thelegion | [Video

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[Waking up again had been disorienting enough; usually when you slip into the empty embrace of death you don't suddenly pop into existence somewhere else. Maybe that's why she's so hesitant to put herself out into this new world even after she's accepted the new job. That in itself could very well be a huge mistake but who knows, she could probably use some good karma in her new life to outweigh her last one.

Which brings her here.

The video feed flickers on to show a dimly lit room with a somewhat battered suit of brown power armour against the wall. The camera itself is focused on the pale hand holding the ring she had been given when she'd said her oath to the Legion. For a few seconds the ring flips and spins between her fingers as if it were a coin, buying her a little time to pick her words before she speaks.]

We don't always get a chance for a new start. I guess I should be grateful for it, and for the new name.

[Giving the ring a light flick into the air with her thumb she catches it and slips it on. No more hiding.]

It's Mirage, by the way. But for the old friends I know are out there...

[The video shifts as she picks up the omnicom to focus on her face. She looks tired, too tired to hide the guilt and resignation behind her small, bitter smile.]

You can still call me Connie.

[And with that the feed cuts off.]

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[Taking the silence as a chance to observe, Wash seems different than she remembers. He moves differently, and his voice sounds older too. That's...kind of a comforting thought, that it seems like he's made it a lot longer than she did.

Crossing her arms she shrugs, dropping her gaze as she sighs.]

Bleeding out in the escape shuttle. It's not terribly fun, I wouldn't recommend it.

[He stiffens. He knew - "unrecoverable" had very few meanings, especially in the context of that mission - but he'd never had the details.]

...they never told me the details. I didn't-

[He knew, but he hadn't really known, and finding out isn't exactly fun.]

...I'm sorry.

[She shakes her head, lifting her shoulder in a half hearted shrug.]

Not your fault, Wash. I knew when you all caught me I wouldn't make it out in the end. It's why I trying to run when Carolina and Tex caught up to us.

And...it's better than being brought back and used for one of the Director's test.

[Or dropped on an icy planet to die slowly.]

Tell me about it.

[He is absolutely bitter. His voice softens a bit when he speaks again.]

Have you talked with anyone else yet?

[He has no illusions about being the first person to talk to her; might as well see what she knows, if she'll tell him.]

[She nods, quiet for a moment as she watches him.]

I guess you've been through it enough out of all of us. York said you were left behind. I know he's...a couple years past me now, and you're even more past him.

[And still kicking, Connie can't say how glad she is that despite everything Wash has lived so long. Hopefully he's in a better situation, but she doesn't know a lot about it.]

South's from the same point as me.

[She huffs a breath, reaching up to gingerly rub the bump still on the back of her head.]

We had words.

[He is in a better situation; it just took him a good amount of time and trauma to get there, and he didn't come out the other side completely intact.]

It's...been eight years for me. Since you left.

[Well, she's been warned, to an extent. Wash thumbs the seals on his helmet and slowly removes it, removing a face far more worn than the one Connie would remember. It may have been eight years, but for him it's been a lifetime of violence and trauma and betrayal. He should be too young to have gray in his hair and wrinkles at the corners of his mouth and eyes, but...well, here he is.]

[He winces sympathetically at that summary of time with South. Yeah, that sounds about right.]

That sounds fun.

But you're alive.

[Connie watches as the helmet is lifted away and her heart breaks a little to see just how much he's changed. His eyes still have that defiant spark to them that she remembers but the grey in his hair, the new scars, the wrinkles?

She doesn't mean to laugh, she honestly doesn't but it bubbles up even as her eyes fill with tears. Without being pulled into this world she'd never get the chance to see him like this. How much might have been different if she had tried harder to get through to him? Maybe take him with her and get out from under the Director's thumb? How much of his pain could she have prevented if she just did more?]

You're so old. [Her voice shakes somewhere between a snort and a sob as she looks away, biting her lip hard to keep the tears back.]

[That defiant spark is about the only reason he's still alive - everything else got wrecked in the wake of Epsilon and the fall of Freelancer.]

[For a moment he's indignant. Is she really-]

[No. No, she's not laughing at him - she's trying to deal with this. Evidently it's been eight years wasn't sufficient warning.]

Thanks. I hadn't noticed.

[His voice is flat, lightly sarcastic, like he can keep up the joke, but-]

[But this is Connie. It's not like York, where they fought and made up and York found some way to deal with the time difference and stop calling him kid. Connie had been his best friend, and he'd lost her, and now here they both are and-]

[Damn it. Damn it.]

[He steps forward and pulls her into a hug - tight, but ever mindful of the fact that he's in armor, so not tight enough to hurt her.]

[The sarcasm is just enough push her dangerously close to the edge of breaking down but it's the hug that does it. She doesn't fight it as the tears spill against his armour, her fingers curled tight around the metal plates and she leans into him as much as she can. It's not the most comfortable hug but damn does she need it.]

I'm so sorry.

[Because out of everyone here, Wash deserved it from her the most. After all they'd been through, all the secrets she kept and how much she pushed him away, to be understood and forgiven? That's more than she ever hoped for.]

[He can't hold her as tightly as he wants to - not without hurting her. Damn it, he owes her another hug next time he's out of armor, because as far as he's concerned this doesn't cut it.]

[It's only the reserves of self-control he's developed over the years that keep him from crying too. He's had long enough to adjust to the sheer oddness that is Legion World - he needs to be a constant right now. He needs to be strong.]

[He'll find a quiet, private place to break down afterwards, like always.]

It's not your fault.

[He's spent a lot of time thinking about it, and he knows himself well enough to know that no, he wouldn't have listened to Connie back then, even if she had tried to tell him what was really happening. He put too much faith in authority and he was too grateful to the Director for his chance to be in the Project and to move up through the ranks to ever question it. He never would have believed the horrors going on behind the scenes - not before Epsilon burned them into his brain. Connie had known that, and she'd acted accordingly. He refuses to blame her for that.]

[Connie will accept all the hugs Wash has to give, she remembers how rare they usually are.]

Won't stop me from regretting it.

[She's found out enough to know the Project does go down in some way, but it's much more bitter than sweet to know she failed to get the other Freelancers out in time. She can't go back and change it but she can start making up for it now.]

Anything you need. Anything at all- I'll be there.

Don't. Just- don't.

[He carries enough guilt in him to recognize it when he hears it, and that's what that offer is.]

Look, it doesn't matter how much you regret the past - you can't change it. Don't do things based on regret - it'll just make everything worse.

You've changed.

['When did you get so wise' she almost says but- fuck; eight years, huh? Y'gotta pick up something during that time if you've survived as much as he seems to have. Seeing Wash and York, it's hard not to feel motivated by regret, as if she needs to work harder this time to make up for her failures in her life. It still draws a shakey sigh from her as she nods, slipping a hand away to rub at her eyes.]

I have to get to know you all over again. [If he'll let her.]

I had to.

[If he hadn't changed, he'd be insane or dead. There's not really any two ways around it. Survival fucks you up, and he's survived a lot.]

Okay.

[Connie was his friend - is his friend - and though it's going to take some adjustment, he wants to keep it that way.]

[He ponders the lengths of that for a moment or two. York knew about Epsilon because he was there for it; Wash has no idea what the information Connie passed on to Tex contained. Either way, he at least knows she can keep a secret. He takes a breath and lets it out slowly. Talking about this does not get easier with practice.]

The files you got from the Project - the ones you passed on to Tex - did they say anything about a fragment called Epsilon?

Epsilon?

[At the time she'd left, only a handful of AI fragments had actually been processed and assigned to the different Freelancers. Sigma, Gamma, Beta, those were all there on file, along with a list of other emotional fragments without names.]

I don't think there was one assigned that name yet.

[She glances up briefly, frowning.]

Yours?

Yeah.

[He should let go, but he doesn't want to. Either way, he can't meet her eye right now.]

He was the Alpha's memory. All of it.

[It should not take Connie long to figure out the implications of that.]

Oh.

[Alpha's memory, every bullshit mission, every splitting torture session wrapped into a ball and put inside Wash's head. Having one AI inside your head is strenuous enough, having one with its own- no, with two sets of memories and extreme trauma on top of that? That's a mental nuke just waiting to happen. And the Director approved it.]

Oh fuck, Wash.

[There's no little horror in her voice as she says it. Or rage as her arms tighten around him. Not that it would help, not that she could do anything to change it.]

[Some part of him is quietly, horribly vindicated at the tone of her voice. Someone else who has all the information - or at least enough to understand the implications of what he went through - empathizes with him.]

[He shouldn't be happy at her horror, but fuck if there isn't some tiny part of him that feels justified for going to pieces (as though he had any other choice once Epsilon had taken up residence).]

[It's all he can do to keep from holding her a little tighter, but broken ribs are not a good way to punctuate the conversation. He forces himself to breathe instead.]

I don't think they knew how much information Epsilon had - they would've killed me if they did. But-

[Breathe in. Breathe out. Almost a decade later, the past still haunts him.]

I...went insane. Straitjacket, padded room, all of it. Epsilon tore me to pieces. I didn't know my own name- I lost time- I kept trying to tear out an AI chip that wasn't there after the first few days- I-

[Breathe in. Breathe out. It's over. He's okay.]

It took me a long time to put myself back together. By that time, the war was over and the Project was under investigation.

[By someone who would later try to bogart its technology and start a genocide of his own and it was all fucking circular, wasn't it.]

Edited 2017-01-08 08:16 (UTC)

The Director never did like people knowing his methods or motivations.

[The always used to joke about it too. 'Don't end up like Georgia,' 'You remember what happened to Wisconsin?' There was always the underlying threat that any one of them could be the next faded Freelancer joke to pass around the ranks but that always happened to the lower ranked soldiers. No one on the Leaderboard. But it just reinforced how disposable they all were regardless of rank and skill. They were nothing more than test subjects for the Director.

It's what she'd warned him about but being right only fills that cold pit in her stomach with bitterness. He didn't deserve that.]

Jesus, Wash...It's no wonder, that's one hell of a recovery to go through.

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[Video - 001]

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