smaller than in the movies.

[leverageintceo]

Some are more spacious than others. Depends on the structure and where the shafts in question are supposed to go, really.

What's annoying is when people put laser tripwires in there. You'd think that they'd have rats or birds setting them off all the time...

[kingtyrantranger]

Maybe they have grates and stuff to keep nosy things out of places they don't belong?

[leverageintceo]

Rats and birds are surprisingly enterprising. There's a reason I've only encountered that problem once.

[kingtyrantranger]

You probably had some mirrors to take care of that, though, right?

[He's no crook, but he's seen enough spy movies to know that you could always handle a laser tripwire trap with a few mirrors to redirect everything.]

[leverageintceo]

Not that time. I wasn't expecting lasers in the ventilation shaft, and it's generally a good idea to limit the amount of stuff you're carrying to what you know you'll need rather than what you might need.

I once used tinfoil to foil -- ha! -- a laser protection grid, though. Stole an eight million dollar statue with the stuff we found on the buffet table. Felt pretty good.

[kingtyrantranger]

[He's going to be a criminal by the time this conversation is over. He just knows it. Time to shift back to something that involves less learning about how being an international superthief works and more along the lines of comfort food.]

Either way, it's probably best just to let them pass the fries through the quarantine. I'd feel guilty if you popped in, then started sprouting mushrooms. It's no fun.