thelegion | (no subject)

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[There's no getting around it. It's an essay. About the dangers of sugar abuse on your health, linked to several medical articles. In it, she links the abuse of sugar to depression, diabetes, dopamine imbalances, fueling cancer cells and making tumors more aggressive, impotence, increased risk of heart attacks and heart disease, increased inflammation leading to joint pain and arthritis, increased risk of strokes, kidney failure, and rotting teeth.

Included in her essay is a list of signs of sugar abuse, including false teeth, rotten teeth, pupil dilation, jitteriness, mid-afternoon 'crashes', and other symptoms.

She wraps up with a plea for people to seek help and rehabilitation for their addictions and avoid anyone who might try to push such addictive substances on them.]

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oh my god why

[ It's all he really has left now. ]

I didn't write it to be misunderstood, I just knew it could be. I figured it might have one or two people misunderstanding it anyway due to a sheer unwillingness to read. Grif, maybe. But I don't think anyone could have predicted the penis-focused breakdown Tucker's having.

I'll admit that this is a response to a conversation I had on my last mission, but all I've done is state the facts and encourage Tucker to think about whether or not he's had healthy sugar levels all this time. If you want to read more maliciousness into it, feel free, but that wasn't my intention when I put all this together.

Chapter Fifteen in Dredd's Comportment.

I should've just sat there and made you eat the entire thing out of spite.

Because I have complete faith that you'd do the same for me if I left a statement just dangling like that.

There are some experiments I've read up on, but they required invasive surgery and ended up being temporary.

[ Robbie stands with the bowl and does a Beatlesque bow. ]

Hm. Maybe convince the cook staff for a healthier diet...

As long as you called a medic when I started spasming, I'd still say we've made progress!

oh
sorry i type fast

[ Grif's about to fire off something flippant when something occurs to him. He deletes what he was typing, and instead: ]

has he seemed weird lately to you?

Everyone's life would be. Who could compete with all this?

[God, don't answer that.]

So that's why Wash was always yelling at me to stop sleeping naked.

[ Reinhardt's laughing.

He's laughing so hard.

There's nothing else to this comment. Just laughing. ]

Yeaaaah, I can't lie about that; I pretty much half-assed most of the drills you gave me and I still turned out okay.

[Barring one scar...]

Fuck, man, did you see all that paperwork, though? And are you suuuuuure you're not just saying that for other reasons?

Dude, make up your mind!

Wait. WAIT. WAIT.

There's someone here named Dick Rider and I'm just now putting this shit together?

Dude, I'd make six different kinds of jokes off that sentence alone if you were an adult.

[ Robbie uses smash segues like that, so he tends to take them seriously when other people do. ]

Rich? No, he seems OK to me. Or OK when I saw him last. I've been ... not paying the greatest attention to people, and the conversation was kind of not normal ground. I thought he was really cool about it.

Dude, seriously? I don't know if you read that, but there's some pretty compelling shit about how supposedly chocolate breaks your dick. I'm assuming you guys have dicks, and I'm assuming you don't want it broken, so, you know, you might want to stop eating that stuff.

It's not my fault you're too slow to be pro. You got to catch stuff like that or your game goes down the tubes.

[Garrus shoots a flat look straight into the camera.]

I must have missed the section where she covered the studies done on turian subjects.

[Because yes, he actually read the damn thing. Partly due to boredom and partly for a laugh, but he'd read it.]

You? Never.

[It's a sincere admission, for all he's clearly bemused now.]

But maybe the war on stimulants. Just a little.

[See that? That's her 'I'm going to destroy you in the next run' look.]]

[Dipper shows up on screen with a bowl that's nearly filled to the brim with maple syrup. Floating in that maple syrup are chocolate sprinkles and rainbow colored marshmallow bits fished out of a box of Mellow Mallow Cereal.]

[Very casually, he starts spooning the toxic concoction into his mouth, eating it as if it's just a normal bowl of cereal. He doesn't say a word as he does it. He just sits there slowly eating it on screen.]

[Normally, he doesn't eat what he and Mabel call "Special Mix" anymore, because Wash has really come down on him about having a healthy diet, but he figures he'll forgive him just. This. Once.]

Edited 2017-10-21 01:21 (UTC)

[Robbie and Dipper had pretty much the exact same idea, at the exact same time. Dipper posted his maybe a minute after Robbie's.]

[So when he sees Robbie doing the same gag, he laughs so hard that he almost falls off his chair.]

Looks like we had the same idea.

[He holds up his bowl of maple syrup, cereal marshmallows, and chocolate sprinkles.]

But if you put pure sugar in there, that's dedication.

Edited 2017-10-21 01:26 (UTC)

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