[video]

[marryonette]

-A new face has appeared! At least new to almost everyone of the Legionnaires save for one. And boy does she have a ten mile wide smile. She's practically bounding in her seat as she starts to record the video. Fortunately for her, these devices aren't impenetrably high tech. Hell, compared to spellphones, they're downright antiquated by being an actual physical object. Still, those blue eyes of her (what was with the odd rings in her irises?) were shining with what could only be described as wonder.-

"To the Legion of Superheroes I make this solemn pledge: To use my powers for good. To fight for justice and protect the innocent. To aid my fellow Legionnaires in times of peril and to keep their secrets safe.

I choose a new name to honor the heroes of the past. I am Miss Guns-n-Roses!"

It all sounds so romantic! The life of a super hero! I can hardly believe it! If there are three jobs every girl wants in life, they are being a queen, being a rock star, and being a super hero, and while I've come really close to two of those, this third one is right at my doorstep! I'm already here, even!

Who knows, in between rescuing cute alien animals and saving innocent people from danger and evil, I might even finally find MR. Guns-n-roses! -She's starting to talk faster, like really fast...- Can you imagine? If I were the wife of a super hero, with both of us being super heroes, we'd become the ultimate power couple! The literal ultimate power couple! Our honeymoon would be on a distant planet with the most gorgeous of sunsets over a glowing ocean, but be interrupted by a sudden attack from a dastardly, scheming villain! He'd cackle, -She deepens her voice throwing her head back and turning her hands upwards with fingers hooked- "MWA HA HA HA! I FINALLY HAVE YOU, MR AND MRS GUNS-N-ROSES! PREPARE TO SUFFER!"

But our love is too strong for them! In a long, blistering battle, we destroy the evil with the marvelous full strength of love between husband and wife! A bond unbreakable by the most terrorizing villains of the galaxy! We'll stand as a testament to love, and when the dust settles, we'll hold each other closely! Mr. Guns-n-Roses will say to me -Another deep voice, and a bad British accent, apparently?- "Darling, I don't just fight for the galaxy, I fight for you, and nothing can take you away from me~"

-... Her nose is bleeding. A lot. Oh god.- So perfect...

A-anyways, hello! -She quickly grabs a tissue to dab up that rush of blood.- I'm actually Elphelt Valentine! It's nice to meet you all, and I hope we can all work together for a better tomorrow~!

Comments

permatext

[turntex]

fun fact i am not very polite
shit where do i even start with all this
youve presented me with a mountain of shit to provide some of that classic strider commentary on and here i am with only a plastic kiddie shovel to work through it all with
shit seems insurmountable from where im standing but ill give it my best shot
first things first did you really just do the sexy nosebleed thing because oh my god

[marryonette]

-Reading... reading...!-

Rude! Rude, rude, rude! You're so rude! How can you say stuff this mean to strangers!

[turntex]

kinda comes with not being polite
its a moral struggle every day of my goddamn life but hey someones gotta do it

[marryonette]

Well someone ought to teach you some manners!

[turntex]

attempts have been made but none have been successful
anyway
since i guess were just skipping over the whole anime nosebleed thing lets move on to this marriage business
like you know this is the 31st century right
women are allowed to have aspirations beyond getting married now
crazy i know but youll come to appreciate it

[marryonette]

It was that way in the 22nd century, too, you know! Don't you think I know that? But it also means that my desires are perfectly valid, too! The real cruelty is forcing any kind of ideal on my womanhood! It's not yours, it's mine, so how dare you tell me how to express it!

[turntex]

chill out no one is policing your womanhood
why would i know what century youre from
or what shit in that particular century is even like given the whole alt universe thing
maybe im just makin sure our new recruits arent suffering under archaic and unfemininist ideals that were forced upon them by the societies they grew up in
ensuring all the old timey girls know its okay to crush the patriarchy and all that equality jazz
but hey fuck me i guess

[marryonette]

Yes, f-... f-f-f-...

FORGET you -good try, el, gold star-. I'm not about to suffer rude people like you so gladly!

[turntex]

smooth
right so anyway point three
whys mr guns n roses got a british accent like i never got the appeal of that shit
why would you wanna feel like youre getting fucked by austin powers every time you make the mistake of closing your eyes during the big event

[marryonette]

Nope! I'm not talking to you anymore! -then... stop replying, el.-

[turntex]

sure you are
none of the ladies and gents and other sentient shit can resist that strider charm
especially not the ones so romance hungry
and especially if youre into accents cause let me tell you the british can suck my texan dick

[marryonette]

I said I wasn't talking to you anymore! Please stop!

I have a lot trouble believing you have any luck with love, having such a RUDE personality!

[turntex]

im just messing with you relax
in the sense that im happily taken anyway and not actually out to seduce anyone away from their hypothetical brits
its true that no one can resist a strider but thats just a fact of life
those affected will unfortunately just have to deal with their unrequited feelings

[marryonette]

-Well, he stopped making fun of her, at least, but... seriously, this guy was still a hell of a pill. But, well... she supposed everyone had a right to love. Even rude internet trolls.-

I don't find it difficult to resist at all, but maybe that's just me.

[turntex]

[Ironically enough, a rude internet troll is exactly what he landed himself. Quite literally, even.]

you also arent being swayed by my killer looks
im considerate like that
cant be showing my face too openly without the risk of subjecting random innocents to the despair of falling for a claimed man

[marryonette]

-... Huh.-

Wait a minute... The more I look at it, I think you're rudeness may be... Insincere! -Gasp!-

Do you have trouble making friends, mister?

[turntex]

[Nailed it.]

what no
and dont call me mister thats weird
im 16

[marryonette]

Oh my gosh, you're just a kid! Ha! And here I was getting worked up! I feel so silly, now...

[turntex]

dude you look maybe 18 at the most
an abnormally well endowed 18 year old maybe but hey im assuming thats normal in whatever anime style nosebleeds land you come from

[marryonette]

You know it's pretty inappropriate for a young guy with a sweetheart to be talking about an adult woman's endowments!

[turntex]

hed understand

[marryonette]

You shouldn't just assume! Even if he's not the jealous type, that's being inconsiderate of his potential feelings! For shame!

[turntex]

wow excuse me between the two of us which one is single huh

[marryonette]

That's... okay, you've got me there, but aren't I at least a little right, too?

[turntex]

nah
trust me its cool

[Maybe actual flirting would be a problem. But bringing up such things for the purpose of trolling someone? Yeah, he's pretty sure Karkat would be down with that.]