Video

[goddamngrenades]

[ The feed flicks on to show York, smiling in the mess with a mug of coffee in hand and Delta hovering over his left shoulder in all his six inch green glory. ]

Good Morning, beautiful people- it's another serene day on Legion World and I'm here to offer a little Legion wide challenge, bet, wager, whatever you wanna call it, I'm offering one.

My name is Locksmith and anyone that can encrypt a file, secure a room, or seal up a safe that I can't crack? Gets me as an errand boy for a full twenty four hours. And, you know. Bragging rights. Get to rub it in my face that Delta and I couldn't hack or pick whatever lock you've got set up.

[ He pauses to take a sip, setting the mug down for a moment of seriousness, hands lacing in front of him on the table, shoulders lifting and dropping in a brief shrug. ]

Now, some ground rules- it's gotta be a lock. No setting a two ton weight in front of a door and watching me sprain something trying to push it out of the way. I get a time limit I set when I see whatever you've got locked or encrypted, I'll tell you and I'll stick to it, anywhere from half an hour to three depending on whatever you've whipped up. Lastly: If I end up your errand boy no humiliating costumes. Been there, done that, I am not cute in a french maid outfit, ok? Ok.

[ Here Delta pipes up, offering helpfully: ] Amusing hats and signs of shame are, however, exempt from the 'humiliating costume' clause.

[ York turns his head to squint at Delta. ] Seriously?

Further incentive for participation, and for us not to fail. I am attempting to assist in your motivation.

Well, thanks for that.

So if you feel up to the challenge? Drop a line here or find me in the mess, I'll be the guy talking to a green hologram, drinking coffee.

Comments

Video

[steelandtemper]

[Little of both, really...]

UNSC AI CTN 0452-9. My friends call me Cortana.

[Everyone calls you Cortana, Cortana.]

You two did better than I thought you would.

[Given it's Cortana talking, that's a genuine compliment. Someone who doesn't know her could be forgiven for not realizing it.]

Video

[goddamngrenades]

...That sounds vaguely familiar.

[ Nothing he or Delta can honestly place, more like the echo of something overheard forever ago, but that doesn't sound right for either of them. ]

Well you saw the broadcast so I'm York, this is Delta and- yeah most people don't think I know what the hell I'm doing with code. So. No surprise there. But if we were gonna grade things- how'd we do?

Video

[steelandtemper]

[Apparently a version of the Chief exists in their universe, so it stands to reason she would, too. She didn't think her name was really out there, though. Hmm.]

Give me a little credit. Incompetents don't get their own personal AIs.

[She nods at Delta. Hello, small green mystery.]

Life is pass/fail, Agent York. But you passed.

Video

[goddamngrenades]

Nah, but people that need help in the field- [ He flicks his fingers to the eye, the scar, his smirk wide and crooked. ] Kinda get help where they can. Most people think D does all the heavy lifting when it's more 60/40.

Could you explain how you formulated that particular encryption? It was a fascinating challenge.

Video

[steelandtemper]

"Heavy lifting" is what the human half of the partnership is for.

[On account of AIs having no physical form and all that. Gosh she's funny.

She's also offering a file discussing encryption methodologies to Delta, because explaining at human speeds will take forever.]

Video

[goddamngrenades]

Are you absolutely sure you're married to the job because- [ That mind, that humor? Damn. He chuffs a soft laugh, feeling Delta practically light up with that information. ] And now you've gone and spoiled my partner.

Video

[steelandtemper]

Hey, buttering up the only one here who can have a conversation at a respectable speed is just sensible.

[Also, she wants to get to the bottom of what Delta is, exactly. Too much personality for a dumb AI, not enough for a smart one.]

And yes, I'm sure.

[Plenty of UNSC personnel flirt with the AI. None of them mean it. This is weird.]

Video

[goddamngrenades]

Hey, I can keep up. You wanna ride in my implant- [ a beat. ] Okay that sounded worse than it did in my head.

[ Almost dirty, even. Whoops. ]

I can verify that York has an incredibly adept mind.

Thanks for the vote of confidence D.

Video

[steelandtemper]

I doubt I'd fit.

[100% flawless deadpan.

She learned by watching the Master Chief.]

Video

[goddamngrenades]

I'm not packing the usual rig, I think there's space for you.

[ Heart eyes? Heart eyes. Meanwhile Delta sighs from where he hovers. ]

[unrecovered]

[Wash has popcorn. He went all the way to the mess hall to get popcorn with shitty vegan butter, just for the look he wants to give on this video.]

Okay, as entertaining as this has been, and as desperate as I know you are, you need to stop.

[What the fuck, York.]

[goddamngrenades]

Wash, shut up, I'm having a moment of appreciation here.

[ Seriously, dick move bro. ]

She is a fine lady with an incredible mind. Did you see what she sent me? Seriously.

[unrecovered]

Pretty sure she's not available.

Also, she's an AI.

[The guy who had a complete mental break is currently your reality check. Something is stunningly wrong with this situation.]

Though you're giving the fans that ship you and Delta a good reason reason to do it.

[goddamngrenades]

Just means she's a digital person rather than physical. And we can be friends, right? Stop trying to rain on my parade, seriously. Hurricane Wash incoming.

[ He rolls his eyes and slumps back, sipping his coffee. ]

Seriously. This is next level stuff.

Video

[steelandtemper]

I've already got a ride, Agent York. I think you've met him. Sierra-117.

[Note to self: tell Chief how much you appreciate him. Deal with resulting confusion.]

[unrecovered]

[S-117- wait. Wait]

You're partnered with Chief?

[steelandtemper]

[Went to Spartans R Us and picked him out herself.]

Someone has to keep him alive.

[unrecovered]

["Somebody decided I was worth dying for once, Wash. I never want someone to make her choice again."]

[It could be-]

[No. Jumping to conclusions isn't going to help anyone, and that's one hell of a leap right now. Wash isn't about to ask.]

Well, thanks. He's been spending a lot of time here keeping the rest of us alive - I guess I have you to thank for that.

Video

[goddamngrenades]

...I. Um.


Hot damn. Could you maybe not tell him I wanna marry you cuz that could get awkward real fast.

[unrecovered]

[Wash doesn't say a damn thing; he just eats popcorn. Through his helmet.]

Video

[steelandtemper]

Well, okay, but only because I like Delta.

[Relax, all he'd do is loom.]

Re: Video

[goddamngrenades]

He is a fan of yours as well. [ Enough that his eye goes a little green and his mannerisms shift ever so slightly. Just a touch of D in them. ] Seriously, he might be the head of the we heart cortana club. I'm a close second.

Video

[prettycoolguy]

Noted.

[ Someone's finally noticed these shenanigans. His tone does nothing to convey that this is actually pretty funny to him. ]

Video

[steelandtemper]

Oops.

[Totally unrepentant.]

Video

[goddamngrenades]

Hail to the chief. [ Smile and salute, here. ] You got a hell of a partner.