TEXT: Let's Go Camping: The Revenge

[kingtyrantranger]

So guys. I know that a lot of you have had a really rough time lately.

[Because the best way to start this is with a healthy dose of understatement.]

To help everyone relax a bit, and get to know everyone else that might have arrived, I've rented a little campsite for us to use. Some of you might remember the last time I did this, but don't worry. It's gonna be cooler this time around.

Now, a while ago I held a vote on where we should go next. The results were pretty much tied. So, acting as a tiebreaker, I voted on the asteroids that Brainiac 3 used as a base for a while. Unfortunately, while walking around with the owners of the property, someone accidentally triggered a failsafe that the Coluans missed and activated the killer robot factories and a-Hold on, let me check my notes. "A legacy artificial intelligence facsimile of the original Brainiac, usually kept in check by countermeasures Brainiac 3 possessed."

Fortunately for us, the Coluans were pretty quick to pick up on the situation and lend a hand. Unfortunately for our camping trip, we're not going to be able to hang out there until the radiation from the atomic furnaces exploding dies down a little. Which will be in. Well, let's hope we're all home by that time.

So now we're going to the one with the next-biggest number of votes. Option Three: Doctor Futuro's Crime Cabana. Apparently, some time in the late 21st, early 22nd century, this doctor pulled a small planet that was wandering around space into orbit around a distant star, hollowed it out to disguise it, and then began selling it as a hideaway for various criminal gangs. He put in a self-sustaining environment and brought in some outside animals before genetically engineering others to act as a final line of defense. Didn't quite work out as planned, though. He got arrested by this guy named Tommy Tomorrow and the planet basically got set up as a resort after that.

So, important things to know. First, everything's going to be slightly heavier over there. Gravity's 1.2 times Earth's, so that means that you guys should really pace yourselves and make sure not to lift too much when you're there. Or you could just cheat and use flight rings, but whatever. I'm told that swimming's going to be a little harder because the water will be denser due to higher gravity. I don't know how that works, but basically it means that if you want to go diving or swimming underwater, it's going to be a bit more work to displace everything. That said, we should float just fine.

Secondly, it's kind of humid there. We're looking at 80% humidity, so if you're not used to that you need to remember to drink water. It's not that hot, temperatures in the high seventies, but it's better to be safe than sorry. We're here to relax, after all.

Third, there are wild animals around. No bears, Wash. Promise. But if you don't want to deal with them, stay within the marked boundaries. There's a sonic barrier that keeps them out and people with sensitive hearing might hear it. Some of the animals are predators who don't know enough about humans to be scared of them, some of them weigh a bit more than ten tons, and some of them are apparently part robot. No, I don't know how that works. If you do go beyond the marked 'safe' areas, use the Buddy System.

Fourth, don't go into any buildings that seem to be overgrown. Animals tend to sleep in them and one or two of them are apparently 'cyberization factories' designed to create weaponized guardians for the pirates. They're also 'historically significant', so no one's shut them down yet. It's dumb, I know, but just be safe.

Fifth, the world is lit and heated by a sphere of molten metal hanging in the sky. Don't get within a few hundred feet or you'll pass through the heat shields. And, uh. Die.

Sixth, the place is full of mushrooms. Some of them are bigger than houses. Not all of them are really edible. And some of them have been hollowed out, so you might be able to relax in a mushroom house if you wanted. Just keep in mind that animals might be hiding in there too.

Seventh, and most importantly, get some swim trunks made first if you're a guy. Speedos are apparently the 'in' thing for guys in the 31st Century.

Anyway. That's most of the warnings out of the way. I've arranged for most of the food we'll need (including s'mores) and there's running water, so we're pretty good on that front. There's buildings set up for us to sleep in, with bunk beds eve. An actual kitchen and cafeteria if you really want to spend all day inside, but there's a few cooking pits outside too.

We [And by that, he means 'he'.] set up some fun stuff, too. There's a volleyball net, but I guess that with the heavier gravity I should've rethought that. There's also a swimming pool, a maze that got set up for laser tag (can you believe it? They've got laser tag!), an obstacle course, and some other cool stuff to take advantage of. Of course, if you're feeling a bit daring, there's the wilderness. It's kind of a giant rainforest, so be careful. Luckily, we can synch our omnicomms to the beacons, so you shouldn't get too lost in there. There's a pretty neat lake with a waterfall going into it if you want some cooler swimming area. But maybe I should let people find that on their own.

So, yeah! Camping trip, plenty of activities. You in?

Comments

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[jonesiseverywhere]

Dude, this planet sounds so freakin' METAL!
Thanks for doing all the boy scout work, but it seems like you're warning everyone away from all the awesome parts.

Re: Text

[kingtyrantranger]

If I didn't warn everyone, how would they know what parts to immediately head toward?

[jonesiseverywhere]

Ha! You're alright, dude.
Speedo thing's good to know too.

[kingtyrantranger]

Thanks. You too.

Speedos should be a crime.

text

[littlecousin]

I'm in, but no s'mores. :P

[Text]

[kingtyrantranger]

How can you have camping with no s'mores?

[littlecousin]

There was an entire candy zone on that dumb gladiator planet. I never want to see sugar again.

For like a month anyway.

[kingtyrantranger]

Well, I guess that makes sense.

[wherenoonegoes]

I'll have to work out something with Doctor Gym'll for Toothless, otherwise the sonic barrier is going to be just as much trouble for him as it is for all the other large predators with oversensitive hearing.

[kingtyrantranger]

Yeah, sorry about that. I know you guys were looking forward to getting some flying done, but Yellowstone was in third place. Even with Toothless having his own vote.

For what it's worth, I'm told that it's not bad unless you get close to the borders? So he won't have to wear earmuffs the entire time.

Text

[notthatjason]

I wouldn't mind getting to know people without having to worry about getting murdered in the process of it. Or at least a smaller chance of getting killed I guess.

Count me in.

Re: Text

[kingtyrantranger]

Yeah, I find that not being in danger of dying works as a fantastic social lubricant.

Text

[notthatjason]

Although you get a lot of bonding going on when you're fighting for your life, but it's not exactly the fun kind.

Text

[kingtyrantranger]

Nothing breeds familiarity like trying not to die, I guess.

[audio]

[good_bamf_ugly]

Those'r some unique warnings for a planet, but if there's no missions going on I don't see the harm in it.

Ain't gonna' be any easy wins if you let me play laser tag though. Fair warning.

[audio]

[kingtyrantranger]

Hey, could be worse. One of the warnings for the other place was "Don't jump too hard or you'll fly out into space." That would've been something.

Talk like that will end with everyone ganging up on you, man.

[good_bamf_ugly]

A warning like that makes it sound more like a challenge. But hey, flying through the air is a novelty granted by tiny little magic rings now, right?

I've had worse. Bet you ten dollars and a beer you'd be beggin' to have me on your team, kid.

Audio

[unrecovered]

That sounds like a challenge.

[good_bamf_ugly]

Sounds like you got an ear for it. Why not make a friendly wager, stranger?

video;

[deafleppard]

Seven warnings.

We got seven total warnings about this place and you still wanna go camping there?

[Audio] because he's not good with video

[kingtyrantranger]

Our other options are radioactive or Yellowstone.

The list of warnings for Yellowstone is longer than my arm.

[audio] fair enough!

[deafleppard]

Wait, really?

video;

[fuckaccuracy]

Honestly? I like the first planet better.

[Audio] one day, maybe he'll be used to it

[kingtyrantranger]

I think I like waking up without a second head.

[Audio]

[fuckaccuracy]

Oh come on! It probably won't even grow until a couple of years.