video, backdated to pre-plots

[thebioticwoman]

[Shepard has settled into her quarters, and the background to her transmission is a thrilling expanse of undecorated wall with a little bit of couch cushion visible near the bottom of the frame. She herself is a red-haired, pale-skinned human woman with green eyes and a calm, no-nonsense demeanor, wearing what looks like it could be a military or merchant marine uniform, though it has no obvious insignia or rank.]

My name's Shepard. I just got here, obviously, and I have a question. The staff was polite about it, but considering one of them nearly dropped his datapad when I floated the idea, there's obviously something they're not telling me...why is "Spectre" a bad codename?

[She could just freakin' Space Google it, but this is a good icebreaker. Besides, she doesn't have her omni-tool and she finds the omnicomm interface unreasonably clunky and inflexible.]

Comments

[superscholar]

Well, some of us did rescue two veteran Legionnaires in the last mission. You probably wouldn't have to work hard to start a party after that.

[ He's trying so hard to make a joke. He's trying. ]

[thebioticwoman]

That's not a party for me.

[Definitely joking.]

[superscholar]

It is if we slip your name onto the cake.

[ LOOK GOHAN MADE A JOKE. ]

[thebioticwoman]

[Shepard is unaware of how much of an earnest nerd Gohan is and thus does not realize the momentous import of this occasion.]

That's "Shepard" with an A and only one H.

[superscholar]

I guess now I get to ask if cake even exists here.

[thebioticwoman]

Why...wouldn't there be cake?

[What kind of dystopian hellhole did she land in???]

[superscholar]

Well, I've never had to ask. And diets in this time and space are kind of... strange.

[ A pause. ]

... Oh, I'm not sure if anyone has told you. There's no... meat here. Sort of.

[thebioticwoman]

Oh.

[Pause.]

So?

[She's a special forces soldier and thus the opposite of a picky eater.]

[superscholar]

Well, a lot of people here aren't handling it well. And I'll admit, I do miss meat. But mostly, I just wanted to make sure you were informed.

[thebioticwoman]

Oh. Well, thanks. I don't really care one way or another as long as I can digest it.

[The dextro stuff had better be properly marked.]

[superscholar]

Then you'll probably be fine, honestly.

[thebioticwoman]

As long as I can get my energy shakes.

[whyarewehere]

As the resident expert? Yeah. It definitely exists here.

[thebioticwoman]

Duly noted.

[whyarewehere]

It's what I do around here.

[ Grif's tone is only faux-humble. ]

[superscholar]

... I'm glad you're on top of that.

[whyarewehere]

I'm a professional, Gohan.

[ A professional what, he doesn't say. ]

[superscholar]

I gathered.

[ You know what, he's just gonna humor Grif. ]