blackmail material is eternal [video] [set during Time Ripples and before Mind Slayer]

[iamresponding]

[The young man that shows up on screen looks infinitely younger than his adultier self, despite only being just a few years younger. The Annihilation War had aged him, made little lines and wrinkles appear on his face. For someone in his late twenties, Rich could sometimes look like he was in his thirties, especially when he scowled.]

[But the Rich that shows up on the screen has only fought in one war, and most of his darker memories of the Xandar-Skrull War have been locked up tight by the Xandarians and are yet to be recovered. He doesn't remember Epyrus-7 or the way he mercy-killed both sides after they started to disintegrate. He doesn't remember the fall of Xandar, or watching Quasar get ripped apart in front of him. He's only just old enough to legally drink.]

[All the scars are gone -- figuratively and literally. His right arm is flesh and blood. The scar over the right side of his face has been replaced by perfect skin. This isn't even his ponytail phase, where he was scruffy and impulsive, but had a heart of gold. This is him at the time where he was at his most shallow, fame-obsessed, and insufferably cocky. ]

[He pops up on the screen, practically buoyant with boyish enthusiasm.]

My more-of-an-adult self left me a letter explaining this time weirdness thing that's going on. Blue blazes, I can't believe it took winding up in another universe to hit the big time, but at least it finally happened! This team is basically like the Avengers of this universe, right?

Does older me get all the babes? I bet he gets all the babes. Heck, I was looking at that anonmeme thing and it said not only did I work things out with Namorita, there were also rumors I was with a bunch of other people, too! So I guess I've just got that animal magnetism or something.

[He waves a hand vaguely at the screen.]

Now that I'm a little less grizzled than stumpy, older me looked? Please, all of you, try to restrain yourselves?

[Yes, he seems serious. 100% dead serious, like he completely believes everyone of a certain age will clearly want to jump his bones.]

And I saw him -- me -- talking about being some bigtime space war hero, too! A general! Finally, I'm not stuck with the New Warriors in the bush leagues, practically in traction.

[Yes, he's trashing his superhero team as being beneath him.]

So, tell me, does this Legion thing come with any other perks? Like, aside from getting paid? Like, can we sell rights for movie deals or something? Or get our appearance licensed for the equivalent of Happy Meal toys?

Ooh, ooh, did older me tell any cool stories about the space war? He -- I -- mentioned that it was giant evil space bugs in the letter. I bet that was all like Starship Troopers, except, y'know, cooler. On account of superpowers and actually being able to beat them and stuff. And not being anti-war satire.

[He squints at the letter, which is on the screen next to his comm display.]

Uh, the letter I wrote to myself also says "Tell Robbie to take your omnicom away" but I don't know what older me was even thinking with that. Toothpick, if you try to steal my comm, I'm gonna wedgie you at lightspeed. It also says "stay away from Grif," whoever that is.

[A pause.]

Also...Sam, is it? I guess older me let you go by Nova and he was going by Nova Prime but that's not how it works with kid sidekicks. So you're "Kid Nova" now. Don't worry about changing it, I already told the tech people that handle the roster to fix our superhero names.

[Someone steal his comm and save this man from himself.]

Comments

[rushing_by]

...Rich, I'd suggest putting the comm down before Sam kills you on general principle.

[iamresponding]

[He laughs.]

But he's a pipsqueak!

I mean, it's pretty obvious why he'd wanna be my sidekick, just look at him. He's like a bunch of pipe cleaners threaded together.

[Mocking children: the totally mature, adult thing to do.]

[rushing_by]

You may not appreciate this right now, but I swear you'll thank me for it later.

[Barry cracks his knuckles, and then he's gone. A split second later he's standing just outside punching distance with Rich's omnicomm in his hands.]

action

[iamresponding]

Hey, what gives?!

[He tries to snatch it back.]

You can't just take my stuff!

[whyarewehere]

[ On the one hand, Grif is still pissed off about time travel. On the other? This is hysterical. ]

First of all, believe me. I am restraining.

Second of all, Starship Troopers? Really?

Third of all, Grif. That's me. Sup.

[ He's trying so hard not to laugh. ]

[iamresponding]

[Fortunately, there are wall comms and other ways to access the network. Sorry, Barry, he's way too interested to stay away.]

The letter said we were friends, but that you'd be a bad influence on me at this age, and make fun of me forever when I was older again.

But I think older me sounds kinda like a lame stick-in-the-mud and like he never has any fun. So anyone who's a bad influence is a-okay with me. [Two thumbs up.]

[whyarewehere]

Older you is basically Superman if Superman were a huge nerd. I'm gonna make fun of him forever no matter what convoluted time travel plans the guy makes.

[ Not that Rich planned this, but it's fun to put it that way. ]

[iamresponding]

If older me is basically a really cool war general Captain Kirk-ey type, then how is he a nerd? Explain that.

[Says the guy who just made a Star Trek reference. (Why, Rich, it's almost as if your older self is just as nerdy as your current self.)]

That'd just, like, negate any possible nerdiness.

[rushing_by]

Don't Grif. I turned his omnicomm's child-locks on for a reason.

[whyarewehere]

Don't take this from me, Barry. It's too beautiful.

[walkingballpit]

[ Robbie had had one of those urges to check the omnicom. Check it, or something will get buried in the feed forever. You should look at SpaceBook, you haven't looked at it in an hour. Why? Because.

Most of the time, these social media urges don't provide any important knowledges or interact, and people forget they ever had it.

But it's moments like this that make people swear that something told them to check online.

Robbie is staring at the screen. That was a lot to take in, especially since he is no longer a teenager. In fact, the youngest has become the eldest, and he is horrified to see how very kind his memory has become to his teenaged years.

And so, Robbie wades in, armed with years more knowledge and the eventual growth spurt that put him at a decent hero height and gave him actual shoulders. ]

You don't get to call the New Warriors the bush league, Kid Nova, and then expect people like me to tell you about the cool stories.

I think I'm gonna pass on taking away your omnicom, because I'm pretty sure Older You will look back on this and know why I thought you are your own punishment. If anything else goes missing or winds up somewhere you can't remember putting it, I want you to know that I'm probably going to be the one behind that. Just to prove I could.

Don't have too much fun with Grif, might endanger the good thing you've got going with Nita.

[iamresponding]

Whoa! Look at you, Toothpick, you're way less...toothpicky.

[As for the rest, he suddenly looks...slightly awkward. Like he is hedging a little bit around what he just said, even though he totally just said it.]

By bush leagues I just meant, y'know, that it was time I was on a, uh, more organized team. Y'know. Larger scale stuff. You guys are my friends and it wasn't a bad place to grow up, but...

[He looks very unsure of what he's saying, though. Normally, Robbie is so completely desperate to have the team together, he doesn't really contest it when Rich talks about the team being the kiddie leagues. He's just SO grateful to have him on the team he doesn't care how Rich acts. This is...new. Robbie having a backbone that he can't bowl over with sheer force of aggressive personlity is...weird.]

I mean, let's get real here, I've been stagnating. Not really reaching my full potential. Obviously, all this important space stuff I got involved in later on was the ticket. Exactly what I needed.

[It's a statement he's going to slam his face into a wall over when he looks back on this. Something that will, retroactively, become legitimately painful.]

[walkingballpit]

It was a great place to grow up. You don't even know the kind of options we could've ended up on if we were just a couple years younger.

[ Robbie's not upset, but... sad. They really didn't appreciate how lucky they were to be a fairly uninhibited young hero team that was actually encouraged to go cut their teeth on heroics and almost the entire New Warriors family made it to their twenties.

It's unheard of. ]

Rich, you're like twenty. You're doing fine. Why are you in such a rush to get somewhere else? You think it's all smooth sailing once you get in with the famous teams with the secret base in the mountain and the super-advanced spy jets and the politics?

[ Things that he wishes someone could say to himself at 17. ]

It's lousy, Rich. I'm not talking about the Legion, they don't need cranial-sphincterectomies. The New Warriors were a good team, and all you want to do is shit on it. I don't know - you know what? You want to know your full potential. You get arrested for solicitation.

[iamresponding]

I will not! [It comes out as almost a squeak.] What the hell, Robbie! Why would you say something like that?!

[And now he's sulking.]

I don't think it'd magically be smooth sailing or anything -- I just --

[It's challenging. This conversation cuts right through the breezy fake confidence and undercuts it, revealing it as fake. He tells himself a lot of little lies at this age. Lies he started telling himself as friends started moving on (again). Vance and Angel are Avengers, Thrash doesn't even want to be on the team anymore. Just like Bernie and Ginger Jaye and Caps graduated while he was fighting Skrulls in space, leaving him behind.]

[And he's what, flipping burgers and thwarting muggings? What even is that?]

[The New Warriors are holding him back. That's the only reason he's not as beloved by the public as Cap, or as respected by other heroes as the Fantastic Four. He's been very kind to stick around and up their profile a bit. It's a choice, not anything to do with his own value or something.]

[But still, the cockiness falters and the cracks show.]

[He doesn't actually hate the team. What he hates is his father saying his superhero stuff is a waste of time and him pointing out he's not even an Avenger like some of his superhero friends.]

It's... [He has trouble finding the words.] It's not like things are ever gonna go well in my personal life. I mean, I wanna go back to school and do something other than flipping burgers, but...

[A shrug and his voice goes quiet.]

That'll probably work out as well as it always does.

[And he's not wrong. He'll go to college but flunk out from missing class, he'll lose another fast food job for leaving early and coming in late, thanks to superheroing.]

But if I get to be an Avenger or do big important stuff in space, at least that'll mean something, right? I just...I wanna do more stuff that means something. [And it will never ever mean enough, it will never be big enough or important enough. There will always be more and more and more of himself he has to give, to be worth anything, and every mistake will undercut that worth.] You just don't understand. Everything's a big joke to you.

[Except...Robbie's not really acting that way, the way he usually does. It's confusing and uncomfortable.]

[addvancetovictory]

[Vance has kept his omnicomm on and is looking disapproving. Which, honestly, isn't a million miles away from his adult look of disapproval.]

That's not a nice way to talk about Robbie. Or Sam.

[iamresponding]

...Vance?

[Vance is a lot younger than when they met but the disapproving looks gives it away. He looks just enough like his older teen self for Rich to keen on.]

Wow, you got even younger than I did!

[As for the admonition...]

I wasn't -- I mean, with Sam I just -- and Toothpick's a good guy, I just meant --

[He huffs out a little breath.]

Someday, you'll understand. You're gonna be an Avenger -- and a great one, at that -- and I just -- well, I want the same thing, too. Is all.

[addvancetovictory]

[Yeah, that doesn't mollify him in the least. Vance crosses his arms, mouth turning down into a deeper frown.]

Becoming an Avenger doesn't mean insulting your friends just because you want to move on to bigger things. I can't imagine that would impress Captain America very much at all.

[Still...the frown does disappear a little bit at the news that he's going to be an Avenger. It's not like Vance, even as young as he is, doesn't GET it, at least about that. But there are lines you don't cross. Especially for somebody who might as well have 'What Would Captain America Do?' tattooed on the inside of his wrist.]

[iamresponding]

[Ouch. Out of the mouths of babes.]

[And this is dangerous ground here. He doesn't really know how to argue against this, or what to say, because there is no way he's risking saying anything, anything at all, that might somehow hurt Vance's feelings.]

[Not at this age. Not when Rich knows what Vance's home life is like. He deserves all the gentleness in the world, every little bit of it Rich has to give.]

You, uh. You're right. Maybe I should tone it down.

[thebiotickid]

So if you don't want anyone to take your comm, why did you announce to the world that your older self wants them to?

[Jane Shepard: more logical at 12 than Rich is at 20.]

[iamresponding]

[She has a point.]

I dunno, I guess outta respect for my older self, I figured I'd at least say it. Maybe he's got his reasons. I just reserve the right to think they're probably dumb ones.

[thebiotickid]

[Jane's pretty sure she knows what the reasons are.]

Y'are kinda coming off like a jerk.

[Telling it like it is since 2154.]

[headinjuries]

[ DICK YOU ARE DEAD TO HIM

DEAD TO HIM ]

Excuse you, but I've been an Avenger and you apparently haven't yet, so why should I go by kid anything?

Also it's super overrated, for the record.

[not here]

[walkingballpit]

[ DO IT CALL HIM DICK RIDER, SHORTY ]

[iamresponding]

No way you've been an Avenger before me! How is that even allowed?!

[GJ, munchkin, you've shorted out his brain and destroyed his whole world.]

What kind of superhero has their sidekick get onto the big hero team first?

[What a joke.]

[He actually hides his face, like he can't even face reality.]

[headinjuries]

See, the "sidekick" part is your first mistake.