[AUDIO]

[kingtyrantranger]

[Well. Audio + a picture.

Jason sounds entirely too pleased with himself after uploading that shot.]

Look at what I found! They're pretty cheap, considering.

I'm probably gonna get them. They do custom orders, too! If you want, I can drop a few orders for you guys while I'm here.

Comments

[goddamngrenades]

Oh my god.

[ He needs a moment. He needs, like, TWENTY. ]

Those are- those are something else buddy.

[video]

[prettycoolguy]

[ The Chief just posts six seconds of him looking at the screen in perfect silence. ]

[kingtyrantranger]

I know, right?

[kingtyrantranger]

[Let's be real. It's Master Chief. Unless something's moving in the background, the video probably looks more like a still picture.]

I'm pretty sure they can do some up in, uh. Size twenty-four. And in green.

[prettycoolguy]

Pass.

[ Not unkindly. But paaaaass. ]

[kingtyrantranger]

...Yeah, I guess you're more the work boot type.

[goddamngrenades]

And they do Custom Orders. Like. Sizing- how custom are we talking? Do they come in tiny sizes?

[video]

[isthisapidge]

Jason...I'm a computer programmer and even I know that's a fashion no-no.

[prettycoolguy]

I put a lot of demands on my wardrobe.

[ You know, like being made of metal and able to stop a plasma cannon. ]

[kingtyrantranger]

They've got an outlet on Imsk, so they can go microscopic if need be.

[kingtyrantranger]

Yeah, you definitely come off as the lumberjack type. Jeans, boots, flannel... Blue ox...

[kingtyrantranger]

You haven't even seen me do a roundhouse kick in them yet!

[goddamngrenades]

Can you get some in- magenta and purple with little wheels in the heels and roughly- [ he just texts Jason the size. ] that big? Theta will love them.

[kingtyrantranger]

Wheels in the heels? That sounds awesome.

[In case you needed a reminder that the 90s were a thing.]

Yeah, I'll put in an order for some. You want them with little flashing lights or no?

[goddamngrenades]

They are pretty sweet, you might wanna get yours with them. It's all in the leaning I think? But, hell yeah to the lights.

[prettycoolguy]

Ox?

[ There's that characteristic I didn't get the joke head tilt. That particular bit of American folklore didn't reach his end of the 26th century.

The rest of it, however, sounds perfectly acceptable. ]

[kingtyrantranger]

Nah. I might wanna do some kicks or something and wheel heels might get in the way. I still think they're cool, though.

Yeah, they say they can put it together. You want me to put it on the team's tab so it can be more of a surprise?

[kingtyrantranger]

Oh, uh. Paul Bunyan and his ox? He's supposed to be like this, uh. Giant lumberjack. With a giant blue ox named Babe that helps him jack lumber.

Voice

[araignee_du_soir]

You are not wearing those to lessons.

[If Widowmaker could muster up the emotion to be offended by the very existence of those boots, she would.]

[kingtyrantranger]

But they're so cool!

[How could anyone not like them? Is it because she's old? It's probably because she's old.]

[bachido]

I've never seen anything like those!

[And his fashion knowledge is a little too limited for him to draw any real judgments, oops. They're red though! Red is a nice color!]

I like the color. Are they comfortable?

[kingtyrantranger]

They are super comfortable. I think the entire team should wear them.

[araignee_du_soir]

[Excuse you, she's only 33!]

No, they are not.

[bachido]

But I like being able to move my toes.

[Attached is a picture of his feet in his tabi socks and excessively cool red sandals. Seriously how has anyone ever tried to compete with these?]

[kingtyrantranger]

If your boots are the right size, you should be able to wiggle your toes just as good!

[They're cool sandals! But not as cool as his sneakerboots.]

[kingtyrantranger]

[That's twice his age!]

That's just down to a matter of good taste, then.

[araignee_du_soir]

[She scoffed.]

If only we could bring the adult version of yourself back to show this to...

[kingtyrantranger]

Yeah, but he was kind of a jerk.

[Pretty cool leather jacket, though.]

[bachido]

Maybe you should wear them. I tried on some boots back at the Mall Planet once. I think I'm just too used to sandals.

[More toe wiggling taking place over here. It helps that his new socks are waterproof and as warm as close-toed shoes, and that he has a luxurious five pairs now and doesn't have to wash socks every day.]

[nofortunateson]

Well. I guess making the bad guys underestimate you is one kind of strategy . . .

[araignee_du_soir]

We all tend to grow a bit jaded as we get older.

[prettycoolguy]

[ The Chief considers for a long moment. ]

I don't think Cortana would appreciate that.

[ Somewhere behind that helmet there is a tiny, satisfied smirk at his own joke. ]

[steelandtemper]

Try replacing me with livestock and see how that goes for you.

[He's funny, but looks aren't everything.]

[kickpushbaby]

Dude.

[ghost_bait]

...That....


That's very nice.

[Thank god this is text and Jason cannot see the look of horror on Miku's face. Americans.]

[kingtyrantranger]

You want a pair?

[kingtyrantranger]

I know, right?

[kingtyrantranger]

Yeah. They won't know whether I'm trying to be a cowboy or a normal guy. I can totally take them by surprise!

[kingtyrantranger]

Oh, hey, uh. Sorry that other me was kind of a jerk.

[ghost_bait]

Thank you, but... I think I'll stick to my flats.