Voice

[goddamngrenades]

[ Roughly fifteen, twenty minutes after Amercia's very helpful Anti-Sugar PSA (the more you know and all that Jazz) a random joke has become a thing. Out of...if not spite, but a desire for mischief. ]

Who's up for a bake-off? It's a mini competition where you, well, bake your best pie or cake or cookies or pastry or whatever you like, as long as baking is involved somehow, and submit them to categories of some kind to be judged and awarded prizes. Bragging rights are mostly what you get out of it, but- I figure we can have a little scientific application here. The Categories will be Baked with Artificial Sweeteners, Baked with Natural sugars- apples, cherries, letting fruit do the work and stuff- and Baked with good old fashioned sugar.

And a bonus category for baking while baked something that'll get you baked, if you get my meaning. Apparently it's entirely legal in some sectors in the vegan space future- or at least variations on the same. Who knew? Let's double dip in vices.

Totally not connected to the whole 'sugar is evil' thing, nope, not even a little. This is some good, clean, spite free fun. Honest. Is this the voice of a man that would lie to you?

Bring on your baked goods and, uh- I'm gonna need some volunteers to help as judges. Actual Judge experience not required.

Comments

video

[letsgohurtpeople]

[Kyou narrows his eyes.]

I'm going to destroy you all.

[He stops narrowing his eyes and his tone sounds less threatening.]

At baking.

[Yes, the ninja bakes. Both his parents were as good at baking as they were at ninjutsu and that was very, very good. He used to bake with them.]

video

[lovernotafighter]

I've gotta ask: do you take lessons in drama, or is this shit all natural?

[Seriously, he's honestly curious.]

[letsgohurtpeople]

This one wasn't so much drama as hyperbolic deadpan humor.

But yeah, it's a ninja thing. We're all mass cloned and genetically engineered to be dramatic enough for the job.

[He says it completely deadpan.]

I've got a bar code on my abs and everything.

[unrecovered]

[Wash holds up a hastily-made sign with an 8 on it. Look, he's judging you already.]

[letsgohurtpeople]

You can't prejudge my baking! You haven't even tasted anything yet.

Audio

[lovernotafighter]

Are you sure that's a good idea, considering...?

[Because fuck, he wants to be a judge, but, you know, reasons.]

[goddamngrenades]

That's gonna have to be a risk you're willing to take, man.

[lovernotafighter]

You're asking me to make an impossible choice, you know that?

[legionnpcs]

[letsgohurtpeople]

I was going to break in here to try reason, but instead:

[He just cracks up into mocking laughter, with loud bwahas.]

[lovernotafighter]

Don't show me that!

video

[justicecrusader]

[ Oh god, this sugar thing is the gift that keeps on giving. ]

If you will have me, I would love to be a judge.

[ He wants front-row seats. ]

[goddamngrenades]

Excellent! There's only one of me and I really don't wanna overload on sugar.

[ This might be a spite bake off but he can only take so much. ]

[justicecrusader]

Oh, do not worry, my friend. I can handle anything you throw at me.

[ This includes pot brownies, yes. ]

[legionnpcs]

I don't know if I want to judge...

[And let everyone know they suck.]

...or cook.

[And show everyone how much they suck compared to her matron's old tribal recipes.]

[goddamngrenades]

I'd say bake for one category and judge for another but that might be a conflict of interest somehow. Or, maybe not? Hell, this is pretty informal, you can probably swing it.

[legionnpcs]

I'll just cook.

[video]

[smarterthandad]

I WANNA JUDGE!

[Can you say no to someone this small and cute and able to strand you in a pocket universe if you turn her down?]

[goddamngrenades]

Alright- you can handle anything other than the bonus category; sound good?

[ He is not giving hypothetical alien pot brownies to a kid. Nope. ]

[smarterthandad]

Like I really wanted to dose myself with a drug that has documented negative impacts on cognition in the first place.

[Weed makes you stupid, York.]

[unrecovered]

I'll judge. Everything but the vice category.

[goddamngrenades]

I had a feeling that's the one I'll need extra volunteers for.

[the_civilian]

I can judge or bake, depending on where an extra body's needed.

[goddamngrenades]

Bakers, I think we're all up on Judges. Unless you're willing to judge or the bonus category, we're hurting for help there.

[whyarewehere]

I'm judging. You know. Just formally confirming that.

None of you better disappoint me.

[ If there's one thing Grif cares passionately about in this world, it's food. ]