thelegion | Wrong Genre Savvy Newcomer

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Wrong Genre Savvy Newcomer - [Video] 1

I guess it would be best to introduce myself. I'm Kamijou Touma.

[He waves nonchalantly at the screen. The observant might notice that, for whatever reason, Touma was wearing a green jacket designed for chilly weather along with swimming trunks.]

This place really is something else. They weren't kidding about this being the 31st century. The technology here could give Academy City some serious competition. That's not even accounting for the ridiculous size of this ship. I seriously doubt Academy City would be able to replicate something this massive and maintain it. It's honestly kind of overwhelming thinking about the amount of work needed to keep this ship going.

[His voice trails off a bit before continuing on to another topic.]

Anyway, now that I'm officially a superhero, I have very important question to ask. How do I transform? When they gave me this omnicomm, I was fully expecting them to explain how I can use it to become Kamen Rider Breaker. I've tried shouting henshin and doing all sorts of poses, but nothing happened. Can anybody here tell me what I'm doing wrong? Is the problem that I'm getting too ahead of myself and I'm not suppose to be able to transform yet?

[His face becomes sunken as a more plausible explanation crosses his mind.]

Please don't tell me I just wasted ten minutes yelling henshin like a complete moron.

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I don't know what any of that stuff you just said meant, so... probably?

[ It's about as useful as Grif's remarks on here ever get. ]

[He sighs.]

Your lackluster answer has confirmed my fears. I was really hoping I could change out of my clothes by transforming.

No, you gotta get in and out of the spandex the old fashioned way. Sorry, dude.

...Or get a machine that does it for you, but I think you'd just get the wedgie of the century that way.

[ It's only this concern that's kept Grif from the convenience, really. ]

If I ever had enough money to waste on such a pointless convenience, I think I would feel more satisfied hiring a maid to dress me instead.

[He pauses.]

Preferable a gentle, older woman.

[ Grif has a helmet on, but he is definitely making a face behind that visor. ]

That's already way more than I needed to know about you.

There's nothing wrong with having preferences. A maid would not only be able to dress you, but cook and clean as well. I doubt there are any machines out there that can replicate these tasks with the same charm and appeal that a maid can provide.

[Touma has no shame.]

Rude.

[Touma stares at the robot for a moment. You could practically see the little wheels turning in his head.]

Sorry. I didn't mean to offend. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who would love to have someone like you as their maid. Just make sure you keep your competition in mind. I would suggest looking into installing cat ears as a start.

Be nice to the robots, dude. They're sensitive. Believe me, I know.

[ He may or may not have received a public chewing out recently for being a dick to robots. ]

Hey, I already apologized for my ignorance. I have no problem with any robot who wants to devote themselves to being a maid. When I made that statement about machines, I didn't even know there were sentient robots in this world until one popped up to call me rude.

Welcome to the space future. The technology is all pretty great. They've kind of lost the art of the pizza, though.

I'm still not sure if that's a fair trade.

[OH NO... This poor guy. This is hilarious. Kyle can't help but laugh, but since he does kind of know what he's talking about, he still tries to be helpful.]

Yeah, no, it doesn't really work that way. Sorry, man.

I haven't met anybody yet who's needed to "transform" or anything to use their powers. I mean, not here, at least.

I should have asked sooner. All my hard work gone to waste...

[The disappointment in his voice made it clear how much he was looking forward to transforming.]

I wasn't trying to gain access to my powers or anything like that. I've already got a special ability. The reason I wanted to invoke a transformation sequence was for the costume it'll get me.

Normally, I'd say, "It's the thought that counts." but someone will probably remember you did that, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

[Fandom didn't forget... They never forget.]

It might depend on what exactly your powers are, but I'm pretty sure most people just have to put on their uniform like a normal person.

My ability is worthless in mundane situations so I guess I'm stuck with dressing like a normal person.

[He sighs in disappointment.]

Sorry. That happens sometimes. I guess there's a reason TV shows don't tell you that, though.

[Well. Lots of reasons, really.]

What is your ability, if you don't mind me asking?

I don't mind.

[He waves his right hand in front of the camera.]

My right hand possesses the power to destroy anything that can be considered supernatural or irregular. Things like magic, esper abilities, and even my own luck is negated on contact with Imagine Breaker. It's not the most convenient power, it's one that I'm grateful for.

Wow. Yeah, that sounds like it could make things complicated. But I guess you don't just get an ability like that if it doesn't have some kind of important use. I'm sure it's got its purpose.

You're not the first person to mention something like that. People far more knowledgeable than me have given me their thoughts on what they believe Imagine Breaker's purpose is. And even with all their knowledge and theories, I'm still not entirely sure what Imagine Breaker is or what it's truly meant for. All I know is that with its help, I was able to reach out and save the people around me.

Well, I guess it doesn't matter how you help people as long as you do, right? [You know, it was better than using it for villainy and stuff, at least.] Maybe it's a weird power, but it's yours, so you might as well use it how you like.

You absolutely just wasted ten minutes.

[Said with some amount of sympathy, because not everybody can be a Power Ranger. Sorry, man.]

You should be able to use whatever powers you have without transforming.

I wasn't trying to use my powers. I just wanted to transform into my costume until I could get my hands on some more appropriate clothing. It feels weird walking around this spaceship wearing nothing but a jacket and swimming trunks.

[Touma has his proprieties straight.]

Ya don't need to yell anything to use your powers, but posin' is a part of the job, I guess, so you've already got a head start!

Well, at the very least, it's nice to know that all the effort I spent creating poses won't go to waste.

You've already got a good head start; I'm not good at comin' up with that kinda stuff. My son's really smart, though, so you can talk to him if you need help with that sorta thing! He's a hero back home too!

You have to actually go design your uniform first, dude. Warning: the Anthramites are really enthusiastic.

That sounds ominous. Are these Anthramites the type of people who obsessive over their work and try to correct minuscule details that nobody but them would notice?

Well, one of them was definitely giving me a fifteen-minute lecture on the difference between navy blue and cobalt blue, so yeah, that sounds about right.

Great.

[Touma can feel his enthusiasm for getting his costume dying.]

You wouldn't happen to have any tips I could use to avoid triggering a lecture?

I just smile and nod, usually.

[ Robbie is smiling the unabashed grin of someone who is about to make a joke that almost no one will get, but who doesn't care because it's worth it. ]

Flame on!

[ There's a burst of glowing energy bubbles, and Robbie is suddenly in uniform. This is naturally accompanied by a wink, a click, and finger guns. ]

Oh, what the hell! Are you just here to show off? Everybody here has been telling me transformation sequences have no place in this reality and just when I was ready to accept this truth you show up doing that!

[Unsurprisingly, the joke went right over his head.]

They're half right?

[ Robbie feels a little bad over the force of Touma's disappointment. ]

I don't usually need to do the whole goggles and weird voice routine for my powers to work. When I was newer to it, it was automatic. You could've plinked me, and it'd set it off.

The catchphrase - that's not mine. It belongs to an old friend, who really does say it every time he powers up. Lame. So I never miss a chance to give him a hard time. You know what they say, if you can't take the heat, stop setting yourself on fire.

No, I'm pretty sure they don't say that at all.

Having your powers go off at the slightest poke must have been tough to deal with. I can't imagine the amount of work needed to get a power like that under control.

Nice sense of humor you got there.

It took a couple years, and I don't even want to think about how many busted flagpoles and street lights. I've got a lot more control than I did when I was 15. I stop when I want, and I basically start when I want. I mean, I want it to kick in when I get punched or worse, and that's about where it happens.

Fascinating. I've never heard of a transforming organic before. I have always assumed that the rapid reassembly of your squishy body structures would be too painful a matter to be possible.

Perhaps your transformation mechanism is malfunctioning? A visit to the medic should get that resolved rather quickly.

I have a distinct feeling that our definitions for transforming do not match up. Thankfully, the kind of transformation I'm talking about has nothing to do with something as horrific as reassembling the human body. I was referring to the kind of transformations you see on Sentai tv shows which usually involve the protagonists materializing costumes and gaining access to superpowers.

"Sentai TV Shows"?

[He says in a completely deadpan voice.]

That must be a form of entertainment that was never broadcasted on Cybertron.

Perhaps you should've added a "da yo" at the end?

[Touma strikes a dynamic pose! Unfortunately, it's a little hard to see due to the awkward way he's holding the Omnicom.]

Henshin Da Yo!

[Nothing happened.]

...

Ah... well, you can't say you did not try, can you?

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Wrong Genre Savvy Newcomer - [Video] 1

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