[video] It's how she says hello

[volving]

[ Cass is still not sure how she feels about being so far away from home, and the people she knows. True, she'd just moved to Bludhaven back home, but at least she could go visit easily, and call Babs if she needed help. Here, she is on her own.

Well, for now.

She decides to greet her new teammates with a video. She doesn't look like she could be much older than 17 or 18 at the most, and while she has the cowl of her new uniform pushed back so her face is visible, it seems to be all black, and there's the top of a potentially familiar logo on her chest. When she speaks, her voice is soft and her words are slow and deliberate. ]

Hello. I'm Batg--. [ a beat, and she squares her shoulders slightly ] I am Batman.

[ Most likely no one expected to learn that Batman was a small asian teenage girl. ]

Where can I find the... training room?

Comments

thank god

[turntex]

[Dave comes back to his comm with pen and paper in hand, and is disappointed to see that the confusion has already been solved.]

Well, that answers that question.

[He tosses the pen and paper aside unceremoniously.]

Anyway. Smut is a porny story usually without any decent plot to redeem it, and fanfiction is amateur shit people write based on existing fiction and, in this case, superheroes.

[volving]

[ Poor Dave. You can still draw the diagrams if you want, she just isn't as In Need as previously thought. ]

Porny... like-porn, so... about sex? For... [ gestures a little, vaguely ] imagining sex when you're alone. Right?

[ a beat while all those definitions sink in, and she makes a face ] They write sex stories? Without asking?

[turntex]

Yep. Check it.

[Helpfully, he links the relevant thread from the last kink meme.]

[legionnpcs]

[No one ever recommends his fanfic on the memes.]

[volving]

[ Maybe you should write smuttier fic then ]

[volving]

...I don't know what this is.

[ WHY ARE PEOPLE SO OBSESSED WITH WRITING THINGS UGH. ]

[turntex]

Did you even try reading anything? It's pretty self-explanatory. If you're still not getting it after that then to be honest I'm not sure what I'd have to do to get the idea across.

[He could try diagrams again.]

[volving]

[ She doesn't like admitting this out loud. Not because it's shameful, exactly - she doesn't really need to read usually if she has the right tools, and that's fine - but because people tend to pity her when she says so, and she doesn't like people pitying her. ]

I can't.

[turntex]

[Just. Scoffing and arching an eyebrow.]

What, did you take a vow of purity or some shit? Why not?

[volving]

[ Huffs, and yeah she's showing her age right now in that little frustrated scowl ]

Read. I can't.

[turntex]

Oh.

[Well.

Now he feels like a bit of an asshole.

His expression is a bit easier to read for a moment there, mouth twisting slightly with something like guilt or embarrassment. He recovers pretty quickly, though, and just shrugs.]

Sorry. I could read it out loud? Make a whole show out of it, I'll do voices for the different characters and everything.

[volving]

[ That little twist of his lips but lack of ~pity~ is enough to mollify Cass' slightly bruised ego, and she covers her mouth with a hand to hide the little grin that flickers across it at his suggestion. ]

Yes.

[turntex]

[Alright, awkwardness averted, hell yeah. And hey, if it makes her laugh, he is absolutely gonna fucking do it. Dave pauses for just a moment to pull up one of the linked fics from the meme.]

Alright, this is titled Leadership Is Hard And So Am I, posted anonymously. Can't imagine why someone wouldn't wanna tie their name to gold like this. Anyway...

[Dave sits up a bit straighter, clears his throat, the whole song and dancer of a guy getting ready to do a proper dramatic reading. He's so fucking ready for this.]

"Y'know," said Freelancer, removing his helmet. "I really admire your leadship skills, Kid Q. You really know how to take charge of a situation."

"Take charge, hm?" Kid Q sauntered over in all her elegant glory, running her eyes over the armored Legionnaire appraisingly. "Is that what you want me to do?"

[He doesn't change his voice much for Freelancer, other than trying to sound a bit more stiff because hey, he knows the guy and he can at least add some extra depth to this characterization. But he tries for a higher pitch for Kid Q, and a seductive tone that he's honestly managing way too well with a straight face given the complete shit he's reading here.]

Freelancer flushed, gulping. "Um, excuse me?"

Smirking slyly, Kid Q leaned in and brushed away a bead of sweat rolling down the man's neck, drawing a shiver out of him. "You're so sweaty. Do I make you nervous?"

"N-no, it's just...hot under that helmet, that's all."

"Oh, I'll bet it's hot." Training her finger down, she tugged on the edge of his chestplate. "C'mon, why don't we get you out of all that heavy armor?"

Freelancer's face only reddened further. "Kid Q--" he began, but she cut him off with a finger still damp with his own sweat pressed to his lips.

"Call me ma'am."

[relativityspeaking]

That's not what my sexy domme voice sounds like.

[Hi Dave. Look who it is. At least she looks more amused by this than anything else?]

[turntex]

[He doesn't even look surprised. She seemed like a good sport to him.]

Fine, then what does it sound like? Take me to fuckin' school and complain to my teachers about how little I seem to be learning. File a formal complaint and watch 'em quake in their sensible shoes 'cause the budget's been tight lately and they sure as hell ain't tenured.

[relativityspeaking]

Uh-uh, the last thing I need is an accurate rec-ficcer out there.

[unrecovered]

That is not how I remember our last debriefing going.

[The lack of high-pitched fit means that Wash, too, is amused by this. Half the fandom already thinks he had a steamy relationship with York, so you know what? Fuck it.]

[legionnpcs]

[Shared debriefings confirmed.

Updating fan circles.]

[unrecovered]

[That is not what debriefing means and you know it.]

[volving]

They have big imagining. [ No, that's the wrong version of that word ] No, imagination.

[unrecovered]

No kidding. If only they used their powers for good.

[relativityspeaking]

Approximately none of our debriefings have gone like that, so I'd be worried if you did.

[volving]

[ Now, Cass doesn't know shitty fic, but she does know horribly unnatural-acting people, and this is just ridiculous.

How can anyone think people act like this?

Her face disappears and all that can be seen is the top of her head as she buries her face in her arms, trying to muffle her laughter. ]

[turntex]

[Dave grins, very satisfied with himself.]

There's more, but I dunno how down you are with completely unrepentantly shitty porn.

[volving]

[ It takes a couple of minutes for her to get laughing under control enough to actually focus enough to speak, a little breathless. ]

People... do not act... like that.