just a simple question | voice

[ordinarily]

Where are the burgers?

[ This is the voice of a very distressed teenager. Very distressed. ]

I get that it's the space future, but the nurse was lying when she said they don't serve meat. Right?

[ Silence. ]

... Right?

Comments

[resist_the_future]

I would like that question answered as well.

[walkingballpit]

Funny story. As far as they're concerned here, they serve burgers. Hot dogs. Pepperoni pizza.

What they don't serve is meat and any animal products at all - so yeah, it's fake cheese as well because curdled moo juice is a no go.

[whyarewehere]

We're pretty much in a very shiny hell.

[unrecovered]

She wasn't lying. Welcome to the vegan spacefuture.

[And then, because he can't just leave it there:]

For what it's worth, America has meat vision - she can literally make meat appear, and she's the only one here who can. She's also a cop from a post-apocalyptic hell dimension and tends to think just about everything is illegal, so approach with caution.

[ordinarily]

I'm glad we're on the same page.

[ordinarily]

[ Oh god it's Sam's paradise and Tucker's personal hell. ]

... You're joking right now, right?

[ordinarily]

Yeah, I'm getting that impression.

[ordinarily]

... Okay, a few things.

One: Who hates their kid enough to call them America?

Two: Meatvision?

Three: ... Actually, no, it's just those two.

[unrecovered]

One, it's not the weirdest name I've ever heard; two, yep; and three, it says something that 'post-apocalyptic hell dimension' is the one thing you don't question.

[ordinarily]

[ Honestly, not even the meat vision was that shocking to him, thanks to the Lunch Lady Ghost. It was more just... why would the Time Trapper consciously give someone meat vision? ]

I'm from Amity Park, dude. I have a hell dimension in my basement.

[walkingballpit]

Be glad I'm not telling you where the fish sticks come from. You'd never be able to wear socks again.

[ordinarily]

... Everything about that sentence freaks me out.

[thedreamisdead]

My father named me in memory of my mother.

My mother was named because her parents were immigrants who loved the American dream.

But if you wanted to stick to soy products, all you had to do was ask.

[ordinarily]

[ Oh. Good. Now he feels like shit. ]

I'll uh... I'll just shut up now.

[walkingballpit]

Perfect! You'll be too terrified to ask anyone about the ingredients, and your feet will be warm so you won't catch space germs.

The more you know. Or the less you know. I don't recommend thinking about America's meatvision and the conservation of mass.

[walkingballpit]

Damn, Meatron Mama Morton, you don't have to jump all over the new kid. He probably didn't mean any harm. I make fun of Rich Rider's name on a weekly basis.

[ordinarily]

Yeah uh. You might be too late on that second one.

[unrecovered]

You got the briefing about this being a different dimension, right? "I'm from Amity Park" doesn't actually mean anything to me.

[He definitely files the Basement Hell Dimension bit away for later, though.]

[walkingballpit]

Sorry bro. At least no one's messing with peanut butter because ungrown plants are people too.

[ordinarily]

Oh. Right. Forgot that part.

Basically my hometown's haunted, it happens frequently enough that we've been on TV for it, and my parents have a portal to the Ghost Zone in the basement.

[thedreamisdead]

Future food's good for the body.

[unrecovered]

Like I said: approach with caution.

[And then, because the new guy is a teenager and Wash isn't completely heartless:]

An apology probably wouldn't hurt, either.

[ordinarily]

Yeah, I guess that's true...

[ Or is it, Danny? ]

... Wait, you're not messing with me, are you?

[unrecovered]

And comfort food's good for the soul.

[unrecovered]

He started messing with you the moment he brought up fish sticks.