just a simple question | voice

[ordinarily]

Where are the burgers?

[ This is the voice of a very distressed teenager. Very distressed. ]

I get that it's the space future, but the nurse was lying when she said they don't serve meat. Right?

[ Silence. ]

... Right?

Comments

[walkingballpit]

Sorry bro. At least no one's messing with peanut butter because ungrown plants are people too.

[ordinarily]

Yeah, I guess that's true...

[ Or is it, Danny? ]

... Wait, you're not messing with me, are you?

[unrecovered]

He started messing with you the moment he brought up fish sticks.

[ordinarily]

Oh. Yeah. Good. Wonderful.

Look, just... where are the burgers? I'll go down to Earth for some fast food if I have to. There's no way humans stopped being lazy enough for fast food to disappear.

[unrecovered]

You can get a burger from the mess hall - it'll just be vegan.

I wasn't kidding when I said America was pretty much the only way to get real meat around here.

[ordinarily]

You know what? Fine. Vegan burger. Whatever.

I'm just gonna drown it in ketchup and cheese then.

[unrecovered]

...skip the cheese.

[ordinarily]

OH COME ON REALLY???

[unrecovered]

Vegan spacefuture means everything's vegan. The meat is passable. The cheese is not.

[ordinarily]

I now know how Tucker feels.

[unrecovered]

[Wash needs a moment to abruptly shift gears here. Different dimension, different Tucker. Right.]

You get used to it.

I mean, hearing that doesn't help you now, but you do.

[ordinarily]

Doesn't mean I have to like it.

[unrecovered]

[Wash just shrugs. Look, he's got nothing for that one.]

[walkingballpit]

Have you had the fish sticks? They're breaded alien toe fungus.

Everyone knows fish products get battered.

[walkingballpit]

I'm not sure. Every time I think I've added enough hyperbole for a joke to clear any reality hurdles, it winds up being true.

[ordinarily]

... You know, I was really excited about waking up in the space future.

Not so much anymore.

[walkingballpit]

Space future is awesome. Don't let one thing bring you down. It's just food.

You can fly through an asteroid belt. It's a trade I'd do any day.

[ordinarily]

... Okay that's a good point.

Space is pretty awesome.