thelegion | Tinker, Tailor, Hero, Spy [Modplot/Network IC Post] [Part 2] [Set after the ambush ends]

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Tinker, Tailor, Hero, Spy [Modplot/Network IC Post] [Part 2] [Set after the ambush ends]

[Things are not good -- and that's the understatement of the century. Just about everyone got walloped and the native Legionnaires were at the epicenter of that collective wumping, targeted first by the Fatal Five in the hopes that with them out of the way the rookies would be easy to pick off.]

[Thankfully, the Fatal Five were wrong. The rookies took their lumps but they held their ground.]

Matter-Eater Lad here.

[His glasses only partly hide the massive shiner he's got, and he's wearing a neck brace. Hooray. Fortunately, those are much less bulky in the glorious robot future.]

Alright, ladies and gents and variations thereupon, I think it goes without saying that what just happened was the pits. Right now, half of us more experienced Legionnaires are in Medbay and Kid Q is still trapped in a time loop, even if we've managed to relocate her to Legion World. Brainiac thinks he can fix it but he's still a mess because his personality inhibitors got blown and he has to fix those first before he can even hope to think straight again.

Everyone's respective boo boos aren't the only thing we have to worry about though. The Fatal Five knowing all our weaknesses, and some of what they said, suggested there's a mole on Legion World passing them private medical scans and tactical data. Since the Science Police had jurisdiction, they've already arrested a suspect.

[He tilts his omnicom and they can see that the Science Police are in the background, arguing viciously with Timber Wolf, Officer Erin, and Umbra, and trying to drag away a handcuffed Rocket, who's wasting no time in arguing with them, too.]

["Hey! Hey, watch the sui--what do you mean, hand over my gun? That's my gun! I mean, I got more, but it's my gun! I told you, I ain't a spy! Or a mole, or whatever stupid word you wanna use! I didn't do it!" A pause. "Do I look like a sp--yes, I know spies don't look like spies, that's whole point, but you know what I mean!"]

[Back on Tenzil's face again.]

It's totally bogus. The only evidence against Rocket they have is all digital sign-ins and video, which is so easy to doctor in this time period that a Terellian spongebeast could do it. No physical evidence or witnesses. No prints or DNA at the console he was supposedly accessing the data from. But they're not listening to us.

[Rocket has not stopped arguing in the background. "You're all assholes. Complete friggin' assholes. Have I told you that? 'Cause I feel like I should. Shouldn't you be out policing science, instead of arresting people who didn't do anything?"]

[Tenzil lowers his voice.] Which means we're gonna have to take a few things into our own hands.

[The last thing they hear from Rocket as he's dragged off is: "--and somebody remember to go water the plants while I'm dealing with this shit! I come back and they're all dead, somebody's gonna get their ass shot, then bit by a flytrap!"]

[Tenzil goes into the Legion Leader's office for more privacy.]

The chances of any of you rookies wanting to take down the entire Legion, when it means Chronoblivion would make the multiverse go kaput, are slim. We think Rocket's innocent -- and if he's not, there needs be evidence that's a whole lot more reliable before charges are brought.

Kid Q's out of the loop -- stuck in the loop as it were -- so as Deputy Leader, I'm taking charge. While the rest of us are licking our wounds, I'm organizing a team from the Legionnaires that are still standing to investigate. It'll be a private affair. No reason the Science Police need to worry their pretty little heads over any possible investigations that might be running side-by-side with their own, right?

Some good news, by the by: other than 4 Science Police officers that went down in the first blast, we had no other fatal casualties. All the delegates survived, all but the 4 Scicops made it, there were no fatalities in the crowd, and even with taking our lumps we didn't lose any teammates. The Fatal Five had everything they needed to turn the attack into a massacre that could've destroyed two governments, and taken out the entire team. You did good.

Oh, and since we have some new people with absolutely impeccable timing, welcome to the Legion. Don't mind our dust. Or the multitudinous catastrophic injuries. If you have any general questions that aren't just "Why is absolutely everyone injured?" feel free to ask.

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It's quite alright. Grif has difficulties relating to others with sincerity, so he attempts to defuse tension and improve the mood of his friends and acquaintances with humor that's not actually that humorous.

[Brainy looks slightly moved that Robbie would try to defend him, though.]

However, your concern is appreciated, albeit misplaced.

Edited 2016-09-13 19:58 (UTC)

It was a good joke and you know it.

[ Just gonna zero in on the clearly important thing here and try to breeze past the Grif-is-trying-to-help bit.

Because he is trying to help, but dammit Brainy you don't gotta go telling people that. Shit's embarrassing. ]

[Brainy breaks off from working on his inhibitor and makes a fifty-fifty gesture with his hand and answers with a very erudite, intelligent-sounding --]

Meh.

[ Grif puts a hand to his chest, taken aback. ]

That's all I get? Meh?

And I thought you guys wanted me to start putting effort into things.

[ Aw, come on. It's not fair to grab him by the hair and make him relate to everyone... dammit, now he feels for Grif too. Robbie is going to go to the mess hall and find out how the future has managed to ruin hot cocoa. ]

My flea circus brain disagrees. Maybe things get lost in a brain as big as yours.

[ But he's got a small smile on his face, and Robbie's tone is nothing but kindness. ]

... thanks for reminding me he's a person, too.

You're certainly welcome.

[A pause, then a small smile of his own.]

Though I should perhaps caution you about the fact that his being a person doesn't preclude him from occasionally being a sprocking nasshead. It's just not this particular instance that you need be concerned about.

Sprocking nasshead, huh? So much for your fancy technical terms.

[ Brainiac is aptly named, after all. His vocabulary is very precise. ]

I like it. I'll remember that one the next time I need a new Buckethead.

If you'd like to learn a full range of offensive language, talk to Timber Wolf. Alongside the common Interlac expletives, he's well-educated in the foul-mouthed, multilingual parlance used by Rimborian street gangs.

[A pause.]

The Legion considers proper cursing to be an imperative superheroing skill.

[Really, they are pretty foul-mouthed for a superteam. It's sprock this, frak that.]

Are you kidding me?

Back home, it's sort of frowned upon. There are higher standards if you want to be a superhero instead of a vigilante. No cursing allowed - you have to be a good role model for the kids. I don't curse much. The last thing I need is some cellphone video of me dropping f-bombs to go viral.

[ Robbie thinks he hasn't stocked up enough good will to survive a hit to his image, however minor. ]

Do I lose my L-card if I don't learn how to get down and dirty in Rimborian?

Sent from my iPhone

Ah, but you're forgetting an important factor. How did our universe's Superboy put it? "In space no one can hear you blaspheme."

[Despite the words being in Interlac, the rhyme still works out. Superboy put some work into it.]

With most missions, you don't have to worry about any unflattering video showing up on the newslinks because of the remote locations where much of our fighting is typically located. However, cursing isn't a requirement, just heavily condoned.

The team has always had a wide variety of opinions on the subject. Some of my fellow native Legionnaires feel it's an absolute, frequent necessity for ongoing combat badinage. I myself feel a far more infrequent, conservative dropping of the occasional S-bomb is much more effective. Meanwhile, our teammate Andromeda never cursed, but it was apparently frowned upon by her order of nuns.

[Yes, they had a flying, fighting superhero nun. Which is why the total randomness of the Time Trapper's interdimensional selections would almost be welcome if it weren't for the lack of choice they were all being given. What teammates do you get for the team that has (or at least had) everything?]

Nobody can hear me blaspheme in my head, either.

[ Robbie will continue to err on the side of caution, really, because he doesn't believe that video won't make it out in the world. Look at how many people had camera phones when he's from - and he's supposed to think that it's not a thousand times worse 1000 years in the future?

He looks dubious, at best, and it only becomes more skeptical when something else clicks. ]

The Legion only fights in remote locations?

[ He wants to ignore everything else to discuss the relative importance of this and how amazing it is that they can actually do that ... but his reputation prevents Robbie from ignoring Andromeda. ]

Aw man. I thought I was the only one with a history of fighting nuns.

[Brainy actually grins at Robbie saying he thought he was the only one with a history of fighting nuns, but that's because, well. Superheroing. It's ridiculous in any century.]

The team doesn't only fight in remote locations, and admittedly, the most recent spate of missions took place on populated planets. But quite a few missions take place in the vacuum of space or in the hideouts of our enemies, which are usually far from civilization.

[wryly] The UP member worlds have so much worldwide security surveillance that the skull-shaped volcanic lairs of old will no longer do. Not when they can be spotted by high-resolution satellite imaging.

[It's harder for villains to hide out on civilized worlds. (Other than Rimbor, anyway, but it's called the 'crime planet' for a reason.)]

Edited 2016-09-18 07:44 (UTC)

[ Ah, the Sisters of Sin. They were some of his favorite bruises. Oh wait, no they weren't. They were creepy as hell, but they remain one of his best stories. ]

I think... I'd prefer to get sent to the unpopulated ones. I won't chicken out on any assignment, but - if there's a Team Blue and Team Gold situation, or whatever you call them, ... yeah.

[ But he can chuckle and shake his head at that. ]

Back home, my team's taken over one of those for our HQ. Technically not shaped like a skull, but Mount Wundagore had an official genocide planning room when we moved in. It's cozy.

I'll make a note with Kid Quantum. You may not always have a choice, but if there is one, and the situation makes logistical sense, she'll try to adhere to your preferences.

[A brief pause.]

I've always prefered missions and postings that have nothing to do with the public myself.

Thanks, Brainiac. I owe you one.

[ There's no joking behind it. Just have a nice, soft-spoken bit of earnesty. Robbie doesn't offer much of that. ]

Man, I feel kind of bad calling you Brainiac all the time. I usually hold that in reserve for smug inventors named Reed and Stark. For sarcastic purposes only. They'll tell you to your face how they're such geniuses and ... huh.

[ Oh, that comparison snuck up on him, but he doesn't think it fits. ]

You're less of a nasshead about it. Did I get that right?

[Brainy's mouth tweaks in a slight smile at Robbie's cursing.]

Affirmative. Although I can't say that I'm any less prone to simply stating the facts in regards to my intellect.

[To be fair, he at least understands there's more to life than smarts. Like actually having a sense of a humor about yourself, something it took him a lifetime to develop.]

[His expression grows a little more unsure as he reflects on what Robbie said about calling others Brainiac. It's more confusion than anything else.]

However, I'm unsure why "Brainiac" would be a general reference to someone of intellect, but the cultural connotations are likely very different in your universe. In this universe, it might be considered by some to be an insult.

["Brainiac" isn't something you call a random smart person, not unless you're trying to pick a fight.]

It's a specific inherited title carried by my family line, used to denote our unusual twelfth level intellect and our...lineage. [That's the most polite word he can find for it.] I am the fifth Brainiac in my family line, albeit the first to use it as a heroic appellation.

If you find it awkward, my real name is Querl Dox. Although my friends prefer the nickname "Brainy."

["Brainy" is far warmer and he definitely doesn't hate it, even if he did once.]

[ A few moments of silence. Robbie's not dumb, and he knows enough mutants to know that when you start talking about ... lineage. ]

It - it means you're smart. Too smart. I never took Greek or Latin, but I think -iac is a suffix that means taking it too extremes. Hypochondriac, maniac, hemophiliac. I think kids made it up to make fun of the smart guy in the room. Maybe I'm wrong. But - yeah, it's kind of an insult. That's why I don't like using it.

[ Robbie shifts uncomfortably, carding his hands through his hair. He feels guilty as hell, somehow, as if he's making it worse.

It might be considered an insult.

It's reserved for his bloodline.

And the public doesn't like Brainiac, who's the first to try the heroic thing.

Robbie doesn't know if he should use the name, help Brainiac reclaim it the way he did Speedball, or step around it with Brainy. ]

I'd say Brainy's a Smurf and you're the wrong color, but you wouldn't get it. I'll call you what you want, Querl Dox.

[ For now, he'll stick with official, although Rob's unsure if it's one name or two and, if it's two, is one a surname? ]

I know how hard you got to work to get the right one to stick.

Edited 2016-10-01 02:48 (UTC)

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I don't have to take this abuse!

[ His feelings dude, they're super duper hurt. ]

It's hardly abuse.

I did say he didn't have to worry about this particular instance, since you were attempting to be sociable and making an entirely innocent attempt to try to amuse a teammate.

[A pause.]

An attempt that was genuinely appreciated.

Okay well. Good.

[ Friendship is really hard and he's not good at it. This is so embarrassing. ]

And I guess while I'm talking to you I wanted to let you know I figured the thing out and you're an asshole.

[ He's talking about the plaque, and just completely failing at providing relevant details. ]

I haven't the faintest idea of what you're talking about.

[Just like the story he'd told Grif the day he'd given him the plaque was entirely hypothetical, surely.]

Edited 2016-09-17 04:14 (UTC)

My self-image has been permanently scarred. I hope you're proud.

[ His feelings about it can be best summarized as "semi-complicated". ]

Still haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about.

[A pause.]

But if I did, I'd be quite proud.

[ Grif fights to think of a response for a few seconds, then sighs and just makes the I-see-you gesture, pointing his fingers back and forth between his eyes and the camera with a totally real and not joking scowl on his face. ]

[Brainy just smirks.]

No regrets. None.

[Then he cuts the comm off because this is coming dangerously close to him admitting he did a nice thing and we can't have that.]

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