[video] It's how she says hello

[volving]

[ Cass is still not sure how she feels about being so far away from home, and the people she knows. True, she'd just moved to Bludhaven back home, but at least she could go visit easily, and call Babs if she needed help. Here, she is on her own.

Well, for now.

She decides to greet her new teammates with a video. She doesn't look like she could be much older than 17 or 18 at the most, and while she has the cowl of her new uniform pushed back so her face is visible, it seems to be all black, and there's the top of a potentially familiar logo on her chest. When she speaks, her voice is soft and her words are slow and deliberate. ]

Hello. I'm Batg--. [ a beat, and she squares her shoulders slightly ] I am Batman.

[ Most likely no one expected to learn that Batman was a small asian teenage girl. ]

Where can I find the... training room?

Comments

video

[turntex]

Just wait 'til you see the anon meme. Or 'til they see you, I guess.

video

[volving]

[ she tilts her head slightly ]

Who are they?

[turntex]

[Shit, this girl knows nothing about the world and wants to be Batman. Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.]

Random strangers on the internet, I don't know. That's kind of the whole point of the "anon" bit. They're all crazy invested in our lives, though.

[volving]

[ It's only a disaster if she cares what the internet thinks of her ]

Why will they care? People don't think Batman was... real.

[turntex]

Signing up to be a hero pretty much equates to agreeing to celebrity status, here. The lives of superheroes are heavily publicized and the general public latches onto that shit like leeches as a distraction from the blandness of their own lives. Say goodbye to your privacy, because you're gonna become the focus of heavy media scrutiny and the subject of a lot of smutty fanfiction.

[He's guessing the latter part, but it seems likely. One, these people will write smut about anything and anyone, and two, she's fairly hot.]

[volving]

[ She has never considered her sexual attractiveness, really, and has no idea that she's fairly hot. Even though she definitely is.

She frowns, clearly not entirely happy, but focuses on the part that confused her ]

What is... smutty fan fiction?

[legionnpcs]

[turntex]

[legionnpcs]

When the Robotican uprising comes, you'll be the first against the wall.

[turntex]

Hot.

[He even lifts his shades just so he can make sure those pretty red eyes are fully visible when he winks.]

[legionnpcs]

Oh no.

I'm not programmed for love.

[turntex]

You don't need love. Just a vibrating attachment.

[The straightest face possible, except for one brow arching up over the rim of his shades.

[volving]

...That is a bear.

I didn't know they could... sit in chairs.

[ WHY IS THIS HERE? WHAT PURPOSE DOES IT SERVE? WHAT MESSAGE DOES IT CONVEY? ]

[legionnpcs]

Bears in chairs always pay attention to others' affairs.

[volving]

[ She is dubious, but unfortunately she can't really... read anything off of him. Being a robot. ]

I... did not know that.

[turntex]

[Dave's eyes are clearly the most expressive part of him. Maybe that's why he wears the shades. He keeps a straight face for the most part, but a little crease forms between his brows, just visible over the brim of his glasses, suggestive of narrowed eyebrows and frowning.]

Jesus. Okay, has anyone given you the normal Talk first? Like, birds and the bees and the miracle of life shit? Gotta know what kind of a knowledge base I'm working with here.

[volving]

[ Cass knows what sex is.

Cass does not know any of these metaphors for having a conversation about sex with a child. ]

...What?

[turntex]

Damn. Okay, lemme get a fuckin' pen and paper, I'm gonna have to make some diagrams.

[Someone please stop him.]

[volving]

[ Now Cass is really confused, but she's not one to turn down learning, so she just says ]

Okay?

... no, this has to end.

[wallsofjericho]

I'm sorry to interrupt, but, if you really don't know what he's talking about, you should think about asking on of the staff in the medical section of Legion World.

[ His hands are quick, and the signs each end abruptly rather than neatly flow into each other. Joe doesn't want to butt in, but he doesn't like the assumption that the girl's ignorant nor the idea of correcting the assumed ignorance with hand drawn diagrams.

He actually thinks the metaphors aren't translating properly. It seems likely. Why do so many people dance around the topic? ]

To be clear, he's referring to sex.

You are a hero, Joey. Truly.

[volving]

[ Realization dawns almost immediately on Cass' face, and she turns only a tiny bit pink from embarrassment that she didn't know any of those metaphors. She's sure she's heard at least one before, in passing, but never in a context that gave her the chance to ask what they meant. ]

OH. I know what... sex is.

thank god

[turntex]

[Dave comes back to his comm with pen and paper in hand, and is disappointed to see that the confusion has already been solved.]

Well, that answers that question.

[He tosses the pen and paper aside unceremoniously.]

Anyway. Smut is a porny story usually without any decent plot to redeem it, and fanfiction is amateur shit people write based on existing fiction and, in this case, superheroes.

[volving]

[ Poor Dave. You can still draw the diagrams if you want, she just isn't as In Need as previously thought. ]

Porny... like-porn, so... about sex? For... [ gestures a little, vaguely ] imagining sex when you're alone. Right?

[ a beat while all those definitions sink in, and she makes a face ] They write sex stories? Without asking?

[wallsofjericho]

[ He feels awful about embarrassing her publicly, but he really does think that being upfront with such topics is the best way to handle it when the alternative is having it diagrammed by a teenager. ]

Okay. Again, I'm sorry to interrupt. You're right though - the story he's reading you isn't typical.

[volving]

It's bad.

[ Not typical is far too kind for this kind of ridiculousness. ]