Video

[i_got_this]

Hey assholes, so apparently I'm one of you now. Pretty great, yeah? Helping the universe and all that.

[The feed shows a woman with a scarred cheek wearing appears to be magenta power armor, using her helmet as an armrest in her as yet bare quarters. She's got blonde hair tipped with light purple, and harsh blue eyes that regard the feed critically.]

So I wanna hear from the front lines; what's this shit like? What can I expect? And also, where can I go to get a good porter because it's been too long since I've been tanked and with everything I've witnessed in the last, oh ... forty eight or so hours? I need a good tanking.

Oh, and where's the best place for decorations? Like, is there a Space Ikea I can hit up? I didn't have much in the way of options so I really want to take advantage of making this room my own.

[She goes to flip the feed off while she waits for replies, then stops herself at the last moment,]

Oh, uh ... call me Switch. Yeah.

[She snaps the feed off.]

Comments

[bachido]

Hello, Switch! My name is Kubo.

I didn't understand . . . most of what you said. But I'm from a time far before most everyone here. And I grew up in a cave. So . . . there's a lot that I miss.

Can I ask you some questions back? First: What's a porter?

[i_got_this]

[Oh great, a kid. South rolls her eyes. Some help he's going to be.]

It's a beer. A really strong, heavy beer. It's like drinking bread.

Did you really grow up in a cave?

[bachido]

If it's food you're looking for, there's a room where they have all kinds of food and drinks. Maybe they have what you're looking for there. I could show you the way, if you need a guide. I tell a story every day, there - I'm a storyteller.

And yes, I did. It's a long story, but I told it about a month ago and Dave recorded it for me. If you want to know the whole thing, I can share it with you any time. The stories I tell in the cafeteria every day are shorter.

[i_got_this]

What like a mess hall or something? They've got beer there? [She sounds skeptical, but she's not above checking it out. She could use some food, now that she's thinking about it.]

Does it explain how you lost your eye? [Sorry, South isn't known for her tact.]

[bachido]

If they don't have it, that still seems like a good place to start.

[not like he's an expert on quests or anything. He only went on the one. But a quest for food should probably start where all the food is, right?]

It does. [the frankness of the question surprises him, but maybe this is just how people talk where she's from. He squints the armor, though, mentally comparing it to Wash's.] At the beginning.

Where did you get your armor?

[whyarewehere]

Drinks? You came to the right space hero team, we have a list.

[ Grif passes along a link to a space gdoc spreadsheet that the team has clearly been communally editing. He takes a moment to change the header from "Legion Bar Recs" back to its rightful title of "Legion Bar Reqs" because that is absolutely how that's spelled. It's some weird french thing, right?

In varying punctuation and grammatical styles, people have curated a collection of Legionnaire-friendly bars and restaurants. It's littered with (sometimes contradictory) notes on things like who will feed you for free after a big mission hits the news, where you should go for a few specific drinks, who has the best hot fries this side of Rimbor, and where you absolutely never want to make physical contact with a bathroom. ]

So. Where'd you get the armor from?

[ It's conversational and casual, but that's just Grif trying to hide how much he really wants to know. ]

[i_got_this]

Okay, you are officially my new best friend. [Don't be flattered; she's not exactly a shining example of friendship.]

[She doesn't answer him immediately, looking over the list, picking out a place to have her first drink here. Definitely the best piece of information she's ever gotten.]

[Not answering him right away is also something of a power play, and when she does turn her attention back, she'sleaning back and putting on somnething of a superior air, picking up the helmet as if to inspect it for the first time.]

Oh, this? Yeah, I got this for being part of an elite private militia. Pretty cutting edge stuff.

[whyarewehere]

[ Grif is an excellent friend with equally excellent tastes in friends, there's nothing that can go badly about this. At all. He leans back in his seat casually, giving a nod of acknowledgment. He knows he's pretty great.

That is definitely a helmet from home or somewhere close, now that he's had a better chance to look at it. He leans out of the frame for a moment and then returns with his own, holding it up. ]

That is the complete opposite of my team. Welcome to the better version of the space future, I guess.

[i_got_this]

[South doesn't bother hiding her surprise, confusion, face contorting into WTF disbelief as she leans forward to look at Grif's helmet. She looks at him, eyes narrowing as she's regarding him carefully. Has she seen him before? Has she stuck him in a locker? She's also trying to parse out his words in relation to the armor.]

You weren't on the board.

[Trying desperately to hold onto her dignity.]

[whyarewehere]

What board?

[ And what's with that face? Way intense, dude. He's slouched down far enough to rest his head on the top of the chair back, which he does. He's chill, see? ]

[Audio]

[kingtyrantranger]

On my first mission, oil slick aliens who hated the light blew up chunks of Legion World and were possessing people. After that, I fought a guy who possessed dead bodies and went on murder rampages while everyone else fought a dude who ate planets and his pet monsters in the skies above me. They beat them by unleashing the angel of vengeance or something from his tomb. After that, we fought two different space armies with magic rings.

[He may or may not be ticking these off on his fingers.]

Oh, and someone tried to drop a moon on a planet and we had to deal with that, too.


So, yeah, you've got some stuff to look forward to. [And it's all really freaking metal] Looks like Grif's got you covered on the bar stuff. Space Ikea's pretty easy to order from, just tell the techs what you want and they'll set up your hab however you like it. Then you can drag stuff from there to your actual room.

[Audio]

[i_got_this]

[he should have started with the mundane space Ikea stuff first, because South's staring at him after his list of disasters.]

You're shitting me.

[She's not sure what she was expecting but this wans't eat.]

A dude who eats planets? What sort of fucking fuck eats planets?!

[Audio]

[kingtyrantranger]

[Everyone's always gotta be cursing.]

Someone with a big appetite.

[He's not even trying to be funny there. It's just. Why else would you eat a planet if you weren't really hungry?]

[Audio]

[i_got_this]

Wow. So that sounds like a special level of hell.

I mean, how are we supposed to take these guys down with the whole 'don't kill people' thing?

[Audio]

[kingtyrantranger]

By working around them, I guess? I mean, we haven't needed to kill anyone yet.

[Except the guys who got stuck on Murderworld, but those were special circumstances.]

We've just got to work together and use our heads instead of just giving up on any other options because the threat's 'too big'.

Video

[wherenoonegoes]

Educated guess based on the armor...you're from Wash, York, Grif, and Chief's world, aren't yoy?

Video

[i_got_this]

[Staring back in quiet disbelief for a moment.] Wash and York are here?!

[So, Hiccup could probably call that a 'yes'.]

private - voice

[goddamngrenades]

Lindsey?

[ Jesus christ- ]

Where are you?

[ He has to get to her before Wash drops ye olde 'you're dead' bomb. Or. Any other potential bombs. ]

private - voice

[i_got_this]

Hey Tay, some kid said you were here. I'm in my apartment. Pretty cool, huh?

[She'll give him the unit number, playing off of his urgency with chill.] And, who's Grif and Chief?

private - voice

[goddamngrenades]

The Master Chief, Grif's a sim trooper. Both are actually pretty chill which is a nice change of pace from, well. The Project.

[ There's some scuffling as he shoves his boots on and sprints for the entrance of his habitat, trying to find the quickest route to hers. ]

Hey, just out of curiosity- cuz the thing that brings us here kinda messes around with time and space- what's the last thing you remember before waking up here?

private - voice

[i_got_this]

I think I've met Grif. Yellow armor, right? He showed me his helmet. [That was orange, South.] And holy shit, the fucking actual Master Chief? Kinda wonder what he's like.

[At Taylor's question, she slumps back in her seat and crosses her arms.] Yeah, so ... Connie defected and we chased her and she just got away. [Or, you know, she dead, but South doesn't know that yet.]

i am so sorry

[turntex]

why switch
is turning people on your super schtick

sounds like these two will get along great XD

[i_got_this]

haha you bet

but nah that's just a side effect.

god help the legion

[turntex]

true enough
just comes with the superhero thing really
wander outside once in that spandex and suddenly everyones swooning and shoving shit under your nose for autographs
writing erotic wish fulfillment fanfiction but pairing you up with your bros because self-inserts are an offense punishable by death apparently
its a thing

Re: god help the legion

[i_got_this]

yeah see this sounds like my kind of town
write me with everyone I want to see stuff that'll make wash's eyes bleed
fuck this is too amusing
i can't wait