just a simple question | voice

[ordinarily]

Where are the burgers?

[ This is the voice of a very distressed teenager. Very distressed. ]

I get that it's the space future, but the nurse was lying when she said they don't serve meat. Right?

[ Silence. ]

... Right?

Comments

[thedreamisdead]

Oh, they were pulped in the first place. Sump had them processed pretty heavily to make sure people couldn't get sick off of them. Venom removed, bacteria killed off through heat, very thoroughly cleaned. We've always had strict standards on health and safety. It's just that he shaped them into bars of hair, wine, slug flakes, and things like that.

By the time the Justice Department was done with everything, it was all pretty much protein paste. Nothing for people to have reactions.

[walkingballpit]

[ Robbie is waving in the direction of off camera. ]

Well, appetite, we had a good run. More than two decades is nothing to sneeze at, kid. We'll always have Paris.

[ To the omnicom. ]

If you ever get tired of judging, you have this whole new career in diet coaching.

[thedreamisdead]

Ask yourself where the Legion gets its protein bars sometime.

[legionnpcs]

Insect-based proteins are a barbaric affront to all insectoid-based species. In the UP, most protein sources are plant-based proteins.

[thedreamisdead]

Fair enough.

[She's noted that 'most'.]

[legionnpcs]

The ones that aren't plant-based are mycoproteins cultivated from several species of fungus.

[Enjoy that new knowledge, Legionnaires.]

[thedreamisdead]

I was wondering why some of the menu had that subtle, earthy taste to it!

[whyarewehere]

I really wonder why we're trying to save this world, sometimes.

[walkingballpit]

Nobody believed me about the fungus, but the mess staff actually told me!

[deafleppard]

Okay but why tho

[thedreamisdead]

When you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Molds and fungus have high nutritional value, it's just that most of them are, to put it lightly, not exactly appetizing.

When you're feeding a galaxy of trillions and you refuse to use meat or insects, then you take the protein where you can get it. Just blend it some, mix it in with something flavorful, and you've got a high protein food supplement that's cheap and easy to produce and keeps your citizens fat and happy.

[deafleppard]

Ugh.

UUUUUUUUUGH.


That's how I feel about all this.

[thedreamisdead]

I'll make you a cheeseburger later so you can forget about this.

[deafleppard]

... Deal.

[ordinarily]

... I think my stomach and I hate this entire conversation.

[turntex]

nah not all
trolls kill off all their little troll grub babies they think are too weak or mutated or whatever and make grubloaf and grubsauce and shit out of them

[legionnpcs]

That's monstrous! Just because one insectoid species with un-evolved attitudes believes in eugenics, that doesn't mean it's right for any species to make food out of insect-based lifeforms.

[thedreamisdead]

Even when they're unevolved and the alternative is mass starvation?

Bugs eat other bugs, after all.

[whyarewehere]

...Congratulations, Dave. I think you found the society that's even more barbaric than the one that birthed the triple baconator.

[turntex]

it makes sense that trolls created earth and humanity huh

[whyarewehere]

Speak for your own earth and humanity.

We decided to use fried chicken for buns all by ourselves.