World's Okayest Dad | Video

[lovernotafighter]

[Tucker looked...well, it was hard to tell because his helmet's on, but there was something annoyed in his movements. Behind him was a room that seemed mostly barren and militaristic aside from the tossed about mess, a room that might seem familiar to his Chorus friends really, and the camera shook a little as he plucked something off a wall. It was turned over in his hand before he pointed it at the camera. A photograph, one with five human kids holding basketballs, and one that's...a little different.]

Since someone brought it up and now we're talking about it, yeah, I've got a kid. His name is Junior and he's amazing and I'm super freakin' proud of him. He can kick anyone's ass in basketball, is a freaking diplomat and on a scholarship, he knows at least ten different words for "dick", and he hasn't bitten a person in at least three months. He got a ribbon at school for that one.

[He pulled the picture back and put it on the wall again; there was one in his wallet, too. He was, in some few and far between ways, like every other dad out there, just with better jokes.]

He's the best goddamn thing about being a Chosen One. [There was a momentary pause, because--]...Okay, so maybe he's tied with the sword.

Don't ask specifics. Just know that childbirth sucks, I don't want to talk about that, but I'll tell you how damn amazing my son is if you want to listen. And I know I'm not the only one with weird families, so come on and spill it.

Comments

run away

[lovernotafighter]

Um...

[There's a long pause, before-]

Did Felix?

[What? He had the sword for awhile!]

[agnominal]

No.

[lovernotafighter]

Thank fucking God. Alien and Felix? Felix raising anything?

...Who am I kidding? He would have killed it the second it was out.

[agnominal]

Entirely likely.

[lovernotafighter]

Yeah, let's just forget about that potential horror show, okay?

[agnominal]

Already forgotten.

The trials the sword had provided before I arrived her were...far less involved than giving birth to a hybrid.

[lovernotafighter]

[A hybrid. He almost corrected him, but let it go; this wasn't a semantics fight he wanted to get into with Locus, of all people.]

What did you have to do?

[What? He was curious on what he missed out on.]

[agnominal]

You don't know? You've had your sword far longer than I.

[ He didn't really look into what was entailed? Granted, that's not entirely a surprise, but still.

Really, Tucker? ]

[lovernotafighter]

...Well, been kinda busy since at least one of us had a kid. Wasn't exactly running off and finding shit to do because everything kept coming to me. Even the aliens in the desert didn't exactly give me maps or lists or anything.

[Sorry he was busy saving planets from you guys, Locus. And then being retired. So much retirement.

The fact of the matter was, he didn't know where to start. Or how to start. Or what starting looked like. Being a level one lovable rogue wasn't so bad, right?]

[agnominal]

Hm.

[ That's reasonable as answers go, actually. ]

There is a path to take, similar to the religious pilgrims on Earth. As you prove yourself worthy, more tools are made available to you.

[lovernotafighter]

[Kinda surprised a reasonable answer would come from him, huh?]

Fuck, sounds like work. Is it worth it? I mean, I already have a sword; how good can it get?

[agnominal]

I don't know.

I am not taking the journey for what tools it can provide.

[ Pause. ]

Though I will not refuse them. I am not in a position to.

[lovernotafighter]

Why are you taking it? Isn't that the whole point?

[Redemption quests? Psssh, what's that?]

[agnominal]

It is a test. Only a true warrior should carry such a weapon.

I have failed to meet that standard for quite some time. I intend to correct that.

[lovernotafighter]

...so, since I'm already a true warrior, I don't need to do all the extra. Cool. Thanks for the validation, Locus.

[And sometimes, Tucker hears only what he wants to hear.]

[agnominal]

That is your choice to make.