Team Bonding, AMA

[the_civilian]

[ Tadashi is reclining in a bed in medical, wearing the beatific smile of the enlightened and the well and truly stoned. ]

I love biology. Well, no, I'm enthusiastic about biology, I don't love it. I love programming and engineering and my family and helping people. Not in that order. Maybe in that order in regards to science. Except programming and engineering are the tools I use to help people, but I do love them too.

[ He stares off into space for a moment, then shakes himself and focuses back on the camera again. ]

But, you know, the thing about biology that's so cool is that we don't understand it all the way. Sometimes biological interactions happen unexpectedly. Like, these painkillers. I don't have an example of them to show you; they're already in my system and the medical staff won't give me more of them because they make me really loopy. Which is cool, because it's not an allergic reaction or a result of a miscalculated dose, it's just a reaction that happens sometimes to some people. Which is cool! Even almost a thousand years in the future of an alternate universe -- which has seriously weird rules, oh my god you guys I wish I loved biology and philosophy and physics more so I could study how weird this place is, I could write so many papers -- people still don't really know how our bodies work and why they react to certain things the way they do. Reality is amazing and I am so happy it exists!

[ He beams at the camera, but his smile eventually fades into confusion. Then he gasps in apparent surprise. ]

Oh yeah! Anyway, I'm super bored right now and I can't concentrate enough to read anything longer than a few sentences. And I've kind of been focused on dealing with my own stuff and not lighting things on fire when I shouldn't to get to know people, so I was thinking I should get off my ass and do that. Metaphorically, not literally, because the medical staff has confined to this bed until I metabolize the painkillers.

I was thinking we could do a...thingy. That thing people sometimes-- AMA! Ask Me Anything, that thing! We could do that, but just for Legionnaires. Not that I don't love the staffers here, I do, but I was thinking it could be a team bonding thing and some people here are more private than others. But I'd need one of the scary computer ladies to lock it down for me, because I can't figure out how to do that right now.

[ His eyes widen suddenly. ]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean that like "scary computers who are women", that would be rude, I meant it like "scary women who are good with computers". Computer programming has a long history of ignoring the contributions of the women who are it's backbone, and we have a lot of women here who area really good at what they do and they deserve to be afforded all the respect due to them as people and as badasses. The patriarchy sucks like the vacuum abhorred by nature.

...I think this got away from me. What was I talking about?

Comments

[ordinarily]

Yeah, I get it, evil future self already made the joke, don't need to hear it again.

And no, they don't know. They don't know, because I don't tell them. Because they're ghost hunters. And I like keeping my molecules where they are.

The only reason Sam and Tucker even know is because they were there.

[unrecovered]

["Evil future self" is getting tucked away for another conversation, because there just isn't room to get into it now.]

You think they'd put your ghost powers over the fact that you're their son?

[It's an honest question - he doesn't know Danny's parents and can't make that judgment call.]

[ordinarily]

I think they put ghosts over everything, even common sense.

[ And really, that's the whammy. He loves his parents, but he's a little scared that they'll put their obsession with ghosts over their love for their son. It's a dumb thing to worry about, especially after he witnessed a reality where his identity was revealed to the entire world, and his parents supported him anyway, and even defended him from the government.

But fear wasn't rational. Paranoia wasn't rational. And at this point, he had nightmares about being strapped to a dissection table. ]

I'm not telling anyone. I don't care what you think, I like feeling almost normal. If you're disappointed in me, then fine, whatever, join the teacher's club. But if you tell anyone...

[unrecovered]

[That's...Jesus. Wash has no context outside of what Danny has provided, and Danny has painted a very specific picture of his parents with what he's said. If that's his home life, no wonder he's cagey about it.]

It's not my secret to tell.

[Sadly, it's also not that simple.]

One exception: if your secret puts anyone's life in danger, including yours, all bets are off.

[ordinarily]

Pretty sure that's not gonna happen, so sure, whatever.

[ Not that he can guarantee that, but that's part of why he's kept it completely hidden. Can't attract the usual trouble that way. ]

[unrecovered]

Given the sheer amount of bullshit we deal with on a weekly basis, I'm not ruling anything out.

[ordinarily]

Look, as long as the name 'Danny Phantom' isn't out there, we won't have to deal with my stupid enemies.

... Except maybe the Box Ghost. I don't think he actually cares, as long as someone's paying attention.

[unrecovered]

One, the odds of them following you here are pretty low. [He says, like he hadn't had to fight the Meta again and like Felix isn't still at large.]

Two, if they ever do show up, do you really think they won't catch on to Ghost Boy, especially with your face attached? The Legion is pretty public.

And three...the Box Ghost? [Because he has to know. He just has to.]

[ordinarily]

Look, just let me have this.

And yes, the Box Ghost. He's dumb, and annoying, and he only does one thing.

[unrecovered]

[Wash just raises his hands in front of him in a gesture of surrender. Danny can have this, right up until it starts causing problems.]

Let me guess: he haunts boxes.

[ordinarily]

Loudly. Couple of times a week.

[unrecovered]

[It's undead Caboose with a fixation. Sounds like fun.]

Tell me he's at least easy to take care of.

[ordinarily]

Yeah, you just shove him in the thermos and he's done.

[unrecovered]

...the thermos.

[ordinarily]

We catch ghosts in a thermos, deal with it.

[unrecovered]

...do they stay?

[He assumes not, because of that "several times a week" comment, but still.]

[ordinarily]

Well, no, because the ghost zone has natural portals, so even if we dump 'em in there, it doesn't mean they can't come back.

And I'm not gonna just leave a ghost in the thermos. It's cramped in there.

[ Too small, can confirm. ]

[unrecovered]

So you have a ghost catch and release program with no long-term solutions.

[ordinarily]

It's worked just fine so far.

[unrecovered]

Except that you have to go take care of the same guy a couple of times a week, and I'm sure he's not the only one.

What do you do with the dangerous ones?

[He's sat through too many horror movies to believe there aren't dangerous ones.]

[ordinarily]

They stay in the thermos.

[ Or a sarcophagus. Whatever. ]

[unrecovered]

And what happens if someone gets their hands on the thermos?

[Because "I keep dangerous entities in something most five year olds keep in their lunch boxes" is just asking for trouble.]

[ordinarily]

Well, given I've only had to that that once, and that thermos is being held by the literal master of time, I think I'm fine.

Unless, you know. You wanna keep acting like I don't know what I'm doing.

[unrecovered]

[He's less concerned about the fact that that it's in a thermos and more worried about the fact that Danny faced something he deemed dangerous enough to leave in the care of the literal master of time, whoever that happens to be in Danny's dimension. Given that he has no idea what the range on Danny's sliding scale of dangerous is, that's...worrying, to say the least.]

[Not that Danny will want to hear that right now.]

Look, I don't know what you're doing. I'm just trying to figure out how your world works.

I don't usually run into people whose lives are weirder than mine. It's a...new experience.

[ordinarily]

[ If Danny were actually chill right now, he might've actually understood Wash's point. As things stood right now though, he was too defensive to think of that himself. To Wash's credit though, Danny did tone it down a bit as Wash's words. Just... quiet for a bit, as he went from actually angry, to just... scowling teenager. ]

... I know what I'm doing. It's... [ He sighs. ] It's been a year since this started. I've had time to figure some stuff out.