You are all equally hideous in the eyes of Aku. [video][future-dated to after the event]

[unspeakablyevil]

[Aku hated every agonizing minute of this. He'd had that Samurai! He'd been so close to annihilating him once and for all! But now he was here and enduring a form of torture he never thought possible. The Oath had nearly prevented him from joining, its words like poison in his mouth. He'd resorted to taking it in the form of "Ikra" because he couldn't bear to hear such nonsense spoken in his own voice (and because things just seem easier when you're beautiful.) Now it was time to introduce himself to the crew and Aku was trying his best to keep disgust from seeping into his expression, but there was only so much he could do.

When he appears on the screen, he looks like a cross between the Devil, a tree and a bowl of guacamole. Six horns rise from his head like the branches of a tree and twin flames flicker upon his scowling brow. Snarly wrinkles form between his eyes as he gazes down his snout at whomever happens to be on the receiving end of this broadcast.]

Greetings, heroes. [He growls in the voice of a cranky old man.] I am Aku, Shapeshifting Master of Earth. I have been selected by your "program" to help eradicate the threat known as Chronoblivion. And as those of you with functioning eyes can see—assuming there are functioning brains attached to them— I have agreed to join your team...

[Though it pains him to do so, he lowers the camera to reveal the Legionnaire insignia on the upper left side of his chest and the snazzy red cape about his shoulders. It's as if he doesn't expect anyone to believe him and must prove that he isn't just some scheming, lying villain. Having made his point clear, he seems eager to move on to other subjects.]

Now then! [he snaps, drawing the focus back to his scowling face and curved fangs.] I ask of you to tell me two important things:

ONE. Who among you has encountered the Chronoblivion firsthand? I wish to know as much about this Bringer of Ruin as I am able.

TWO... How often must we wear these LUDICROUS costumes?? [Sharp claws grip the front of his uniform as if its mere existence offends him.] The Glory of Aku is not meant to be constrained by clothing!

Comments

[bringinghopewithme]

You could just not wear one.

[Says the stubbornly costumeless giant rabbit.]

[legionnpcs]

Do you really want to know what will happen if the fans decide we're encouraging nudism?

[atippleoftransparency]

Anyone using that logic has decided we're encouraging nudism long ago, considering Jeka and Reep.

[unspeakablyevil]

[At this Aku stares with unblinking bulbous eyes. Not because he's looking at a large, talking hare (he dealt with countless alien species all day long in his world.) No, it's because he managed to miss that memo and this is the greatest news he's heard since his arrival! The demon raises his claws gleefully.]

E X C E L L E N T !

[The camera falls, presumably dropped but not broken, and whomever is watching will be treated to the sight of Aku ejecting himself from the suit's neck opening like a giant snake explosively shedding its skin. Even more disturbing: the suit is clear.]

At last, I am free! [The device is back in his hands again.] Thank you, hareman.

[bringinghopewithme]

Bunny'll do.

['Hareman' is a strange epithet and not one he'd jump to being attached to, being neither a hare nor a man, but it's funny that this is where the obvious oni's mind goes.]

What's your deal, yokai? Don't think I've run up against your like before.

[unspeakablyevil]

My deal? [The yokai says, placing a clawed hand upon his chest.] I am the Almighty Ruler of Earth and I seek to prevent Chronoblivion from devouring my world and universe.

And what is your 'deal', Bunny? I don't believe I have encountered your like, either.

[Is there a planet of lagomorph beings he didn't yet know about?]

[legionnpcs]

No one's met Chronoblivion. We've got a few of its Heralds in our science cells, though.

And you have to wear the costume whenever you're on duty. [Which is basically... always.]

[unspeakablyevil]

Mhhh... [Aku growled softly under his breath. Fine, he'd wear the uniform. But only when he had to.] Tell me about these Heralds.

[legionnpcs]

They're people who were... altered by Chronoblivion to destabilize universes before it got around to eating them. They generally seem to be stronger and tougher than they should be, with lots of healing and regenerative capabilities. It's muddled with their minds, too, to make it hard to just pull the information we want out telepathically.

[truefaceofthelaw]

As nice as that is to hear...

[A young man with a helmet looks into his screen, mildly amused, and a green gloved finger jabs towards Aku.]

Put those fires on your face out immediately. A source of flame like that is a hazard to public health and safety.

[unspeakablyevil]

I SHALL NOT!

[Don't hate him because he's ginger.]

[truefaceofthelaw]

You shall not? [Rico replies, mock-surprised.] Then I suppose I'll just have to write you up on a four hundred cred fine and report your non-compliance through the proper channels. I hope you've got your pen ready. It's a lot of paperwork.

[He's kidding. What he really wants to do is find this obtuse punk and shove him face first into a water fountain.]

[legionnpcs]

With Jason being absent, I guess it's up to me to compliment you on your dental care. That's one thing a few people here [Grif] could do a bit better to set a good example.

[unspeakablyevil]

Yes, I take great pride in my dental hygiene. You are right to notice.

[Big smile.]

[gonebyebye]

Master of Earth as in Geokinesis, or Master of Earth as in you actually rule your variant of Earth?

[unspeakablyevil]

I mean Supreme Ruler of Earth.

[a.k.a. Master of Darkness, Shogun or Sorrow, Emperor of Evil... But those titles sound a bit too villainous to share with the class.]

Which is not to say I did not possess geokinesis. I was master of many powers, some beyond your mortal imagination, before I was 'recruited' by your Time Trapper.

[letsgohurtpeople]

[The teenage ninja that answers him wouldn't be out of place among Aku's own minions. He has two white horns and his eyes burn a bright orange like embers of coal. When he speaks, his voice is the kind of rough gravelly voice that's perfect for evil minioning.]

I dig the flamey aesthetic but six horns? You're trying too hard, Shapeshifting Master of Earth.

You can turn into anything and you chose "I have an upside down bug on my head."

[He wiggles his fingers up near his own head like they're bug legs.]

Lame.

Do I detect horn envy?

[unspeakablyevil]

[It is precisely because the boy looks so much like one of his minions that Aku doesn't bat an eye at his unusual appearance. He's much more preoccupied with the show of abject insolence he's being subjected to. His lips draw away from his fangs as he delivers a snarling response.]

I have assumed this form so that all who lay eyes upon me, both near and far, will know exactly who I am!

['And they will know to cower in fear accordingly as every mortal should!' Of course, he doesn't say that part aloud but he's certainly thinking it.]

[headinjuries]

Says the guy called Murderizer McKillinstuff, without any sense of irony.

video

[ordinarily]

... You're totally a super villain.

[ Nah, he's not even gonna be subtle. He's calling you out. ]

There's no way you're not a super villain.

[unspeakablyevil]

[ Uh-oh. ]

What makes you say that?

[ordinarily]

Where do I even start?

[ Because seriously. ]

First of all, how about the horns and fire? Pretty sure that's... you know, the same look the devil has going for him.

[headinjuries]

One: dude, they'll let you help design your costume, if it's ludicrous then you were clearly asleep on the job.

Two: is your name literally like "Evil." [ he knows things, he's seen the animes. ]

[unspeakablyevil]

Oh, I had a hand in designing it. But that does not mean I see a point in wearing such nonsense.

As for your second point... I am afraid I know not what you mean.

[Nope. Not a clue.]

[headinjuries]

Well, if you want your junk hanging out, I guess.

...if you have any. I don't know. [ Space problems. ]