Video

[goddamngrenades]

[ The feed flicks on to show York, smiling in the mess with a mug of coffee in hand and Delta hovering over his left shoulder in all his six inch green glory. ]

Good Morning, beautiful people- it's another serene day on Legion World and I'm here to offer a little Legion wide challenge, bet, wager, whatever you wanna call it, I'm offering one.

My name is Locksmith and anyone that can encrypt a file, secure a room, or seal up a safe that I can't crack? Gets me as an errand boy for a full twenty four hours. And, you know. Bragging rights. Get to rub it in my face that Delta and I couldn't hack or pick whatever lock you've got set up.

[ He pauses to take a sip, setting the mug down for a moment of seriousness, hands lacing in front of him on the table, shoulders lifting and dropping in a brief shrug. ]

Now, some ground rules- it's gotta be a lock. No setting a two ton weight in front of a door and watching me sprain something trying to push it out of the way. I get a time limit I set when I see whatever you've got locked or encrypted, I'll tell you and I'll stick to it, anywhere from half an hour to three depending on whatever you've whipped up. Lastly: If I end up your errand boy no humiliating costumes. Been there, done that, I am not cute in a french maid outfit, ok? Ok.

[ Here Delta pipes up, offering helpfully: ] Amusing hats and signs of shame are, however, exempt from the 'humiliating costume' clause.

[ York turns his head to squint at Delta. ] Seriously?

Further incentive for participation, and for us not to fail. I am attempting to assist in your motivation.

Well, thanks for that.

So if you feel up to the challenge? Drop a line here or find me in the mess, I'll be the guy talking to a green hologram, drinking coffee.

Comments

[walkingballpit]

Shhh, it's okay, boys. We all do it. I use my power to hit the light switch from bed. I know people who never have to get up to get the remote, who can heat up your pizza with a glance.

You don't have to be all - [ He adopts a stern, Nixon-esque voice. ] - highly sophisticated military AI. Unclench a little. You might like it.

[goddamngrenades]

...Am I unclenching or is D unclenching cuz me, I'm never clenched. D- well he's sort of. Um.

Please do not speculate as to my 'clenched' or 'unclenched' status, York.

Well there's your answer anyway.

[walkingballpit]

Your mini-mi is absolutely clenched. You should get that stick looked at, D.

Or play with a cat. That helps.

[goddamngrenades]

Where'd you even get a cat? Is there some sort of space future pet store?

[walkingballpit]

[ Attached is a map of Legion World. Brainy's lab is labelled "Space Future Pet Store." ]

[goddamngrenades]

I have the feeling you're fucking with me. At the same time- I don't really care.

[walkingballpit]

I have the feeling we're going to get along fine.

[goddamngrenades]

Damn straight. What's your name, slick?

[walkingballpit]

It's Rob. Or Robbie. And you're York, and you passed up the opportunity to name your little guy Shire.

[goddamngrenades]

New York, not Yorkshire. I'm all American.

[walkingballpit]

Connecticut's cooler.

[ He's lived in New York for years, but York stepped on his joke, so Robbie has to give him a hard time now. ]

Who names their kid New York? I'm thinking... eastern Missouri liberals.

[goddamngrenades]

Never been, couldn't say. [ Honestly. ]

It's a callsign, not a name.

[walkingballpit]

Right. Because New York loves to pretend he doesn't know Connecticut.

It's not any less weird as a codename.

[goddamngrenades]

I didn't pick it. I would've picked something cooler like, say Locksmith or whatever. The Program wasn't all that creative.

[walkingballpit]

[ Robbie's face rubbers its way through several different emotions at "The Program." Confusion, because he's never heard the Legion of Super Heroes referred to that way before. The realization that it's most likely not the Legion. Curiosity - Robbie knows a couple of places that get referred to that obscurely, and they're very hush-hush.

But they're secret for a reason, and the reason usually isn't fun. Robbie slips on a half-smile and picks up the banter again without missing a verbal beat. ]

Somebody beat you to it, Locksley. At least, they did in my U. I'm not sure about this one - which reminds me.

[ Utter BS, this was the point of the rambling. ]

You can pick whatever you want to be called here, brah.

[goddamngrenades]

[ Now that's a reaction. Delta makes a note of it and York buys a moment via sipping his coffee and giving them both a little time to compose themselves. ]

Locksley- like Robin of? Am I gonna keep getting English shit from now on cuz- [ A bullshit English asshole shot him and he'd really rather not- ] that'll get old real fast, bruh.

[ Unironic use of the word 'brah'. What is this world even. ]

[walkingballpit]

[ Thanks. Robbie will pretend that York's not pretending to have not noticed. La la la. ]

Nah. You got the York and Shire thing because it worked, as far as I knew. Besides, he's tiny, and I read the Hobbit when I was 10. If I can't make myself laugh, what's the point in life?

And Locksley - you try coming up with riffs on the word Locksmith without any prep. It's a work in progress.

[goddamngrenades]

You'll have plenty of time, we're not going anywhere.

[ Until they save the known multiverse or whatever, he's sticking it out. ]

Kinda look forward to it, usually I'm the one handing out riffs of names. It's strange to be on the other side.

[walkingballpit]

I'm waiting on the edge of my seat for my new nickname, then.

[ Hey, new nicknames are exciting, particularly when the old one makes him feel so young. ]

You must hang out with a dull crowd. I think all my friends had a go with nicknaming. We basically round-robined it.

[goddamngrenades]

Gimme some time. It has to be a good one.

[ Funny and creative and inoffensive. Cuz he's trying to not be a jackass this time around. ]

Kinda hard to do nicknames when you're not sure what their real names are and you're all states, so I'm a little rusty. I'll catch up.

[walkingballpit]

I think that's when you swap to the embarrassing incident nickname. Don't call anybody T.P. Wad, but Trip Antorepants is fair.

[goddamngrenades]

Okay that's pretty damn clever. Guess I'm gonna haveta keep my hear to the ground for anything funny, what a shame. [ Best hobby EVER, actually, and you can hear it in his laugh. ]

[walkingballpit]

[ Oh, completely the best hobby ever. ]

Good thing superheroes don't gossip.

[ They do, all the time. He knows it, and he knows his tone shows it. It's supposed to, and his half smile's so big it might as well be the real thing. ]

[goddamngrenades]

Yeah, that'd be terrible.

[ Superheroes are like soldiers but with less regs (or more, depending) and better senses of fashion and humor. He'll poke around till he's got something on Barry to make for good material. ]