[Video]

[calibrates_big_guns]

Is the anon meme always this ... [He trails off, swirling the half-empty highball of something alcoholic in his hand as he searches for the right word. He settles on:] Colorful?

[He chuckles, scrolling down the page. Facially, he's not the easiest guy to read, but everything here just screams amusement.]

Comments

[video]

[calibrates_big_guns]

I never mentioned the aphrodesiac gland sitting under my tongue?

[He shrugs.]

Hmm, must have slipped my mind.

[video]

[thebioticwoman]

I also didn't know you had to defeat the other males in your age cohort to win a mate. You guys are hiding that well, as a civilization.

[video]

[calibrates_big_guns]

What did you think the sparring rings on turian ships were for?

[Come on, Shepard, keep up.]

[video]

[thebioticwoman]

Oh, of course. I hope the Normandy wasn't too much of a let-down on that front.

[video]

[calibrates_big_guns]

The lack of competition made things a little dull, but it was nice being the uncontested alpha--

[He starts laughing. You knew his poker face was going to crack eventually.]

Damn it. [He shakes his head.] Almost kept it together.

[video]

[thebioticwoman]

[Uncontested? Wrex woulda flattened you, buddy.]

You'll never win a real dominance contest if you can't even have a simple conversation without laughing, Garrus.

[Now she's laughing, too.]

[video]

[calibrates_big_guns]

[He likes to think he'd have a chance, but probably.]

Maybe it's for the best that this is all bullshit, then.

[Hysterically entertaining bullshit.]

[video]

[thebioticwoman]

The fans must never know. They'd be devastated.

[Or not, but she's not reading any of the fics that don't sound hilarious.]

[video]

[calibrates_big_guns]

Oh no, I'm letting this run it's course.

[Because this is the most fun he's had all week.]

[video]

[thebioticwoman]

If people start asking you to autograph body parts that would earn them an indecent exposure arrest, I'm not saving you.

[Real friends laugh at each other's pain.]

[video]

[calibrates_big_guns]

I'll live.

[Somehow. Awkwardly, probably. It'll be worth laughing at.]

Still wrapping my head around the fact that it's a possibility.

[video]

[thebioticwoman]

Seeing that will be my revenge for all the snickering into your hand you did about Conrad.

[video]

[calibrates_big_guns]

Don't forget the bootleg VI.

[video]

[thebioticwoman]

I don't sound like that.

[...Right?]

[video]

[calibrates_big_guns]

I didn't say that it was a perfect recreation.

[They got the voice right, but the rest of it? It's only real value was comedic - seeing her bristle at the mention of it.]

[video]

[thebioticwoman]

You just wait until the locals do it to you.

[She's gonna buy 50 copies of the Garrus virtual spouse and hand them out to everyone.]

[video]

[calibrates_big_guns]

Somehow, I don't think it'd be a big seller. Too much awkward tripping all over itself to ever really get much done with it.

[Shepard, half of everything the man says is a self-deprecating joke. If you want to embarrass him, you're going to need to dig deeper.]

[video]

[thebioticwoman]

If this evening's reading is any indication, it'll yell at anything it can identify as male and be confused when anything female isn't instantly overcome with lust.

[Fanfic Garrus is basically a krogan.]

[video]

[calibrates_big_guns]

... well, now i'm just stuck with the hope that no one on those forums is particularly good at coding.

[And the odds of that are slim to none, given his luck.]

[video]

[thebioticwoman]

It's not really what you want in a personal assistant, no.