[video] RE: The Labs

[googledox]

[Here's that green guy Kid Quantum had introduced. Apparently, he has more to say himself about what he specifically has to offer them. His expression is almost long-suffering, as if he's annoyed at yet one more interruption to his work. Or maybe it's their sheer existence that bothers him -- because now he has to worry about safely getting them home.]

My name is Brainiac 5. Kid Quantum has elected to inform me that I should make it clear that you can avail yourself of certain resources on the ship.

To that end, I want to apprise you all of the fact that you are welcome in my -- [he pauses and inhales deeply through his nose, as if the next words are very hard to say] -- in the Science Labs if you're technologically inclined and would like a space to work on whatever projects you want to...fiddle around with.

Those who are not technologically-inclined should steer clear because there is very delicate and vital equipment that could potentially decohere every molecule in your bodies until you're a fine atmospheric mist.

[And on that pleasant note...]

For those of you that come from such primitive worlds that you don't know what a molecule is because no one's developed a body of knowledge on particle physics -- and for those of you that can't seem to manage the very basic motor functions of turning a vidscreen on -- I will be offering regular lessons on basic scientific principles and on pushing buttons in sequential order.

For those of you that are engineers, I will also be providing tutoring on how to engineer and manipulate technology in this era in a way that's actually effectual.

[He doesn't really seem to be trying to be offensive. There's definitely no malice in how he says these things. But offensiveness is just kind of just happening anyway.]

As the UP government is currently suffering from a surplus of incompetence at the moment, I will be the primary individual responsible for the research and development of technologies that can possibly get you home or to the dimension of your choosing. If any of you have particular expertise in the many sciences that are involved in interdimensional travel and quantum tethering, please contact me so that we can collaborate.

That is all.

[Charming, isn't he?]

Comments

[leverageintceo]

Woo!

[The screen blurs and there's an odd shot of a wall as Parker, presumably, punches the air with both hands. Then she pulls it back so the camera is pointed at her face again.]

Yeah, it's this whole thing about not using advanced technology to enforce your will and morality on people. But I think it might be okay as long as you don't openly use the technology? [She makes a face.] I'm not sure, I'll ask my hacker, that whole thing is his deal. I don't even know if it applies, I mean, we enforce our will and morality on bad guys all the time...

[googledox]

As an organization, the Legion is not opposed to people enforcing their wills on "bad guys" [quotey fingers] provided they're doing so to bring them to justice in an appropriately non-fatal way.

[leverageintceo]

We are all about justice. We bring justice to the people who think they can escape it because they have money. And then we take their money and their stuff and get them thrown in jail. Sometimes we gloat, because it's fun. And we don't kill anyone, because that's bad, and because the cops look way closer where people die.

[googledox]

As someone that's part of a team that's obligated to follow UP law, I cannot condone methods that involve theft to bring criminals to justice -- wait, what am I saying? This is a secure network.

That sounds like a highly productive use of your time and if technology I've had a hand in engineering helps you do it, I'd consider that an honor.

[leverageintceo]

[Parker beams.]

You're my favorite. I'll make sure my hacker knows that I have your approval to use the ring when we're stealing justice.

[googledox]

[Brainy looks immensely amused.]

By all means, steal all the justice you want.

[leverageintceo]

Oh, the justice isn't for me. I'm in it for the money and warm, happy feelings.

Also gloating. Gloating is surprisingly satisfying.

[googledox]

Then by all means, steal all the justice you want for the appropriate parties, and gloat all you please.

[His technology has been used for far worse things, and he's quite sure Lyle would approve, as well.]

[leverageintceo]

Favorite!

[Parker hangs up without saying goodbye. She has little training in phone etiquette, and an urgent need to pull some death-defying stunts with her new toy.]