yay now is fighty time [video]

[letsgohurtpeople]

[He almost doesn't want to make the stupid video but he knows that, as much as he wants to, he can't just hide away until the next mission, ninja in, and start doing...whatever. Hero stuff. Whatever it is that heroes do.]

[God, he's done it this time, hasn't he? Gotten into yet more hero crap, and he doesn't even know these assholes. At least back home, he and the other Remedial kids are friends now. Sure, he's hoping to eventually use them in his whole quest for vengeance, but at this point, they'd probably help out with that willingly.]

[Now he's got to make nicey nice with a bunch of strangers, when it was already hard enough to do it the first time. And apparently he's not allowed to kill anybody if he joins up with their outfit. The only way to really face this threat to all their worlds is with this stupid team, and that means he's got to follow their stupid rules.]

[So it's a very cranky ninja that appears on screen. His face is cowled; the small bit of skin that's visible is a bright blue. Two pointy white horns jut out from the sides of his forehead, and his eyes glow with a menacing orange glow. Even though his face is cowled, the way his eyes are crinkled up make it clear he's scowling under there.]

[When he speaks, his voice is low and raspy. He sounds like the teenage boy he is, but definitely the kind of teenage boy that smokes six packs a day. Also the Joisey accent is pretty unmistakable.]

'Sup, losers. My name's Kyou Tanaka. I've been told there's some kind of cosmic whatever we've gotta stab repeatedly in the face.

Which is a good thing because apparently the morons in charge of this outfit won't let us stab anything else in the face.

So you're going to not be seeing me hanging around a lot. I say "not" on account of, y'know, ninja. But on the off chance you ever do see me, like when I move in for the ki - uh, punching, for the punching - don't shoot me or blow me up with butt lasers or anything. I can heal from it, but seeing as most of you can't heal when I inevitably throw a shuriken in your eye on sheer reflex, you should probably save us both the trouble.

[He pauses. Shit, what else is he supposed to say?]

I guess I'm supposed to tell you my "superhero" name. [Quotey fingers. He only has four fingers on each hand.] It's Murderizer McKillinstuff.

[Another pause.]

Just because I'm following your stupid no-killing rules doesn't mean I have to like it.

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[legionnpcs]

[Someone seems to have entered "Kid Fluffums" in his official Legion records as the codename.]

[bachido]

[Wow what an edgelord. Kubo doesn't even know the word 'edgelord,' and yet somehow, he's thinking it.]

If you do throw a shuriken at my eye, can you throw it at my left, not my right? I'm all out of spares.

[letsgohurtpeople]

[Oh. It's a kid. He should probably be...nice or something, right?]

[Because he's trying to be nice, the words are just breezy and casual instead of threatening or angry.]

Yeah, I can do that, I've got good aim.

[bachido]

Thank you. That's very considerate.

[Kubo says it dryly, but with a bit of a smile. It's not like this person is aggressively mean, like Rico is or Azula was . . . he's just not going out of his way to be nice.

Kubo can get along with blunt people. His mother is - was - the bluntest person he's ever met, and he'll never stop missing her.]

Welcome to the Legion. My name is Kabutomushi Kubo. My superhero name is Paperboy.

[His shamisen is on his lap, and he lifts it into position to play a few notes and send some paper fluttering across the screen, folding itself into the shapes of shuriken.]

You said you had healing powers? What a great power to have. I wouldn't give up my paper magic, but I think my family would rather I had healing powers instead.

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[mirror_soldier]

[Is this a joke? Thad wasn't always great at picking up on that, and this guy doesn't sound too far off from some of the people Impulse or Young Justice had interacted with, so he honestly isn't sure. In fact, he was almost like Lil'Lobo or like what Slobo was purported to be like in his records, but with less use of the word's frag or bastich.]

You do realize, you're going to have to deal with a vast majority of people calling you that on a fairly regular basis, right?

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[letsgohurtpeople]

A-duh. What's the point in having a badass superhero name if nobody uses it?

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[mirror_soldier]

[Nope, still not sure if it's a joke or not.]

I suppose.

You don't think it's going to get old eventually, though? From what I've seen Chick Magnet still catches grife over his code name.

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[orbislife]

[ Ninja filled with anger and rage. Where has Zenyatta seen this before? It's so familiar. ]

Hello, Murderizer McKillinstuff.

Should I announce my presence when I approach you? I do not have footsteps, and sometimes I startle people. It has led to a blade at my throat before.

[ For the record, Zenyatta does know sarcasm and doesn't truly believe that to be his name. It doesn't stop him from poking a little fun at the obvious joke of a hero name. ]

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[letsgohurtpeople]

Probably. I'm going to try to lay off the stabby stab, but people sneak up and try to kill me all the time, so it's pretty much reflex. I can work on that so I don't do it to people, but it's probably safer for everyone if they try not to surprise me.

[It definitely says something about his life that his reflexes are so heavily honed to deal with people trying to stab him in the back, and while those reflexes aren't impossible to curb, he'd just rather not have to do that thing where he reflexively attacks and has to stop himself at the last second. It tends to freak people out. (Understandably.)]

How come you don't have footsteps? [Kyou doesn't, but that's all training.] You're a robot, right? Do you have like a built-in jetpack or something?

[He's not exactly sociable, but this place and the people in it are kinda sorta interesting, just like the Academy of Evil had been different and interesting compared to the clan's compound.]

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[orbislife]

I understand. For my student, it was a reflex as well, but eventually he was able to tell when I was coming towards him... as long as he was not too absorbed in something else.

[ Zenyatta chuckles lightly. It became a game at times, the both of them trying to sneak up on the other. ]

I hover, so that is why I lack footsteps. You could say that it is related to my power. Though a jetpack would make me much faster. Maybe my ring will be able to do the same.

Would you prefer for me to use Murderizer, McKillingstuff, or your full name when I call out to you?

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[araignee_du_soir]

[Now here's some potential that could eventually be useful in the future when they decided it was time to leave. Unfortunately, it was a child. Perhaps the child just needed someone blue to identify with.]

You may want to check the roster; I doubt they have allowed that as your code name. They barely allowed mine.

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[letsgohurtpeople]

[Kyou narrows his eyes and then checks the roster on his omnicom. And then his voice goes even more growly than usual.]

Aw, what?! They changed it to something lame!

[He mutters.] Stupid superheroes with their morals.

This is why I normally stay five million miles away from hero crap. The only reason I got roped into it back home is because it's starting to look like one of those fate of the world things and because my stupid friends don't know how to mind their goddamn business.

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[araignee_du_soir]

It is rather... irritating to have to play by these rules. [An understatement.] But such is how things are for the moment. Bide your time and perhaps opportunity will appear.

[actionishisreward]

Take it from a guy who's had his name changed to something stupid in the past: someone is probably going to end up calling you McNugget. It might be one of the old Legionnaires. It might be someone on the Anon Meme. It might even be me.

Now that I think about it, it's definitely going to be me. It's way less ridiculous than having to call you McKillinstuff.

[letsgohurtpeople]

[He narrows his eyes.]

If you call me McNugget I'm gonna call you Wedgie McSpandex.

[actionishisreward]

[Peter cocks his head to the side, obviously thinking that over even under his mask.]

Meh. I've been called worse.

But...okay. Would you prefer Stabbob Knifepants?

[unrecovered]

[Oh. Oh, he's going to be one of the interesting ones. Evidently the Time Trapper has a minimum of one edgelord aboard Legion World, because here this guy is.]

[Teenagers. Honestly.]

As you've probably already seen, if you don't have an approved hero name, or have one that's a little...let's say out of the ordinary - you're going to start getting people calling you hey you or coming up with nicknames.

So you should probably come up with a new one unless you want people calling you, say, Baron von Stabbity. Or Knifeface McNinja.

[letsgohurtpeople]

Stabbity McNinja would work just fine but these people gotta be all squeamish about things.

[Delicate little hero flowers, ugh.]

[unrecovered]

Well, Edgelord McScarypants, it's almost like those policies are in place for a reason.

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[lovernotafighter]

And here I was, getting shit about my name, but then you came along. Thanks!

[Don't mind the little Hm, hm on that; maybe people will leave him alone now. Dramatics tended to get more attention, after all.]

Okay, so I thought you guys weren't exactly supposed to announce that you're ninja or some shit. Something about elements of surprise and all that. Is that old school rules?

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[letsgohurtpeople]

Or maybe I'm good enough at what I do that it doesn't matter if people know I'm a ninja. Since they'll never see me coming, anyway.

[He's good. The best at what he does and what he does isn't very nice, yada yada yada.]

The only jackoffs that need to hide they're ninjas usually have to do it because they're shitty ninjas.

[headinjuries]

See, I don't think the problem is even how super edgelord the name is, it's how long it is. Takes way too long to say Murderizer McKillinstuff, you know?

Also hi I'm Sam. Or Nova. Whatever.

[letsgohurtpeople]

I'm fine with Murderizer for short. That's only 4 syllables. That green guy is "Brainiac 5." That's the same number.

[McKillinstuff is a little longer, so it makes more sense to just use Murderizer.]

Also...hi? [People are so weirdly friendly here, he's just not used to it. 'Hi my name is such and such." Non-ninjas are weird.] Why Nova? Were you a superhero back home too or is that just what they call you here?

[mcskittles]

[This is so unmistakably teenager-y, it's almost kind of endearing. Even if he's talking about things like stabbing people in the face.]

Just out of curiosity, have there been accidental attempts on your life before?

[If he feels the need to warn them that he's actually on their side, he kind of has to wonder...]

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[letsgohurtpeople]

Nah, most of the times people try to kill me, it's usually on purpose. Other ninjas try to maim me all the time.

[The current state of his clan and his relationship with his fellow ninjas is pretty fucked up at the moment.
His healing factor has definitely come in handy during the rare times one of them has genuinely gotten the drop on him. ]

But I've had my friends surprise me sometimes or touch me when I'm not expecting it and I only just barely avoided hurting them just out of reflex.

[It really isn't something he means to do. It's just that he has to be able to counter-attack without even thinking about it to avoid getting nailed by other ninjas. So a simple touch on the arm has a way of making him try to elbow whoever's doing it in the throat.]