AUDIO: Whoops.

[kingtyrantranger]

[Whoops. That'd been a thing for a while.

His voice snaps onto the omnicomm, filled with good humor. Jason's still not comfortable with the omnicomm's video function, especially since he's still having to dot his face with anti-fungal cream.]

I'm gonna start this off with a warning. Doublecheck to be sure that the mail you're opening is actually yours. I had to figure that out when I accidentally picked up something meant for Brainiac 5. The good news is that I'm now out of quarantine and the med techs are pretty sure I'm not going to grow any more mushrooms.

Thanks, guys. I don't know if I can look at a pizza the same way again, though.

[He'd spent most of the past few weeks trying to learn the Interlac alphabet on his own, without the earpieces translating for him. Might keep those mix-ups from happening again.

His voice takes on a wry tone, almost apologetic.]

So it sounds like I missed some action and a few new romances. Sorry about that, gang. For the new guys I missed, hey. I'm Jason, from Angel Grove, California, and I don't really do anything exciting. Nice to meet you all.

Comments

[leverageintceo]

I guess that makes sense. Mushrooms that grow on people are probably not good for eating anyway. It might technically be cannibalism.

Okay, I'll bring you the fries through quarantine instead of the ventilation shafts.

[kingtyrantranger]

Either way, I'm not sure I want parts of me going into people's mouths. Besides, what if the mushrooms tried to grow inside of you?

[Talk about gross.]

Sorry to be such a pain about that.

[leverageintceo]

Well, I wouldn't eat mushrooms that grew on a person raw. Obviously.

Meh. It's not that fun to sneak by the medical staff here anyway. I've done it before.

[kingtyrantranger]

This is one point where cooking it might not make things better!

[Don't ask, don't ask, don't ask...]

...Was some guy holding a potato with a cure for the common cold hostage or something?

[leverageintceo]

Bringing us back around to cannibalism. Which is probably even more frowned upon in this day and age, considering that this is the vegan spacefuture. I wonder if there are plant aliens?

[Parker looks confused and shakes her head.]

It was only the one potato. I've stolen more mountains than potatoes.

And I sneaked out of the medical facilities when I got here. I thought it was some weird sting operation, so I smiled and nodded and pretended everything was fine and ran off into the ventilation system the first opportunity I had.

[kingtyrantranger]

The Coluans aren't plant people? I always thought that since, y'know... Green and all.

[Made sense to him. Oh well.]

How do you even steal a mountain? A pebble at a time?

Funny how often smiling and nodding works to get you out of trouble. It's like people expect things to be fine when everyone's friendly.

[leverageintceo]

I'm pretty sure Coluans meat-based, but I can ask Brainy.

[Parker shrugs.]

The first time, we were technically stealing a mountain resort so we could steal a company that was stealing houses from people. The second time, we were actually trying to find a dead man who'd gone missing on the mountain the year before.

[Parker frowns more heavily and swallows hard.]

He -- Mr. Free -- his boss murdered him by cutting his climbing rope and leaving him to die. He left a message on his phone for his wife and we managed to get it back to her, even if we couldn't bring him back, too.