[video] A Very Special Unbirthday

[googledox]

[Brainiac has been a little distant lately, beyond staying on top of his usual Legionnaire duties. Now that the UP is no longer treating him like a pariah there’s been a greater call for him to get involved in solving certain problems for the UP. It’s the way things used to be in the past, before a chunk of the Legion went missing. His role as problem-solver had often extended far beyond his role in the Legion.]

[In the past, he’d faced such requests with quiet diligence, but after his treatment by the UP public, now he’s been reluctant. He still does the work, because what he said to the Legion of Supervillains holds true. He refuses to let his annoyance or hurt feelings influence whether he does the right thing or not, whether he acts the way a Legionnaire should.]

[But Saturn Queen making him feel the hate millions of sentients had held for him makes it difficult to care.]

[It’s even more difficult since people in the UP keep heaping on the praise over every little thing, to assuage their guilt. Just last week he single-handedly rescued an entire science conference from tech pirates and the UP Council tried to give him a medal. He declined, naturally.]

[So today is a rare day of him actually being pleased -- albeit also faintly embarrassed -- about being rewarded with something. When he shows up on the comms, he’s unwrapping a gift. Other gifts are piled all over the lab tables and in massive heaps on the floors. Invisible Kid and Babbage are in the background helping to sort them.]

As all of you can see, I’m currently drowning in gift items, so if any of you think you might be interested in any of them, you’re welcome to take whatever you please. I can’t possibly make use of them all and I’d prefer that as few of them went to waste as possible.

[He face tinges slightly darker green.]

Despite all my efforts to convince them of the contrary, the Roboticans consider my birthday to be a planetary holiday. They call it “Maker’s Day.”

[He pulls out yet another “Galaxy’s Best Dad” mug, and puts it in a cabinet with several others to work it into his mug rotation. While he’s embarrassed, he’s also clearly pleased. The insincere, guilt-induced appreciation of much of the UP pales in comparison to the genuine care and appreciation of the species he created.]

They’re not all mugs, so some of you might find some of them useful or amusing.

[ooc: Despite starting so innocuous, shit's going to get real in this post, and lead to catastrophic events for Legion World and the UP that kick off both the "Resistance Is Futile" and "An Eye For An Eye" plots. OOC posts for both plots will go up shortly, after a few things are revealed. If you'd like to opt out of both plots, there will be opt-outs. In that case, we recommend not having your character comment to this post.]

Comments

[whyarewehere]

[ Grif grins. It's both because he's joking, and because it's honestly sort of cute to watch this. Brainy may be a weird dude, but he's a good friend and it's nice to see him relaxed for once. ]

Sorry dude, I'm not anybody's number one dad.

[googledox]

[Brainy reaches out of the view of the lab commscreen and then holds up a box of some kind of very expensive and very delicious-looking snack cakes.]

I suppose that means you won't want any of these. Or any of the piles and piles of various confections I'll never get around to eating.

[whyarewehere]

Oh. Well that's different.

[ Grif has exactly zero shame about food, he's eaten cookies the fans baked with ship names on them. He's even eaten other people's cookies the fans baked with ship names on them. ]

I suppose I can take a few of those off your hands.

[ As an act of generosity. ]

[googledox]

How generous of you.

[But he smiles.]

You may want to bring a gravlift. I've already unpacked quite a few boxes.

[isthisapidge]

[The Best Dad mug sets off a chain reaction in Pidge's head that leads her to believe that Father's Day might be...a little difficult this year. It might help to be able to give her dad something relatively normal when she sees him again.

Or it might just make her feel better, but that's still something.]

Actually, I might take a look at what you have, and, well...

...OK, I have to ask: Do they treat you like a god or just a father? I mean, I know a lot of religions make them sort of the same thing, but I've never heard of a dad mug as a religious offering.

[googledox]

[Brainy thinks about it and very eloquently makes a fifty-fifty gesture with his hand.]

They treated me like a god at first, and it was impossible to talk them out of it completely. Trust me, I tried. Even when I insisted that I was a highly flawed and fallible being, that they were in fact superior to organics, they said it didn't matter.

[He thinks back to one of his conversations with some of the Robotican religious leaders.]

They said that they know I'm flawed and fallible and they forgive me for those flaws.

[It's a strange relationship. Most religions involve believers hoping their deity will forgive them for being flawed, they don't typically involve believers forgiving their god for occasionally fucking up.]

They said they liked having a creator that wasn't an immaterial being looking down on them from on high. That it was an honor to have a creator that was -- [He hesitates a little but decides to say it since it's what they'd said] -- was just a man but at least was a good man.

[He looks a little awkward but tries to move past it.]

The best I could do was renegotiate the terms, to convince them to treat me more like a father figure than a deity. Most of them find this condition acceptable.

[legionnpcs]

It's much harder to argue against the existence of gods as a whole when the team once fought them. And Thunder's whole existence.

Did the older Legionnaires ever mention the time they beat up the god of all evil?

[unrecovered]

[This is about as adorable as Brainy gets, and it's kind of amazing.]

I don't know many people who spend their birthday giving other people gifts.

That said, I'll take the biggest mug you're not using - DC loves them, and I might as well get him one he can fit in.

[googledox]

[Brainy rustles around offscreen, digging through wrapping paper and comes back with a mug that is...very, very large.]

Will this do? I think it's for soup.

[whyarewehere]

Wash, if you let anyone see you with that thing you know our stalkers are gonna lose their shit, right?

[headinjuries]

Maybe we should just let everyone get seen with a dad mug.

Like, girls too.

[ Sam is blissfully unaware of some of the more out there genres of fanfiction, or else he'd know better than to say this. ]

[walkingballpit]

Prime world problems?

[ That is seriously a lot of mugs, even if they're not ALL mugs. Some of the wrap jobs have clearly defined handles. ]

What if you broke them all and made them into a mosaic? You'd use them all that way. A science mosaic.

[googledox]

[He smirks.]

I'm not exactly what you would call artistically inclined.

[walkingballpit]

Cause making a diagram of chemical compounds would take artistic skill. Got it.

[pump_action]

Well, there are certainly worse misconceptions to be made.

I'm interested to hear what else you've got.

[googledox]

Countless digital organizers that I can't use since I typically use my omnicom, multiple pairs of slippers, quite a few boxes of chocolates and other confections, wine and a variety of other spirits -- both synthehol and alcohol -- in various flavors and vintages...

If it's potentially acceptable as a gift, it's probably in here.

[pump_action]

[Is it Christmas? Because this sounds like Christmas.]

I guess I'll bring a box.

[steelandtemper]

Happy birthday.

[Cortana likes Brainy, so she's being entirely sincere for once.

She's wearing her body at the moment and drinking out of a mug that she might have come by honestly rather than stealing from his cupboards before being invited to do so. It sports a complicated thermodynamics equation printed in temperature-sensitive ink that changes but stays balanced when hot liquid is poured in. It's insanely clever, if you can understand a 10-line multivariate calculus problem by glancing at it.]

[googledox]

Thank you.

[He likes Cortana. He's slightly intimidated by her, yes (a rare feat, given that he's got such a strong personality himself.) But he likes her. And he's pretty grateful for that whole saving-his-life thing that happened with the Legion of Supervillains.]

I'll admit that the celebration of birthdays is still a somewhat unusual social practice for me, but it's one I'm starting to get used to.

We don't celebrate them on Colu. [And even if they did, no one on Colu would've ever celebrated his.] The anniversary of one's birth is seen as inconsequential, probably due to the fact that the entire Coluan birthing process is fairly regimented.

[steelandtemper]

[Don't mention it.]

Hey, where I'm from they just flip a switch.

[For AIs. She's not counting humans.]

Much more sensible than leaving it up to chance.

[Also: important to keep track of when your AIs have a tendency to go ax crazy around the seven-year mark.]

[thebioticwoman]

Heh. Sometimes you can talk 'em into donating to charity in your name instead.

[There are worse problems to have than a surplus of goodwill, buddy.]

[googledox]

Oh, they've done that, too.

Several million credits have been donated to various charities I'm fond of.

Shit's Going Down...

[googledox]

[As Brainy starts to open another gift, the labs sensor scans peg it as a threat and alarm klaxons blare all over Legion World, in a clear “Code Red” situation. Eyes widening in alarm, Brainy pulls up a scan, reads what it says, shields up, and then turns and grabs Lyle and Babbage, his shield wrapping around them, dragging them towards the door of the lab.]

Thalaron radiation! Move!

[Except when he gets to the door, he shoves them both out in a clear attempt to get them out of the lab while he stays.]

[legionnpcs]

[Unfortunately, Babbage isn’t quite so easy to move. Not only does he outweigh Brainy by several hundred pounds, he’s also trying to twist, get a hold of the impossible-to-grasp force fields, and throw Brainiac out the door first. The result is a confused tangle and the only real good that gets done is Lyle getting punted out the door before Babbage finally gives up and just slams his fist into the emergency lockdown button before the halls are flooded with the deadly radiation.]

As much as I’d like to encourage your heroism, are you forgetting that Roboticans are immune to Thalaron radiation? Mostly?

[Babbage peers about, listening to the other doors thunk into place. His sensors allow him to taste the crackle of the radiation and his internal Geiger counter buries the needle. At the same time, he watches the force fields snap into place. Idly, he wonders if this lab is programmed to jettison from Legion World in the risk of an explosion, but it’s too deep for that to work well. Otherwise he’d have thrown Brainy out a window.

He pauses.]

I hear something… beeping. Get behind me!

[Not that his metallic shell would protect the Great Maker more than the force field would, but no Robotican alive would allow Brainiac 5 to take a bomb blast meant for them.]

[googledox]

You’re not immune from exploding if it’s a bomb, Babbage.

[He still decides to accept his help.]

But if it’s just a radiation generator, I may need you to take over my efforts to deactivate it. My shields will only protect me for so long.

[Brainy tries to force past him.]

We need to at least attempt defusing it. If it is a bomb, we have no idea what the payload is. The lab containment shields can only do so much.