Team Bonding, AMA

[the_civilian]

[ Tadashi is reclining in a bed in medical, wearing the beatific smile of the enlightened and the well and truly stoned. ]

I love biology. Well, no, I'm enthusiastic about biology, I don't love it. I love programming and engineering and my family and helping people. Not in that order. Maybe in that order in regards to science. Except programming and engineering are the tools I use to help people, but I do love them too.

[ He stares off into space for a moment, then shakes himself and focuses back on the camera again. ]

But, you know, the thing about biology that's so cool is that we don't understand it all the way. Sometimes biological interactions happen unexpectedly. Like, these painkillers. I don't have an example of them to show you; they're already in my system and the medical staff won't give me more of them because they make me really loopy. Which is cool, because it's not an allergic reaction or a result of a miscalculated dose, it's just a reaction that happens sometimes to some people. Which is cool! Even almost a thousand years in the future of an alternate universe -- which has seriously weird rules, oh my god you guys I wish I loved biology and philosophy and physics more so I could study how weird this place is, I could write so many papers -- people still don't really know how our bodies work and why they react to certain things the way they do. Reality is amazing and I am so happy it exists!

[ He beams at the camera, but his smile eventually fades into confusion. Then he gasps in apparent surprise. ]

Oh yeah! Anyway, I'm super bored right now and I can't concentrate enough to read anything longer than a few sentences. And I've kind of been focused on dealing with my own stuff and not lighting things on fire when I shouldn't to get to know people, so I was thinking I should get off my ass and do that. Metaphorically, not literally, because the medical staff has confined to this bed until I metabolize the painkillers.

I was thinking we could do a...thingy. That thing people sometimes-- AMA! Ask Me Anything, that thing! We could do that, but just for Legionnaires. Not that I don't love the staffers here, I do, but I was thinking it could be a team bonding thing and some people here are more private than others. But I'd need one of the scary computer ladies to lock it down for me, because I can't figure out how to do that right now.

[ His eyes widen suddenly. ]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean that like "scary computers who are women", that would be rude, I meant it like "scary women who are good with computers". Computer programming has a long history of ignoring the contributions of the women who are it's backbone, and we have a lot of women here who area really good at what they do and they deserve to be afforded all the respect due to them as people and as badasses. The patriarchy sucks like the vacuum abhorred by nature.

...I think this got away from me. What was I talking about?

Comments

Shepard

[thebioticwoman]

Don't make me regret this.

[Everyone, make her regret this.]

[the_civilian]

Okay! What's the weirdest thing you've eaten?

[Helping!]

[thebioticwoman]

Weirdest or worst?

Weirdest...back before I got my commission, my unit was all going stir-crazy on a month-long guard rotation to a place that never saw action and had the base extranet connection throttled for security reasons. One guy, Skinner, decided he was gonna mix together everything green in the barracks fridge. That included some random energy drink, lime jello, pesto, at least three different kinds of vegetables he stole out of people's mess hall leftovers, green chile sauce, and pickles in brine. Probably some other stuff I'm forgetting, too. Of course we all had some because we were teenage marines and the Chief had left us unsupervised in the mistaken belief we couldn't find something stupid to do while he went to chat with the L-T for 15 minutes.

Anyway, there are no words for that flavor and texture experience.

...That one's a strong contender for "worst," too.

[the_civilian]

Green seems a dangerous choice for eating things found in the fridge. How often did that fridge get cleaned out?

[thebioticwoman]

We were marines, not college students. That thing was spotless.

[the_civilian]

Much safer, then.

...And I guess if you'd been stupid enough to eat something gross and moldy and got sick, your chief would have just made you do what you were supposed to anyway.

[thebioticwoman]

Yeah. Ever puked in a breather helmet? It sucks.

[the_civilian]

I'll take your word for it. I try not to puke in anyone's helmets. That gets me threatened with creative maimings and then I have to clean it up later.

[thebioticwoman]

I meant while wearing it. Taking off a breather in the field is usually a good way to die.

[the_civilian]

Well, until I got yoinked to another universe, I'd never been anywhere that required a breather helmet, and my scooter helmet back home doesn't have a face plate so throwing up while wearing it mostly means throwing up on myself.

But I haven't vomited in any of the transuits either.

[thebioticwoman]

Friendly word of advice...try not to break that streak.

[the_civilian]

I also haven't accidentally lit my transuit on fire, dooming me to death in the vacuum of space!

[thebioticwoman]

Also a good streak to keep up. I don't actually remember the time I died in the vacuum of space, but I feel pretty confident in saying it sucked, too.

[the_civilian]

I'm supposed to die in a burning building back home. Because I'm a moron and my mentor...

[Tadashi trails off, looking morose.]

Never mind, I don't want to talk about him. But my little brother is going to become a super hero and save the city from getting sucked into another dimension, so it's not all bad.

[thebioticwoman]

[Shepard hisses through her teeth. That's rough, buddy.]

Maybe now you'll have a chance to help.

[the_civilian]

Assuming the Time Trapper doesn't decide that I'm not fulfilling whatever role he brought me here to do and snaps me back to the exhibition hall and my death.

[There's...probably a way to say that lightly. Tadashi doesn't manage it.]

But maybe it'll happen too fast for me to notice I got booted home.

[whyarewehere]

That's what we do around here. It's like sharing the love.

[thebioticwoman]

Grif, I can count on one hand the number of people who haven't made me regret things after I've asked them not to.

[unrecovered]

Does that ever work?

[thebioticwoman]

Yeah, once or twice. Though that one time I did pair it with a promise that if she backslid there'd be no place in the galaxy she could hide from me, so maybe that doesn't count.

[calibrates_big_guns]

Which got old faster? Me constantly being elbow deep in the thanix cannon, or Liara's impromptu lectures about the Protheans.

[thebioticwoman]

Protheans.

[No hesitation.]

[calibrates_big_guns]

[He snorts.]

That makes me feel a little bit better.

[thebioticwoman]

There's a reason I didn't go into academia, and it wasn't my grades.

[Insufficient punching.]

[calibrates_big_guns]

Believe me, I can relate.

[A life without punching and shooting just isn't fun.]