[video]

[manwhosoldtheworld]

Well, isn't this nice?

[Peter has a mug of coffee clasped between his hands and is wearing an obnoxiously acid green t-shirt. You can take the man out of the gym, but you can't take the gym out of the man. His tastes haven't changed that much.]

Electricity. Hot running water. Coffee. As much alcohol as I can imbibe. It's delightful.

[Yes, he does intend to take advantage of the new-found luxury.]

I would love to say that I'm shocked to be here and all those platitudes about trying to adjust, but really, this makes about as much sense as anything else that's happened to me in the last few years.

Zombie apocalypse, insane hippies with mind-control rays, people growing lizard scales... superheroes and alternate realities seems like the next logical step, as far as logic has anything to do with it.

[He takes a long drink of his coffee.]

Oh yes. You can call me Peter. I'm... A Runner, entertainer, part-time spy and occasional meat shield. I'm sure we'll have a marvellous time together.

Comments

[manwhosoldtheworld]

You could probably clingfilm it. I know they do that for tattoos when they're not supposed to get wet.

[Might be worth a try. Showers are one of life's little pleasures. He's learnt to appreciate those.]

Explosion?

Yeah the settlement was pretty much built from scratch so the sewerage system could be a bit... basic.

[muroieda]

Clingfilm?? What post-apocalyptic world do ya live in where ya have enough clingfilm ta spare fer three-quarters of a leg? Way easier ta just take it off.

Oh, yeah, it's...kind of a long story. Just replace the zombies with robots! Close enough fer government work.

Get it?

Because it was!

[Cue the sardonic cackling. Somewhere in the distance, there's a deep snort that doesn't come from him.]

[manwhosoldtheworld]

The kind where we sent parties to raid a supermarket and not many people had thought to take cling film.

[He lets out a soft sigh.]

Ah the government. There's always something for them to make infinitely more complicated, isn't there?

[muroieda]

Eh, truth. [Shrug.] A lifetime's worth of years later, supermarkets ain't anythin' but empty shelter. Maybe a source of thick alum if the shelves ain't been pilfered yet.

[He giggles, with a bit of an unhinged edge to it.]

Oh, nothin' we can't simplify on our own. But what about you, mate? Zombies--how'd they come ta be, huh?

[manwhosoldtheworld]

We'll get there soon enough. Most settlements now are at least growing enough to keep themselves going.

[There is no judgement here. Peter has had his own brushes with insanity, and by brush he means jumping off the deep end.]

Well, initially we thought it was a drug trial gone wrong. Then we thought it was a drug trial mixed with a mind control chemical.

Now we think it might have been deliberate. It's all very confusing.

[muroieda]

Deliberate? Hunh. What for? Any idea?

[manwhosoldtheworld]

Crazy Norse fascist cult honestly. Something about a promised land.

[muroieda]

Norse? Wot--Valhalla or somethin'?

[The conspiracy math isn't adding up for him just yet.]

[manwhosoldtheworld]

The Minister calls it 'The Wakened Land' and it's a lot of ridiculous bullshit.

[muroieda]

Pshht.

[Insert eye-rolling here.]

If they're gonna claim Norse they might as well stick ta the books. Seriously, no one respects a cult that doesn't read up on their own material.

[This is serious. People died. And here he is making jokes like this.

Or is he serious?]

[manwhosoldtheworld]

The impression I got was it was based on some pop psychology book from the 60s. That probably explains a lot. Everyone was probably completely stoned when it was written.

[Nah, Peter is 100% here to take the piss. Sure things may be terrible, but he is, after all, the man who came up with the game of 'Whack a Zom'.]

[muroieda]

I--

[what.]

Ya know wot? Ya win this one. I can't beat somethin' that never made sense ta begin with.

[Not that there was a competition here, but there are only so many unclear degrees of separation between zombies, norse mythology, and outdated psychology before you just have to write the whole thing off as "yeah nah, forget it."]

[manwhosoldtheworld]

Good plan.

[Peter sighs and leans forward towards the camera.]

If it makes you feel any better, It makes no bloody sense to me and I've lived through it. it all gets a bit ridiculous really.