just a simple question | voice

[ordinarily]

Where are the burgers?

[ This is the voice of a very distressed teenager. Very distressed. ]

I get that it's the space future, but the nurse was lying when she said they don't serve meat. Right?

[ Silence. ]

... Right?

Comments

[unrecovered]

[He has to bite back there's no such thing as ghosts, because evidently there are ghosts that aren't just traumatized AI in this kid's reality. What the fuck.]

...the Ghost Zone.

[walkingballpit]

I'm not sure. Every time I think I've added enough hyperbole for a joke to clear any reality hurdles, it winds up being true.

[ordinarily]

Yeah, it sounds weird at first, but apparently the ghosts call it the Ghost Zone too, so.

Figured they'd call it the Ghost World, or the Spirit Realm, or something. But nope, Ghost Zone.

Who knew this was the one thing my dad was right about?

[walkingballpit]

I don't think she knows about comfort food.

[ordinarily]

Oh. Yeah. Good. Wonderful.

Look, just... where are the burgers? I'll go down to Earth for some fast food if I have to. There's no way humans stopped being lazy enough for fast food to disappear.

[ordinarily]

... You know, I was really excited about waking up in the space future.

Not so much anymore.

[ordinarily]

Assuming she'll talk to me.

[unrecovered]

[There's about five different things to take away from this, and Wash is pretty sure he's not going to get any of them without a complete picture.]

[So.]

For context: where I come from, there's no such thing as ghosts. So can you start from the beginning?

[unrecovered]

Can't hurt to try.

[ordinarily]

[ He sighs, because he doesn't really like explaining his parents. But he's... also not back home, where everyone would hate him just because his parents are nuts (who turned out to be right), so... ]

My parents are paranormal researchers. Ghost hunters, basically. They have a lab in the basement with all their ghost-hunting equipment, and one of the things down there is the Ghost Portal.

For a while, everyone thought they were just crazy. I thought they were crzy. Then the portal worked, and ghosts started coming out.

[ Nevermind the fact that it took Danny getting electrocuted to turn the damn thing on. ]

[unrecovered]

You can get a burger from the mess hall - it'll just be vegan.

I wasn't kidding when I said America was pretty much the only way to get real meat around here.

[thedreamisdead]

Steamed munce builds character.

[ordinarily]

You know what? Fine. Vegan burger. Whatever.

I'm just gonna drown it in ketchup and cheese then.

[ordinarily]

Oh I'll somehow find a way to make it hurt.

[unrecovered]

[That makes sense, for a weird B horror movie definition of "sense."]

[Then again, Sarge is evidently some kind of Frankenstein-style surgical mastermind, and Caboose exists. Wash isn't exactly in a position to throw stones.]

Was the town haunted before the portal started working?

[unrecovered]

...I honestly can't tell if that's a joke or a threat.

[unrecovered]

...skip the cheese.

[ordinarily]

Nope.

But it's not the only portal anymore, so.

[ordinarily]

Yes.

[ordinarily]

OH COME ON REALLY???

[unrecovered]

Vegan spacefuture means everything's vegan. The meat is passable. The cheese is not.

[ordinarily]

I now know how Tucker feels.

[unrecovered]

Do I want to know what munce is?

[thedreamisdead]

Plant-based meat substitute. Very high in protein. Smells awful and tastes awful before it's processed, but it's cheaper and easier to grow than sausage trees or hamburger melons.

[unrecovered]

...just try.