Video

[goddamngrenades]

[ The feed flicks on to show York, smiling in the mess with a mug of coffee in hand and Delta hovering over his left shoulder in all his six inch green glory. ]

Good Morning, beautiful people- it's another serene day on Legion World and I'm here to offer a little Legion wide challenge, bet, wager, whatever you wanna call it, I'm offering one.

My name is Locksmith and anyone that can encrypt a file, secure a room, or seal up a safe that I can't crack? Gets me as an errand boy for a full twenty four hours. And, you know. Bragging rights. Get to rub it in my face that Delta and I couldn't hack or pick whatever lock you've got set up.

[ He pauses to take a sip, setting the mug down for a moment of seriousness, hands lacing in front of him on the table, shoulders lifting and dropping in a brief shrug. ]

Now, some ground rules- it's gotta be a lock. No setting a two ton weight in front of a door and watching me sprain something trying to push it out of the way. I get a time limit I set when I see whatever you've got locked or encrypted, I'll tell you and I'll stick to it, anywhere from half an hour to three depending on whatever you've whipped up. Lastly: If I end up your errand boy no humiliating costumes. Been there, done that, I am not cute in a french maid outfit, ok? Ok.

[ Here Delta pipes up, offering helpfully: ] Amusing hats and signs of shame are, however, exempt from the 'humiliating costume' clause.

[ York turns his head to squint at Delta. ] Seriously?

Further incentive for participation, and for us not to fail. I am attempting to assist in your motivation.

Well, thanks for that.

So if you feel up to the challenge? Drop a line here or find me in the mess, I'll be the guy talking to a green hologram, drinking coffee.

Comments

[unrecovered]

Okay, that was the story I should've told the anon meme. I knew I was forgetting something.

[goddamngrenades]

Fishnets and all. Ugh. The heels were a bit much but North was real goddamn specific.

[video]

[isthisapidge]

Give me a few hours, I bet I can whip something up.

Soooo...are dog cones out of the question?

[unrecovered]

If you can build something that York can't get through and get him in a cone of shame, you get to skip hand to hand training for a week.

[Because Wash evidently needs these particular blackmail photos in his life, and added incentive is a good way to go about it.]

[goddamngrenades]

I thought you were on my side, man.

[ No he didn't ]

[video]

[goddamngrenades]

It's not a hat or a sign, so yeah. I'm not putting on a cone of shame.

[video]

[isthisapidge]

Sorry, looks like Wash already made me an offer I can't refuse.

You're not breaking my lock and you're wearing a cone.

[video]

[goddamngrenades]

I crack it, you get hand to hand with me for a week. Deal?

[unrecovered]

To be clear: that's on top of regular sessions with me. And I'll be there for your sessions too.

[Someone is keeping an eye on his student's progress, and also doesn't trust Pidge not to he said/she said re: what's been covered in training. She's too clever by half sometimes.]

[isthisapidge]

Waaaaait, what's the difference between training with the two of you?

[She's not making that deal until she's sure of all the details.]

[goddamngrenades]

Different approaches and skillsets. I'm also more of a hardass.

[walkingballpit]

Alternative idea: we let my cat chase your little glowy dude.

[goddamngrenades]

I am not a cat toy.

Rude, man. Delta's a highly sophisticated and classified military AI and my friend. Not a talking laser pointer.

[walkingballpit]

Shhh, it's okay, boys. We all do it. I use my power to hit the light switch from bed. I know people who never have to get up to get the remote, who can heat up your pizza with a glance.

You don't have to be all - [ He adopts a stern, Nixon-esque voice. ] - highly sophisticated military AI. Unclench a little. You might like it.

[goddamngrenades]

...Am I unclenching or is D unclenching cuz me, I'm never clenched. D- well he's sort of. Um.

Please do not speculate as to my 'clenched' or 'unclenched' status, York.

Well there's your answer anyway.

[walkingballpit]

Your mini-mi is absolutely clenched. You should get that stick looked at, D.

Or play with a cat. That helps.

[goddamngrenades]

Where'd you even get a cat? Is there some sort of space future pet store?

[walkingballpit]

[ Attached is a map of Legion World. Brainy's lab is labelled "Space Future Pet Store." ]

text

[steelandtemper]

Offer still open?

[Text so no one hears the evil glee in her voice.]

Text

[goddamngrenades]

[ Oooh, ominous. ]

Please. No one's given me anything challenging just yet.

text (1/2)

[steelandtemper]

Be right with you, then.

(2/2)

[steelandtemper]

[About 15 minutes later:]

Accept file 'Agincourt'? Y/N

[The Duke of York was killed at Agincourt. Yes, she thinks she's hilarious, tyvm.]

You can have four hours.

[The encryption's like an onion: you keep peeling, and keep finding layers. And you keep crying. Mostly, she wants to see how deep they can get.]

[goddamngrenades]

Hey, rules are I set the time limit and I won't need more than three.

[ But okay, Four it is. D clicks on the counter after they accept the file and-

Oh. Hello beautiful. Now this is what he'd been hoping to get thrown. Something complex, something with layers and layers and layers. They click and spin and an hour in it's harder and harder to crack through each layer and he's enraptured. Delta's flying high because it's hard. It's fucking punishing.

Two hours in and he honestly does want to cry, Delta's having a hard time keeping up but they take five minutes to the second, to look away, breathe, and eat something. Then it's right back to it, not even paying attention to the clock because that doesn't matter anymore. The bet doesn't matter anymore. Solving this? That does.

Of course when the buzzer goes off Delta's fading and he's got a migraine but goddamn. He shoots a text back as soon as he can. ]

Looks like I'm all yours for a day, mystery person. Please say you're single cuz I kinda wanna marry you.

video

[steelandtemper]

[Well, now that she no longer needs to lull him into a false sense of security...she generates video that makes it appear that she's projecting her hologram above her chip on a table somewhere, even though she's currently riding with the Chief. It's an interesting exercise.]

Sorry, soldier. I'm married to my job.

Video

[goddamngrenades]

Hot damn. [ Delta flickers into being over York's left shoulder, drooping from his usual military precise posture and York himself looks five kinds of wrecked. ] You are the genuine article, aren't you? Have to be. I mean- the layering on that thing? You had to be either some kinda UNSC scientist or a Smart AI. Which means I owe D a favor as well. My money was on scientist. His was on AI.

[ Delta gives a weary little wave. ]

Hello.