thelegion | Team Bonding, AMA

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Team Bonding, AMA

[ Tadashi is reclining in a bed in medical, wearing the beatific smile of the enlightened and the well and truly stoned. ]

I love biology. Well, no, I'm enthusiastic about biology, I don't love it. I love programming and engineering and my family and helping people. Not in that order. Maybe in that order in regards to science. Except programming and engineering are the tools I use to help people, but I do love them too.

[ He stares off into space for a moment, then shakes himself and focuses back on the camera again. ]

But, you know, the thing about biology that's so cool is that we don't understand it all the way. Sometimes biological interactions happen unexpectedly. Like, these painkillers. I don't have an example of them to show you; they're already in my system and the medical staff won't give me more of them because they make me really loopy. Which is cool, because it's not an allergic reaction or a result of a miscalculated dose, it's just a reaction that happens sometimes to some people. Which is cool! Even almost a thousand years in the future of an alternate universe -- which has seriously weird rules, oh my god you guys I wish I loved biology and philosophy and physics more so I could study how weird this place is, I could write so many papers -- people still don't really know how our bodies work and why they react to certain things the way they do. Reality is amazing and I am so happy it exists!

[ He beams at the camera, but his smile eventually fades into confusion. Then he gasps in apparent surprise. ]

Oh yeah! Anyway, I'm super bored right now and I can't concentrate enough to read anything longer than a few sentences. And I've kind of been focused on dealing with my own stuff and not lighting things on fire when I shouldn't to get to know people, so I was thinking I should get off my ass and do that. Metaphorically, not literally, because the medical staff has confined to this bed until I metabolize the painkillers.

I was thinking we could do a...thingy. That thing people sometimes-- AMA! Ask Me Anything, that thing! We could do that, but just for Legionnaires. Not that I don't love the staffers here, I do, but I was thinking it could be a team bonding thing and some people here are more private than others. But I'd need one of the scary computer ladies to lock it down for me, because I can't figure out how to do that right now.

[ His eyes widen suddenly. ]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean that like "scary computers who are women", that would be rude, I meant it like "scary women who are good with computers". Computer programming has a long history of ignoring the contributions of the women who are it's backbone, and we have a lot of women here who area really good at what they do and they deserve to be afforded all the respect due to them as people and as badasses. The patriarchy sucks like the vacuum abhorred by nature.

...I think this got away from me. What was I talking about?

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Do you want dating advice?

[Just gonna rip that band-aid right off]

[They haven't really talked much since the robot stuff. Wash had checked on him, still, sure, but Dipper'd had a lot to process. But he's ready to talk now and he wants to try to put all the robot zombie stuff past them. He understands now.]

[But Wash asking that question takes him by surprise, so he just makes an incoherent noise at first, because dating with one thing, but this is the first time he's been put on the spot to talk about it with anyone other than Pidge.]

Gjkkgkt.

[Then he recovers.]

I've watched a lot of teen shows because of Mabel, and also read some good human-centric teen websites about it, that give advice about self esteem and talking about feelings and stuff. That should be enough?

Ha ha, I mean it can't be that hard, right?

[Look, this is probably the less traumatic option for the both of them. They can talk heavy stuff in person later.]

What I got from all that is "yes, please, give me advice, I'm new at this."

[Said without any sarcasm or mocking - he wouldn't do that to Dipper.]

Look, being in a relationship can be amazing, but it takes work. Don't ever let anyone tell you it's easy - it only looks that way from the outside.

Self-esteem and talking with your partner are both good, but you can throw out pretty much everything you ever learned from a teen show.

Wash, it's fine. I can figure it out. It's casual. Totally super...super cashz.

[Ugh, no, that didn't sounds casual at all. That sounded lame and very obviously like he's covering. He knows Wash can probably see right through this, but he still tries to seem with it and together because...that's what a mature almost-fifteen-year-old would do, right? It'd be all, "hey, I can totally handle this, and just take some time to learn about it on the interwebs, I'll definitely let you know if I have questions."]

[Except he's not almost fifteen, he's still thirteen, even if he's pushing close to fourteen, and this is only his second crush, ever. And everything is super intense all the time because of their situation, like how she let herself get turned into a monster, and saved his mind from yet another traumatic horror, and could've died for him if a cure hadn't been found.]

[So he starts rambling, clearly slightly panicked - way more panicked than he was in his message to Pidge - but somebody's actually asking 'hey, do you know how to handle all this?' when he has no clue.]

Okay, I'm lying, I have no idea what I'm doing, I only had a crush on one other girl, like, ever, and she was way too old for me, and Pidge is kind of almost too old for me because she's - [Not 'two'] - a whole year older, except not because I think this is the first time she's ever liked anybody either? And everything is weirdly super intense because of all the almost-dying all the time, but in a weird way I sort of like that it's all intense, because I like being around her so much because of it? But at the same time I feel like being around her makes my brain start exploding with feelings in a way where I can't even think straight and -

[He finally takes a breath. The kid has some strong lungs on him, but that's no surprise. (They've all heard Mabel scream at the top of her lungs and he's got about the same capabilities.)]

[He declares it with extreme drama.]

I'm like totally in love with her. [Of course he thinks he's in love, this is his first girlfriend and he's barely more than a kid.] Except I can't say that because too soon -- way too soon -- and I don't want to seem creepy or clingy because she deserves her space, and I know it's healthy to not be all super intense about things because I'm not a grown up yet and I know this is hormones probably, and that's what I read on the Teen Talk website, but everything feels all super intense and I have no idea what to do about it or how to keep it from making me do stupid things that make her decide to not like me.

[There. That's probably all of it. He takes a deep breath and lets it out.]

Like I said [The words are glib] it's all chill. I'm chill. Totally chill. Super casual. I know what I'm doing.

Not.

[He slumps over on his couch into a pillow and buries his face.]

[...that sure happened. Wash can't help but grin behind his helmet, because aside from the super intense because of almost dying factor, this sounds a hell of a lot like what he remembers from high school.]

It's almost like you're a teenager.

[Which is all Dipper gets until Wash shows up at his door, helmet off and a pair of sodas in hand.]

Are you good, or do you need another minute to breathe?

[His voice is muffled.]

I'm good. My face isn't leaving this pillow, but I'm good.

We can work around it.

Well, that's a pity. I wasn't planning on drinking both of these sodas myself.

[Given how often Wash tries to get Dipper to drink anything but soda, this is obviously a Gesture. He may currently be repurposing it to act as low key manipulation to get Dipper to sit up, but still: Gesture.]

[Crud. That definitely is a meaningful gesture and he doesn't want to turn down an opportunity to crack open a cold one with ~~the boys~~ Wash, because it always makes him feel like an actual adult, even if it's not beer.]

[He slowly lifts his face from the pillow, eyes narrowed, then sits up, and reaches out a tendril of teke to pull one of the cans into his hand. He pulls the tab, takes a sip, and sighs, looking off into the middle distance.]

I'm in over my head, Wash. [He says it solemnly, with a light shake of his head.] It's not on her, though. She's just...existing. If a guy looks at a sunset and cries because it's just that beautiful, is it the sunset's fault? No. It's the guy's.

I'm that guy. She's got me all mixed up inside, Wash. All mixed up. I guess I just can't handle the sunset.

[...welp.]

[It takes a considerable amount of Wash's self-control to keep his poker face firmly in place and prevent him from laughing. He's here for Dipper, and that's priority number one; that said, he will treasure this memory forever.]

[So instead he just takes a seat next to Dipper and cracks his soda open.]

Dipper, you're fourteen, and this is your - [might as well give him credit] what, second? - relationship. You're talking like you're fifty years old and delivering an Oscar-nominated monologue. It's a good metaphor, but you really need to chill.

And maybe lay off the metaphors for a while. Pidge isn't the sunset, or your moon and stars, or the wind in the fields, or whatever other nature imagery you like - she's a person. The sooner you start thinking of her like that - as a person, just like you - the easier this will be. It's not as magical as the whole sunset thing, but it's a little more stable, and stability lasts longer than magic.

[For a second, his brain goes, "Actually, I'm thirteen" but he stops himself just in time, holy crud. He can't let his guard down and let the truth slip out. He does correct Wash on the other count, though.]

Actually, this is my first relationship. I had a crush on Wendy but she was too old for me, so we just stayed friends.

[It explains a lot, this being the first one.]

And I know she's a person and not a sunset, that's why this is so intense. She's brave and selfless and super determined and hopeful, even during times really dark stuff is going on - during times I'm sometimes totally negative. But she's also stubborn - like ridiculously stubborn sometimes - and sometimes she gets overemotional, occasionally to a degree where I am never telling her that because I like my head staying attached to my body.

[He waves a hand.]

And she's one of my best friends, I already know she's not perfect - just like I'm not perfect - but she's the kind of person that'd let herself get turned into a zombie robot to save me - to save anyone. I know I'm just fourteen but that's why it's really intense. She's only fifteen and look at how amazing she is. She's more amazing and interesting than a lot of adults.

Most teenagers don't deal with this kind of stuff, so most teenagers don't have serious things causing all these feelings. They can't say "I have math class with Mackenzie and I've seen her almost sacrifice herself to save a bus full of puppies and orphans, man she's so cute."

[Hormones and infatuation are playing heavily into this, but there's actual substance here, because he and Pidge are not normal teenagers living normal lives.]

Edited 2017-10-20 08:33 (UTC)

[On one hand, that's a hell of a lot more maturity than Wash was expecting out of Dipper. On the other hand, it's his first relationship and he's still fourteen, and that still has to be influencing a good amount of this.]

[He leans back a little and takes a sip of his soda.]

Yeah, wartime dating is...something else.

[Because really, that's what this is.]

So if you have all that down, what do you want advice on?

[Because Dipper's already covered a lot of what he'd come prepared to say. Might as well fill in the gaps, and Dipper's going to know where those are better than he will.]

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