just a simple question | voice

[ordinarily]

Where are the burgers?

[ This is the voice of a very distressed teenager. Very distressed. ]

I get that it's the space future, but the nurse was lying when she said they don't serve meat. Right?

[ Silence. ]

... Right?

Comments

[unrecovered]

One, it's not the weirdest name I've ever heard; two, yep; and three, it says something that 'post-apocalyptic hell dimension' is the one thing you don't question.

[ordinarily]

[ Honestly, not even the meat vision was that shocking to him, thanks to the Lunch Lady Ghost. It was more just... why would the Time Trapper consciously give someone meat vision? ]

I'm from Amity Park, dude. I have a hell dimension in my basement.

[unrecovered]

You got the briefing about this being a different dimension, right? "I'm from Amity Park" doesn't actually mean anything to me.

[He definitely files the Basement Hell Dimension bit away for later, though.]

[ordinarily]

Oh. Right. Forgot that part.

Basically my hometown's haunted, it happens frequently enough that we've been on TV for it, and my parents have a portal to the Ghost Zone in the basement.

[unrecovered]

[He has to bite back there's no such thing as ghosts, because evidently there are ghosts that aren't just traumatized AI in this kid's reality. What the fuck.]

...the Ghost Zone.

[ordinarily]

Yeah, it sounds weird at first, but apparently the ghosts call it the Ghost Zone too, so.

Figured they'd call it the Ghost World, or the Spirit Realm, or something. But nope, Ghost Zone.

Who knew this was the one thing my dad was right about?

[unrecovered]

[There's about five different things to take away from this, and Wash is pretty sure he's not going to get any of them without a complete picture.]

[So.]

For context: where I come from, there's no such thing as ghosts. So can you start from the beginning?

[ordinarily]

[ He sighs, because he doesn't really like explaining his parents. But he's... also not back home, where everyone would hate him just because his parents are nuts (who turned out to be right), so... ]

My parents are paranormal researchers. Ghost hunters, basically. They have a lab in the basement with all their ghost-hunting equipment, and one of the things down there is the Ghost Portal.

For a while, everyone thought they were just crazy. I thought they were crzy. Then the portal worked, and ghosts started coming out.

[ Nevermind the fact that it took Danny getting electrocuted to turn the damn thing on. ]

[unrecovered]

[That makes sense, for a weird B horror movie definition of "sense."]

[Then again, Sarge is evidently some kind of Frankenstein-style surgical mastermind, and Caboose exists. Wash isn't exactly in a position to throw stones.]

Was the town haunted before the portal started working?

[ordinarily]

Nope.

But it's not the only portal anymore, so.

[unrecovered]

[What the fuck is this kid's life]

Because the ghosts made one, because your parents made another, or because someone else decided to copycat?

[ordinarily]

You know, it was very hard for me to not just say "yes" this time, but my parents only ever made the one portal.

[ Which means it's the other two. ]

[unrecovered]

Well, your life sounds fun.

You should exchange war stories with Ghostbuster. I'm sure he'll be fascinated.

[ordinarily]

... With a codename like that, he'd kind of have to be.

[unrecovered]

Speaking of names, I don't think you ever said yours.

[ordinarily]

... Right.

[ Danny's so on the fence about his name choice. Granted, it's better than Inviso-Bill, because everything is. But it was also just the first thing that popped into his mind, and it... reminded him of every villain he ever fought. ]

Ghost Boy. You can probably guess what kind of powers I got.

[unrecovered]

[Oh God. Oh hell. He hasn't run into one that bad since Yuri's chosen code name, and he knows for a fact that Mr. Ice Guy is completely Dave's fault. This...hoo boy.]

I meant your actual name, but okay...

Also, the Time Trapper's kind of a jerk when it comes to powers, so I can't say I'm surprised.

[ordinarily]

Oh, my name's Danny. Sorry, I was thinking about codenames, so...

[unrecovered]

I'm Wash, codename Freelancer.

[...there's no good way to do this. There's just. No good way to do this, and goddammit that's not going to stop Wash from trying.]

Is Ghost Boy set in stone, or is that a placeholder?

[gonebyebye]

Oh, I definitely am. Ghostbuster here, but my real name is Dr. Ray Stantz

[ordinarily]

[ The "Doctor" part caught Danny's attention. ]

... Wait, hang on.

Are you a paranormal researcher?

Not ghost hunter, specifically paranormal researcher.

[gonebyebye]

Mostly the latter, although there's been a lot of the former. The perils of running an ectoplasmic containment business that occasionally dukes it out with gods.

Hunter is something of a misnomer, though. It sort of implies I try to catch every ghost I come across.

[ordinarily]

[ Danny has mixed feelings about this. Mostly because Danny doesn't know if Ray is like his parents, or like the GiW. ]

... I feel like you'd have a field day in my home town.

[captainbuzzkill]

They're paranormal researchers?

[Someone's attention is piqued. The teenage boy that chimes in looks a little over-excited by the prospect of someone else involved in the paranormal.]

They have a portal to the afterlife? Is it just the afterlife or is it a dimensional portal that can access more than one alternate dimension? Because if it's the first one that's probably fine, but accessing multiple dimensions is pretty risky. As in, apocalyptically risky?

But just a ghost portal is probably fine --

[His eyes go a little wide.]

Unless the dead get jealous of the living and try to take vengeance on all of mankind, but in that case there are usually ways to stop them. In my world, ghosts can be trapped by a silver mirror and you can make the heads of zombies explode with a three-part harmony.

[Yes, this is Dipper's way of introducing himself. Champion of first impressions.]

[ordinarily]

[ That was a lot of excitement that Danny wasn't prepared for and he needs a moment to actually gather himself after all of that. ]

... Okay, in order:

Yes they have a portal, it just leads to a sort of afterlife, jealousy depends on the ghost, and we trap ghosts in a thermos.