thelegion | [video] RE: The Labs

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[video] RE: The Labs

[Here's that green guy Kid Quantum had introduced. Apparently, he has more to say himself about what he specifically has to offer them. His expression is almost long-suffering, as if he's annoyed at yet one more interruption to his work. Or maybe it's their sheer existence that bothers him -- because now he has to worry about safely getting them home.]

My name is Brainiac 5. Kid Quantum has elected to inform me that I should make it clear that you can avail yourself of certain resources on the ship.

To that end, I want to apprise you all of the fact that you are welcome in my -- [he pauses and inhales deeply through his nose, as if the next words are very hard to say] -- in the Science Labs if you're technologically inclined and would like a space to work on whatever projects you want to...fiddle around with.

Those who are not technologically-inclined should steer clear because there is very delicate and vital equipment that could potentially decohere every molecule in your bodies until you're a fine atmospheric mist.

[And on that pleasant note...]

For those of you that come from such primitive worlds that you don't know what a molecule is because no one's developed a body of knowledge on particle physics -- and for those of you that can't seem to manage the very basic motor functions of turning a vidscreen on -- I will be offering regular lessons on basic scientific principles and on pushing buttons in sequential order.

For those of you that are engineers, I will also be providing tutoring on how to engineer and manipulate technology in this era in a way that's actually effectual.

[He doesn't really seem to be trying to be offensive. There's definitely no malice in how he says these things. But offensiveness is just kind of just happening anyway.]

As the UP government is currently suffering from a surplus of incompetence at the moment, I will be the primary individual responsible for the research and development of technologies that can possibly get you home or to the dimension of your choosing. If any of you have particular expertise in the many sciences that are involved in interdimensional travel and quantum tethering, please contact me so that we can collaborate.

That is all.

[Charming, isn't he?]

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You know, considering we're supposed to be a big help and all, you could at least try to sound like you're happy to see us.

[There's an easily-exasperated person who thinks he's better than Grif here, and there's no faster way to get his attention. He smiles with perfect innocence at his own suggestion.]

Because of the UP barring us from taking on any new members from within the UP we now have strangers -- that would be you -- volunteering to endanger themselves when the primary focus should be returning them home.

Also, we have to take time out of our already immensely busy schedules to train you. While simultaneously preventing the total breakdown of UP society, trying to find out what happened to our friends who have been missing for a year, and trying to engineer a way to get you home.

You're yet another complication in an already complicated situation. You shouldn't be happy to see us, either.

Since seeing us means you're not home. Where you should be.

[At least his annoyance seems heavily rooted in wanting them to safely be in their home universes? Kind of?]

You say that like I want to go home. I don't know man, aside from a terminal lack of bacon, the future is way cooler than the dirt hole I'm from.

[He shrugs, leaning back too far in the chair he's in, the picture of indolent smugness.]

I think I'm being pretty generous helping out instead of all the other things I could be doing right now. Like taking five naps.

Edited 2016-01-03 03:02 (UTC)

If that's the case, you'll most likely be permitted to stay, if it's at all possible. Even after a solution is found to return you all home.

And yes, I'll admit the actions of you and the others in volunteering are very generous --

[There, that's almost a compliment, right?]

-- but your presence in this universe is still highly inconvenient. It's nothing you're personally culpable for, but frustrating nevertheless.

[Okay, he's a little bit of a jerk.

But surely if Donatello can put up with Harold Lillja, putting up with this guy ought to be a snap, right?]

Donatello, hi, nice to meet you.

[Said in a way that isn't insincere, but it does sound like he's in a bit of a hurry to get past that and to the good part -]

Expertise might not be the word, but I've got - slightly haphazard - experience working with interdimensional transporters. Given that the tech here is more advanced than anything I've seen back home, though, it seems like the kind of thing you guys would've already invented. Am I right in assuming there are complications at work?

[Yeah. He can already tell this conversation's going to be a blast.]

Don't got much option to learn the tech if I want to do anything useful here, do I?

Can't say I know much about alternate realities. This would be the first.

That said, if it helps, once I get acclimated I could probably help out with teachin' these 'primitives' as you put em if you don't wanna deal with em. [Which is basically exactly how you're coming off on the topic. Figures he'd probably be a little less of a space case with people with lower levels of tech.]

[Brainy's eyes light up at the prospect of talking to someone else with similar expertise. Donatello might find him slightly less jerky. Slightly. But Brainy generally has more patience with fellow scientists and engineers.]

Our threshold gates work by accessing D-space, the space between universes. Typically, rather than using them to travel to alternate worlds we simply use that brief access to D-space as a shortcut for transportation to other areas in our own universe.

Theoretically, we could use the threshold gates to transport individuals through D-space to alternate dimensions, but we're limited by two...complications. One, discerning the correct navigational data to send you all to the proper universe to get you home, and two, unbinding you from this universe.

You're not the first group to be displaced to this universe. Before you, there was a group of Legionnaires from nearby alternate realities that was pulled here. They were, quite fortunately, rescued by a UP survey team that happened to be on the planet and after we...liberated them from the UP facility they were being kept at against their will, we started to study the dimensional rift on the planet and arranged for a permanent station in orbit to transport down and rescue any other individuals that might wind up dimensionally displaced there as well.

[Since, you know, they'd die if they weren't rescued because of the world's hostile conditions. They couldn't trust that it was a one-time thing, and sure enough, more people started falling through.]

We found with the last group that they were tethered to this universe on a quantum level. However, they were also be tethered to their home universes and that seemed to have a stronger pull. We believe that that's why they were all pulled back to their home realities before you arrived here.

My working theory is that the alternate Legionnaires were pulled by whatever being or force behind these abductions from universes far too close to this one for them to be tethered here for long. You, on the other hand, may have possibly been pulled from universes so far away that the bonds that could potentially pull you home have been severely weakened, making it so the artificial quantum ties created by whatever's responsible for your abduction overrule the forces that could potentially pull you back where you belong.

Discerning the coordinates to your home universes and altering the threshold gates to allow for interdimensional travel will be difficult but it's certainly within the realm of possibility. However, we have to find a way to sever the bonds that hold you to this universe on a quantum level before we can send you home and that's what is presenting some...difficulty.

[There, he admits it. He admits he can't figure out a thing. Ugh.]

I never called any of you 'primitives.' That would be barbaric. I'm mostly just presuming that some of you are completely ignorant when it comes to manipulating unfamiliar and possible-more-advanced technology.

[Also, Kid Q would probably yell at him if he drops the P-word. He knows she hates it.]

I suppose a teaching assistant might make the entire situation somewhat less painful. [Because the prospect of teaching classes is so dull to him.] Perhaps after you've obtained an acceptable level of expertise on this universes's technology.

[Who knows what he finds "acceptable," though.]

Are you seeking training in some kind of mechanical support role? We do require engineers and mechanics to keep Legion World running.

Who lives on the primitives world but the primitives?

Give people some credit, pretty sure us cave dwellers can keep up no problem. [He's all too happy to give you a hard time, Brainy.]

That was the idea. You don't seem too keen on it. [He gives a dry chuckle.]

The way you talk I guessed you'd rather lock yourself away in that lab of yours or somethin'.

[Spare him the ridiculously unattainable standards. He'll figure it out.]

Yeaah. The superhero thing just isn't me. Even if the whole 'flight ring' thing is pretty cool.

[It's a lot of information to take in at once - and he devours it, running over all of that in his head and commiting every detail to memory. The last thing he wants to do is slow down a perfectly good scientific discussion by needing to hear things repeated.

Although, man, is now a time to feel a little stupid, because -]

I had the coordinates for my dimension a few weeks ago but not memorized and not here. [His expression scrunches up a little - it'd be kind of like wrinkling his nose, if he had a nose.] The transporter we were working with - we were only aiming for intradimensional use. Landing in another dimension entirely was an anomaly, so I didn't do much with the interdimensional data once we got back.

[In his defense, it was kind of an emergency and all.]

Tracking the energy signatures back got us the coordinates to get back, but those degraded quickly; a few days was all we had. We didn't run into the quantum issue, though - I'd guess it's the same principle you've described, and it was a close enough universe not to...snap the rubber band, so to speak.

[In short, getting back from the Ghostbusters crossover was probably easy mode compared to getting home from this one.]

It's understandable that you wouldn't still have the coordinates.

[He says it graciously. He is actually trying to reassure Donatello slightly. He doesn't want anyone to feel as if any part of what's happened to them is their fault, even with how annoyed he is that he has to worry about getting them home on top of everything else.]

You're...whatever species you are, not a Coluan like myself. Most species are incapable of such eidetic memorization.

[Not every species could memorize things like his own could. Not every member of his own species could memorize things like he could, either.]

Your expertise alone should be sufficient in rendering some aid and I do want to allow those of you that are capable of it to be able to exert some control over your situation. I've been displaced in time and space several times myself. I know how...trying it can be.

[He doesn't really like the idea of sharing the lab with anyone other than Lyle, who...well, isn't there anymore. But he's perfectly capable of cooperating with other scientists and so far Donnie seems amicable enough. And he knows what it's like to be trapped somewhere alien like the displacees are. Both times -- the time he was stuck on 21st century Earth and the time he was stuck with a handful of the others in the Second Galaxy -- had been miserable, and one of the things that'd made both bearable was that he was one of the only ones among his friends able to come up with possible solutions and exert control over their fate. He wants to present that opportunity to others if they're capable of it.]

Just because your worlds may perhaps be comparatively primitive in their levels of technological advancement, doesn't mean you, as individuals, are primitives. Again, calling you such would be barbaric. A world, on the other hand, can't be insulted.

And I'm quite capable of handling myself outside of my lab and frequently do.

[If that sentence sounds as dry as a desert it's because Brainy probably holds the record for hours logged on missions, especially after Cosmic Boy decided that most of his time in the Second Galaxy counted. Yes, he likes labtime but he's hardly someone that locks himself away in it -- at least not anymore.]

The role of Legionnaire isn't for everyone -- and quite frankly I'm not sure some of you are adequately prepared for it. You'll find plenty of things to keep you busy as support staff alone.

Edited 2016-01-03 09:04 (UTC)

If you say so, buddy. [He just shrugs, it's no big deal and since he was only poking fun at Brainy, even less so.]

Yeah? Good to hear.

[Likewise, of all the gundam pilots he was probably the most active during most of the war right behind Wufei given the other two were indisposed for much of it.]

I'm sure I will, but that being said I'd have probably been as prepared as you can possibly be to jump into this fight of yours.

Turtle.

[The species question doesn't really require a lengthy explanation, he figures, but he likes to get it out of the way before people start trying to call him a frog or something. The fact that turtles aren't known for sentience, let alone their memories, isn't worth clarifying unless it actually becomes an issue, though.]

I appreciate it. Not being able to solve a problem is annoying, but not being able to even start working on it is worse.

[Easier on the ego, maybe, since it prevents one from facing the possibility that they're just not smart enough for something, but when it comes down to it, a blow to the ego is easier to take than the idea that he could do something and was just being kept from it.]

[Useful information, and a very interesting looking person. But of course, Saralegui chooses to comment on neither of these things.]

Your people skills could use some work.

[also what the fuck is a molecule]

Ah. A species mutation?

[He doesn't sound that surprised. Mutations aren't unheard of. Even his teammate Monstress--rest her soul--had had a vastly different form from what she'd been born with after all.]

I had assumed you were of a similar species to the Chelions.

[He sends a little image of beings not unlike Donnie. They're a much stockier, thicker-limbed, and look far less agile, but they're distinctly humanoid turtles. They look as if their bodies lean more turtle than humanoid, however.]

In any case, you're welcome in the labs anytime. I already have a designated workspace for technologies and experiments dedicated to the purposes of sending you all home. [Yes, he's already started working on it.] You may also have your own workspace for any of your own independent projects.

Just don't interfere with any of my ongoing experiments.

Or I'll ban you from the labs.

[Seriously. Don't touch his stuff.]

How fortunate then that my job is being responsible for 95% of the Legion's problem-solving and technological development instead of public relations.

[While he cares deeply about the Legion and their cause, Brainiac 5 is also one of nature's assholes. He knows this. There was once a time when his social skills had significantly improved but since the rest of the Legion disappeared, he's mostly stopped trying. Now he attempts only a minimal amount of trying not to come off terribly.]

Do you have any observations of merit to offer to this discussion or was that all?

Perhaps. [He looks strangely thoughtful.] Just be prepared for the scope of what we do perhaps being unlike what you're used to.

[He thinks of Jan, of him reaching out and closing a microlesion in his brain he hadn't known was there, of him regrowing Garth's arm, of the Omniphagus descending hungrily on a whole galaxy. He thinks of the Sun Eater and how all the heroes of ancient Earth had been powerless in the face of it. He thinks of the Anomaly that had the power to change who he was.]

Sometimes there are issues of...scale that are somewhat beyond sentient comprehension.

It doesn't hurt to be well-rounded.

[Saralegui is also one of those assholes. But he took the politician's route, which means that his focus has largely gone towards not seeming like an asshole. It's a useful skill to have, he's found. Makes people more likely to help you, for instance.]

I can't say I have anything useful to contribute -- nothing you'd likely care about, at least. [A flash of a slightly self-deprecating smile -- smart people generally like it when others acknowledge their own shortcomings in those "smart people" fields.] But I am curious about the progress being made in the way of getting us home.

[Brainy tried that for a while, being well-rounded. He'd even managed it. Somewhat. But then they'd fought yet another enemy more vastly powerful than them, and he'd scienced up a solution yet again, only that time... well. Being well-rounded and having social skills stopped being one of his priorities and obsessing over what went wrong and how to get his friends back had become a priority instead. Now, when it comes to his social skills, he doesn't even try.]

So far I've been exploring several avenues that may allow you to go home. One that shows particular promise is adapting the threshold gates that allow us interplanetary travel to access D-space, the space between dimensions, so that portals can be created to send you home to your respective universes.

The primary hurdles to that working are obtaining the correct coordinates to your home dimensions and unbinding you from this universe, as you're all currently bound to it on a quantum level by whatever entity or force brought you here.

[Saralegui's smile slips into a thoughtful and faintly frustrated frown, but he voices none of his confusion over the more technical parts of that explanation. He can acknowledge his ignorance, but it still annoys him to no end.]

So do you have an estimate of how long it might take? And what can those of us not so directly involved in your work do to speed things up?

Well jeeze, sorry I'm so inconvenient. I'll try not to get in your way, your highness.

As far as a time estimate goes: I cannot conjecture at this time.

[It's the phrase his teammates like hearing the least.]

As for how you can assist, first, stay out of the labs and leave myself and the other scientists and engineers to our work. Secondly, assist us either as Legionnaires or support staff in our endeavors to prevent the total collapse of galactic society so I have time to be in my lab.

The United Planets government knew they couldn't get away with disbanding the Legion but they censured us after the rest of the Legion disappeared last year, claiming that we -- that -- [This part is difficult to say] that I showed reckless negligence that resulted in the disappearance of our teammates during our last battle as a full group. Unsavory elements in the UP that disliked our habitual exposure of corruption in the UP government wanted to take advantage of how we'd been weakened and managed to halt Legion recruitment among any UP member worlds.

That's why RJ Brande asked you to join us and that's why we've allowed those of you to volunteer that are willing to, despite our reservations about all of you risking yourselves to do it when you had no choice in being here.

With our current staffing and the current conflicts plaguing the UP, without any recruitment or assistance, my friends and I will be dead within a year. Which precludes any possible assistance we can render in helping you get home.

In short, the best way to assist yourselves is in assisting us. That way we have time -- and are still alive -- to help you get home.

Edited 2016-01-06 04:27 (UTC)

[Here's an eyeroll at full power. Yes, he's taking the bait.]

I'm not saying that your inconvenient presence is a personal failing of yours. It's the fault of whatever force or entity brought you here.

I'll try and tell that to my hurt feelings.

[Judging by his expression, he isn't hurt at all. He seems to be having fun.]

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[video] RE: The Labs

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