[video] It's how she says hello

[volving]

[ Cass is still not sure how she feels about being so far away from home, and the people she knows. True, she'd just moved to Bludhaven back home, but at least she could go visit easily, and call Babs if she needed help. Here, she is on her own.

Well, for now.

She decides to greet her new teammates with a video. She doesn't look like she could be much older than 17 or 18 at the most, and while she has the cowl of her new uniform pushed back so her face is visible, it seems to be all black, and there's the top of a potentially familiar logo on her chest. When she speaks, her voice is soft and her words are slow and deliberate. ]

Hello. I'm Batg--. [ a beat, and she squares her shoulders slightly ] I am Batman.

[ Most likely no one expected to learn that Batman was a small asian teenage girl. ]

Where can I find the... training room?

Comments

[turntex]

[Alright, awkwardness averted, hell yeah. And hey, if it makes her laugh, he is absolutely gonna fucking do it. Dave pauses for just a moment to pull up one of the linked fics from the meme.]

Alright, this is titled Leadership Is Hard And So Am I, posted anonymously. Can't imagine why someone wouldn't wanna tie their name to gold like this. Anyway...

[Dave sits up a bit straighter, clears his throat, the whole song and dancer of a guy getting ready to do a proper dramatic reading. He's so fucking ready for this.]

"Y'know," said Freelancer, removing his helmet. "I really admire your leadship skills, Kid Q. You really know how to take charge of a situation."

"Take charge, hm?" Kid Q sauntered over in all her elegant glory, running her eyes over the armored Legionnaire appraisingly. "Is that what you want me to do?"

[He doesn't change his voice much for Freelancer, other than trying to sound a bit more stiff because hey, he knows the guy and he can at least add some extra depth to this characterization. But he tries for a higher pitch for Kid Q, and a seductive tone that he's honestly managing way too well with a straight face given the complete shit he's reading here.]

Freelancer flushed, gulping. "Um, excuse me?"

Smirking slyly, Kid Q leaned in and brushed away a bead of sweat rolling down the man's neck, drawing a shiver out of him. "You're so sweaty. Do I make you nervous?"

"N-no, it's just...hot under that helmet, that's all."

"Oh, I'll bet it's hot." Training her finger down, she tugged on the edge of his chestplate. "C'mon, why don't we get you out of all that heavy armor?"

Freelancer's face only reddened further. "Kid Q--" he began, but she cut him off with a finger still damp with his own sweat pressed to his lips.

"Call me ma'am."

[relativityspeaking]

That's not what my sexy domme voice sounds like.

[Hi Dave. Look who it is. At least she looks more amused by this than anything else?]

[turntex]

[He doesn't even look surprised. She seemed like a good sport to him.]

Fine, then what does it sound like? Take me to fuckin' school and complain to my teachers about how little I seem to be learning. File a formal complaint and watch 'em quake in their sensible shoes 'cause the budget's been tight lately and they sure as hell ain't tenured.

[relativityspeaking]

Uh-uh, the last thing I need is an accurate rec-ficcer out there.

[unrecovered]

That is not how I remember our last debriefing going.

[The lack of high-pitched fit means that Wash, too, is amused by this. Half the fandom already thinks he had a steamy relationship with York, so you know what? Fuck it.]

[legionnpcs]

[Shared debriefings confirmed.

Updating fan circles.]

[unrecovered]

[That is not what debriefing means and you know it.]

[walkingballpit]

[ Everyone knows what debriefing means, amirite? Winkwink, nudgenudge. ]

[volving]

They have big imagining. [ No, that's the wrong version of that word ] No, imagination.

[unrecovered]

No kidding. If only they used their powers for good.

[volving]

At least it's not evil?

Just... weird.

[relativityspeaking]

Approximately none of our debriefings have gone like that, so I'd be worried if you did.

[volving]

[ Now, Cass doesn't know shitty fic, but she does know horribly unnatural-acting people, and this is just ridiculous.

How can anyone think people act like this?

Her face disappears and all that can be seen is the top of her head as she buries her face in her arms, trying to muffle her laughter. ]

[turntex]

[Dave grins, very satisfied with himself.]

There's more, but I dunno how down you are with completely unrepentantly shitty porn.

[volving]

[ It takes a couple of minutes for her to get laughing under control enough to actually focus enough to speak, a little breathless. ]

People... do not act... like that.

[turntex]

Bullshit. I don't know about you, but I for one speak exclusively in bad porn dialogue when I'm about to get down and dirty with someone.

[Based on his little smirk, he's probably joking. Probably.]

[volving]

[ The smirk, the tone, the little movements of his head, it's all a good giveaway to her. She takes a deep breath, then two, and then very unsettlingly goes completely serious. ]

It is... how we mate.

[ The twinkle in her eye is a giveaway that she's still laughing inside, though. And look! She knows how to use the word mate! ]

[turntex]

Sure is.

[Kinda awkward, isn't she? And that's coming from a guy who often ends up talking out loud to himself in mostly incoherent mumbles. She seems like she's probably trying to joke around though, so he'll roll with it.]

You should see some of the other shit that people write on these things. Or hear it, anyway. There's a sequel to this fic that involves knifeplay, because hey, what's sexier than going at your partner with a knife like they're a hot stick of butter?

[volving]

[ As someone who has been stabbed many many many times since she learned to walk, and has the scars to prove it, Cass looks VERY DISTURBED by the idea of stabbing someone being sexy ]

That is...

But knives hurt.

[turntex]

[Dave winces. Yeah, he feels that sentiment a lot. There's a lot lot of weird shit he'd be down to try out because hey why not, but he's got too much personal history with blades to be cool with that one.]

Yeah, they do. But we're learning about the world of smutty fic. No kinkshaming allowed, unless it's like watersports or something I guess.

[volving]

I don't understand... half of what you say.

[turntex]

I get that a lot, honestly. 'S not just you.

[volving]

What is kinkshaming? Kink is... the pain in your neck. When you sleep wrong.

[ That's what Barbara told her anyway. ]

[turntex]

That's one definition of the word. The other, probably more popular one, is "weird shit that helps get a person off". Knives, piss, puppets, dressing up like horses. You name it, there's a community of people on the internet who are into it and will pay good money for niche porn.

[volving]

[ There is a long thoughtful pause. Yes, now that she thinks of it, she's seen that around. People getting way too excited in ways no one else sees by twisting balloon animals, or watching people's feet.

She sighs ]

Sex is strange.